Hi everyone, I thought that I would post an update. We received some good advice from a friend of ours. "Do whatever you need to, to preserve the open lines of communication, once they are closed they are difficult to open again." We had noticed that our daughter was becoming more secretive, and withdrawn. This is a concern for us so we are doing whatever we can to keep things open in the house, and engage her in conversation. Sometimes she has trouble articulating her feelings, and we don't want to put our words in her mouth. Communication is still a struggle. One good conversation we did have was regarding some internal conflict she has. I was surprised to hear that it permeates almost every part of her life. She wants to get her drivers licence but doesn't want to study for it. She wants to learn a new skill in gymnastics but doesn't want to put in the time to make that happen. She wants to re-connect with some friends but won't give up any other activity that would free up the time to see her friends, she knows certain actions are right and wrong (she knows what she should do) but she doesn't want to do the right one, etc.. I'm sure this internal struggle is a major source of stress. she made it clear that she doesn't want us parents to make these choices for her. She is going to have to resolve these things herself. We are still worried about discipline, so we are parenting out of fear, however, we have eased off on the constant fights and nagging, which I think has improved the relationship a little bit. We are working on compromise, some battles are more important than others, we are choosing our battles carefully. we are celebrating (making a big deal about and almost throwing a party for) the small things. I actually remember doing this when our children were potty training... Celebrating small wins. A good comment on her report card..., she reached out to a friend who we would consider a good influence - we celebrated these things.
... View more
