Hello there :) Warning: This is long! I know this is an older thread, but hoping someone can help. I came across it last night at 11:45pm and so much of what workingdad2 said has really resonated with me so I wanted to post here specifically to see if he could offer me some advice! I have a 15 yr old who started smoking pot when he was 14. My husband and I discovered quite a large stash in his room this past June 2017 in a Mason jar (after months of other suspicious activity and questionable findings) hidden in his room, and let’s just say, things did not go well from there. My husband and I were very upset and there were some loud “discussions” that weekend. We grounded him for quite some time and I destroyed the cannabis and all related paraphernalia. However, after all this, he still was adamant that “we can't ground him forever, and can’t control his life”. He outright told us that he will not stop using. But then there was a incident in July that made him question his reasons for using. He was lucky enough to be enrolled in a summer online course part of which involved a trip to NYC (we live in Canada, close to Toronto), which he was very much anticipating. Despite all of our urgent pleading to not use especially whilst away, he and his group of friends were caught smuggling alcohol into a dance and they were immediately expelled from the trip. He was heartbroken. After he was deposited back home with his tail between his legs, we had a long talk (no yelling this time! I figured the expulsion was punishment enough) and he told us he was ready to change his ways. Since then we have discovered he has been vaping, but we have been able to have open honest communication about that, and while I do not like him vaping, it is far better than the alternative. This is why what workingdad2 said makes sense to me: I would rather be able to speak openly to him about his behaviour because I fear he will just do things secretly anyway and lie about them. I am sure you can see where this is leading... Last Friday night, I was awoken from sleep to my son and his 17 yr old brother going up to bed at 1:45am. They had been playing PS4 together. They left the hall light on so I got up to turn it off but was confronted by a curious smell. Ahhh yes, every parent of a teen knows *that* smell. I couldn’t believe it. He’s still smoking! In my house! While we are home and sleeping! Stupidly, I did not go in and confront him right then. My reasons: It was late. I would tackle it later. It was also my 50th birthday (happy birthday!) the next day and I really wanted to be able to enjoy MY day. Fast forward, when I did sit down to talk to him about it, he flatly denied it but it was basically my word against his at that point. I was dumbfounded. How could he think I am so stupid! Now, this is the part I am not so proud of... since that first incident back in June, I search through his room occasionally. So I did it again this time, and, yes, I found a jar. It seems he now vapes his weed. I also recently legitimately discovered his password to his Google account (he gave it to me as his laptop was in for repairs and they needed it to access his computer) and I went in and looked through his photos (not so legit. Again, not proud). What I discovered was SOOOO many photos and videos of him and his friends which show obvious marijuana use. Dozens of photos of his blood-shot eyes, videos of high friends, him holding giant joints, and on and on and on. There may have been one week when he didn’t stop but it looks like he uses a lot and has done so even since the NYC incident. So... I really really want to get to the place where workingdad2 is! I fear we destroyed any hope of an more open relationship after our first big blow-up, and now if I confess that I have snooped and that I know he lied, it will destroy trust even more! But, at the same time he has destroyed *my* trust in him by using and lying about it. It’s all a vicious circle and I am just so worried and don’t know how to take it from here. We have all made mistakes and I need to know how to undo some of the damage so that we can move forward and be in a good position to be able to support him. His health and safety is my utmost concern.
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