I am 52 years old, I have a 16 year old son whom I have raisetd on my own. This last year has been the most difficult I. Our relationship with him deciding he wanted to change aces with his father to one week on & one week off, after it being nearly always just on off weekends. I do depression and have done for most of my life but no one would know it unless I told them. Seen to everyone else as confident, capable, loyal, dedicated, passionate, funny, warm and giving. When inside I have a dreadful lack of self worth, constantly questioning what is the point of this thing called my life. I bought and indeed invested in my first pet, not my sons, but my own and fell in love with him, an animal, for the first time in my life. He was my saving grace earlier in the year when trying desperately to adjust to the changed time with my son. He passed away 2.5 weeks ago at only 18 months and I have been devastated to my core at this loss. My son, being always the animal person wouldn’t accompany me to go and finalise things at the emergency, which was like him crushing my already broken heart. Over the last few months there have been a number of instances that have left me bereft & feeling totally lost where he is concerned. Time with his father who was both physically and emotionally abusive to me, and continues to be so (emotionally) is having a very real and negative impression on my son. There have been so many challenges I have had o confront in this life like everyone else, but the feeling of having lost my son has me devastated beyond words. I am not equipped to deal with this anymore, I seriously want to go away and disappear from life. I am grieving 2 huge losses at one time and am lost in despair, very lonely, empty, hurting and beaten on all levels. No good to anyone let alone myself.
... View more