My 14 yr old son was caught planning and encouraging a handful of his friends to bring alcohol to his sleepover party that we agreed to allow him to host. Additionally, we had just found a vape device in his room. He admitted that he and a couple of friends had snuck some alcohol at a sleepover before at our house. We have asked friends and family for advice on this with mixed results. One family member whose parenting I admire suggested to continue with the plans but to make sure the kids know that alcohol and vapes are not allowed at our property and to sit them down to discuss the issues of responsibility and honesty, using this as more of an opportunity for confronting the issue. Some friends say that that is crazy to allow our son to have friends over after this breach of trust and that he should be grounded. We are torn. I was constantly grounded and learned nothing from it growing up but never had serious discussions with my parents, only yelling. I'm inclined to use this as an opportunity to remind them that alcohol isn't the source of fun by offering alternatives for entertainment and food and drink, and to get them together for a group discussion of what problems both immediate and far down the road can come from these decisions they are making at such a young age. However, maybe so soon is too soon and this should be left for another time. The only problem with that is we may not get them all together again. Also, is that overstepping boundaries of the other parents and do we tell the other parents what we know? While reading the chat thread, we came across other issues like the vaping, forwarding of revealing pictures from girls, overall misuse of chatting on a social media platform. though these chats we're private, they still are recoverable and that is another major issue as well as the respect for girls and the lack of a proper response when faced with these issues. Please help! This is our first real experience dealing with these issues as a parent as this is our first born.
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