First time ever posting a reply & for the first time in awhile i felt somewhat at ease i took in a deep breath & exhaled. Its as if im reading my own story..However there is 1 major factor that differs from this story, Being that I'm a sole-single mother with 3 girls eldest is 15yrs others are under 5yrs with not a great deal of positive outside or family support. And there are a number of incidents etc missing. Its like a nightmare u can never wake up from. Although over the years I have often googled & searched through every site available & thoroughly ramaged through available resources, Endless amounts of screenshots in hopes that this would be the time everything turns around for the better And I finally get to hold my beautiful, 1st born daughter missing for so many years tightly in my arms and smile once more. My daughter actually did run away last year it was my final undoing. This past yr has been the beginning of the worst. Due to thing's I experienced & went through as a child up to my early 20's I suffer from panic attacks, anxiety, depression & scaring to my soul so I'm a parent who suffers & lives with mental illness. After months of her stealing, lying, etc the worst was she was deliberately messing with my head to the point were I almost admitted myself to a facility as I thought I was going crazy..The night before she took off I literally fell collapsing to the floor in front of her & she stood there blank no reflex no emotion. The next day she took off I was holding my youngest in my arms and as she walked out the door I again collapsed. It was like my heart was brutally ripped from my body, Tears kept coming choking up I screamed for her to come back.."WHY" "HOW" I still don't understand & cannot process to move forward. I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe I had nothing in me she is part of me & part of me is missing there is emptiness that cannot be filled I can only explain it as its not that she is just gone but that she passed over I'm grieving the death of my first born. And every time she has called or shown up its to save her from her consequences in the wrong choices she chooses to take even though she knows better. She also has no respect, rude, nasty, self centered, selfish, smart mouth & always knows best she too plays dumb to fit in but then again I'm stupid to her. She began starving herself therefore I ended up taking her to the G.P for an eating disorder. She causes such hurt & heartache, belittling me and making me feel unworthy of life. Everything & everyone is more valid & important but yet on the one who stands beside her & stands in front of her as a mumma grizzly bear when harm is in her way & even though I didn't want to admit it my own child hates me & no matter how I try or what I do I & her innocent sisters who adore beyond measure even after she has emotionally, mentally & physically been a bully to them will never be good enough.. I'm no saint & never claim to be the perfect parent. Ive never abused or neglected my children, put there health & saftey at risk nor have i walked out on them. I cant give them all the riches in the world but they always have my heart my unconditional love, food, clothing a roof over there heads they have never gone without & i do the best i can 90% of the time considering my circumstances. Well over the last few days thing's are just as she wants for now she took off from her godfathers threatening to end her life that's when he noticed several over a dozen were his words cuts on either arm..Even though on 3 separate occasions I had gut instinct, Mothers intuition & reported suspicion of self harm each time she managed to talk her way out of it & mycries for help dismissed. Then out the door she went saying she was going home to mum but she never returned. I'm told through the grapevine she's staying with a woman who is also a mother with young children (But hang on that's one of the reasons she couldn't be here..She has disregarded her own family to adopt another family.. ppfft) whom as a mother herself hasn't even bothered knowing I'm here frantic with worry & despair to contact me to let me know who she is where my child is & if she is OK. My daughter well it dsnt even cross her mind nor can she be bothered to contact me knowing I'm sick with worry & crippling heartache. I'm now pre paring for the rollercoaster of distruction ahead as she has told fabricated lies and made a ligations of what can be taken as seriously under child abuse & neglect, safety & wellbeing against myself and her godfather so she is not made to or have to return to either homes. I'm absolutely flawed that she has done such a hurtful & nasty thing that potentially will have the rest of my family torn apart but criminal charges are a factor...As much as I want to just let her go I struggle to find an answer to the crime i am being harshly punished & sentenced for I can't switch off, I can't not care...I cannot let go
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