Hi Netbell,   I have just joined this site and your post was the first one which I have really connected with.   My daughter is nearly 17 and has BPD as well. This all started after her father passed away suddenly 3 years ago. In the past couple of years she has tried overdosing twice, has been self harming, twice to the point that they should ** . She has been drinking, smoking weed and dropped out of school and been unable to hold down a job. A few weeks ago she told me she had made the decision to kill herself on her 21st birthday. Her psychologist told me this was a good thing as it was far enough into the future to mean she doesn't really want to do it.   When she is rational she is the most loving funny amazing kid, however when she is irrational she is so hurtful and scary. I love her so very much and it is so exhausting. I also slept with her for about 6 months fearing what she would do to herself if I didn't. I soon realised I couldn't keep doing this for my own health. It is actually a relief when she goes to stay with friends, I face time her and snapchat with her when she is not with me so I can see what she is doing and who she is with.   It scares me that once she turns 18 I will have less control over what she is doing, she is talking of moving out with friends however I have her tablets and all other medications locked away in a lock box and have all SHing objects locked away too. We are currently linked in with a great doctor and psychologist who my daughter connects well with and have just started with Headspace and am hoping she will continue going as she has dropped CAMHS and the psychiatrist.    The anguish and fear that never seems to escape me for too long is all encompassing at times. I hold on to the belief that my love and support of her will help pull her through this. I grab onto the times when she is rational and when I see my baby girl as she really is and keep reminding myself that the self destructive behaviours are the illness not her.    It actually feels good to share this with people who understand and are going through a similar experience. Hopefully it helps you to hear that others are travelling the same path as you too. All we can do is hang in there for our babies and look after ourselves at the same time. Hugs.   ... View more