Hi- I was sitting here googling about my sons depression as I am at a loss as to what to do when this site popped up. I would love some advise but maybe even a word from someone who can understand how hard and terrifying this journey is. My beautiful just turned 18yr old is smart and talented and was doing wonderfully until the start of yr 11 last year. He had his first panic attack when the school talked to them about how important HSC was and his anxiety just escalated from there. Yr 12 has been a nightmare and he was unable to sit the HSC due to risk of suicide. Our son is extremely bright and finished first in his grade in Yr 11. We put no pressure on him but he puts it on himself and started to feel if he didn’t come first in every exam his life was not worth living! He began self harming and tried to end his life resulting in overnight hospitalisation. He had a number of breakdowns where he said he just couldn’t take his thoughts any more and wanted to die. I have taken a lot of time off work spent nights lying on the floor in his room too scared to sleep. I live in a fog, my brain is a mess, I don’t sleep and the situation has affected the whole family.We got him help early and he regularly sees a psychologist school counsellor and psychiatrist. We thought and were led to believe that the HSC was the trigger and things would get better. He started to improve he now has a part time job an early uni offer and last night performed in his schools music concert . He is an amazing singer and he seemed to have a wonderful night with his friends. Tonight I got a phone call from one of his friends - he has hurt himself again. He is crying and says he doesn’t know why but as soon as he is on his own his mind won’t let him be happy. He doesn’t feel anxious anymore he just feels sad all the time. I am a mess. I don’t know what to do. The psychiatrist has increased his medication as we knew a few weeks ago that it had become more depression than anxiety. He is seeing his psychologist every week despite what it costs because I just want him to be alive. My beautiful baby boy seems unable to enjoy anything he used to. The HSC is over but our battle is not. I really don’t k ow what to do. He has family friends and so much support - the psychiatrist doesn’t even seem to know what to do anymore. Why can’t he see what we see when we look at him - he has so much to live for. I know his self harming is a cry for help but I really don’t know what to do anymore. I get sad I get angry and none of it helps him. I’m sitting here now knowing I can’t go to work tomorrow. I messaged my husband he is at work. I know it will break his heart and make him angry and feel helpless just as I do. What do we do now? Where do we go? Back to the dr for what? I feel so helpless. I don’t know how much longer I can hold on myself. Is there anyone who has experienced anything similar. I have some wonderful people in my life but they can never really get it. Thankyou in advance. ... View more