Thanks @TOM-RO, I have mentioned it to her counsellor but they haven't really been able to give any guidance unfortunately..other than sleep is really important! I know that I need to get my daughter on side with this if if we are going to tackle it but its hard when she has zero motivation. Thanks for heads up - yes I realised you are based in Australia but it was the best resource I found for teen issues...and the issues seem to be pretty universal :-)
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HI @Help_needed I can completely empathise - mental health behaviours are so difficult to explain to others who just have no experience of it. I too am in the midst of this with my 14yr old daughter and she frequently comes across to others as a spoilt brat, acting out to get her own way...however, I know different. I feel at a complete loss at this point in how to help her...but what I am learning is that one of the best things we can do is to look after ourselves as ultimately we will be no good to them if we crumble. As mums we give everything to our kids but it's time to be a bit selfish - make time to do something for you, meet up with friends, a night out...anything to escape what you have to deal with day to day. This is my new years resolution to myself..that and get counselling for me as it's becoming increasingly harder to deal with the turmoil every day. As you say your 2 boys are ok so it's not anything you are doing wrong..take comfort in that x
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My 14yr old daughter has not attended school at all since May this year due to anxiety and depression - she rarely leaves the house, or her room for that matter! We have really struggled to get support and a year on from being referred are still waiting a psychiatric assessment with CAMHS. She is now attending private counselling and seems to have bonded with her counsellor but it's early days.
We have all the problems that many on this forum are reporting - bouts of self harming, binge eating, violent outbursts, withdrawal etc...it's been an emotional rollercoaster!! but one of the main issues that is not helping her mental health at the moment is the fact that she is up all night - often not going to bed till 6am!
She keeps her phone with her all night as says its her security blanket (as she can chat to friends when feeling anxious) - although it feels like it goes against instincts to let her have it we were advised by mentors, counsellors and CAMHS to not restrict it at the moment as we will be taking away her support network and they feared how she would react if we restricted it.
The trouble is that now she has an online 'boyfriend' who lives in USA (we are in UK) - he is older (20) and works so she starts chatting to him at 1am our time when he gets home from work - hence staying up till early hours!
Now this is where it's tricky - putting aside the fact that he is older and the obvious concerns around that - he has given her a bit of positivity and she's starting to look after herself a bit more (interested in clothes, hair etc) whereas before she really didn't. She clearly feels she has found a soulmate (it seems he too suffers from anxiety and although 20 seems to emotionally be younger). However, clearly staying up till 6am every night is doing nothing for her mental health - she then sleeps pretty much all day ruling out any chance to socialise, get exercise, fresh air or do any schooling etc...this has been going on for nearly 2 months now.
I've tried reasoning with her, coming up with compromises (go to bed early and get up early to catch him before work) but nothing works..I think she is loathe to change anything for fear of losing him. .it's getting to point where I feel maybe my only option is to take a couple of months off work...cut off internet at night and then be on hand to deal with the consequences...and boy will there be consequences. Or do I just ride it out and hope that the relationship fizzles out.
Has anyone had anything similar and advice for how to handle please, am tearing my hair out and feel clueless about what to try next?
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