Hi there I'm sorry to hear about your son and the things y'all are going through. I'm pretty upfront but never disrespectful only giving advice sometimes you got to keep it straightforward. If you feel like your son is addicted to in these games first things first is to take the games from him especially if it's interfering with his everyday life and school. Your husband as the man of the house should be the man of the house and not ask his son to do something but tell him. Now as far as harming himself your husband at this point should be the disciplinarian. Honestly ma'am some of us we love our kids way too nice. Which can be harmful to the child because it puts them in a mind frame to think things like harming themselves is okay, which is not. Me as parents I love my kids to death and to teach them a lesson when they do something that can be harmful to themselves I might go overboard or with the discipline because I'm scared to lose them and with that being said, with life or death situations they will only try once out of worrying, every time they think about it they think about what Mom will do. That first time is a blessing only God knows how far or what he will do the next time or what could happen.
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I'm a pretty young mother as well; I mess up as a mother over and over again but at the end of the day I'm still your mother. I raised you and if I couldn't, it was because I couldn't and you needed to be in a better place because I did not want to strain you along. There's a difference between discipline and abuse, now it becomes discipline when you're not explaining to her what she done wrong while you disciplined her, there is a difference if you're taking your anger out on her, there is a difference when you're child is stuck in the dark as to why it is she was getting disciplined that's when it becomes abuse because you're not teaching her a lesson. Apologize to your child everyday for everything you did wrong, let them know you know you did wrong but you still need to demand your respect as a parent or she will run all over you. She should not get rewarded for being disrespectful at any cause even by her father that's also sending mixed signals.
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