About Josie

Josie · ‎12-12-2020

Hi @Birdwings Thanks for your words. We we used to do things together. We’d watch movies. Play Xbox. But not any more. All I get now is “Hi”. If I’m lucky. I can only text him now because if I try talking to him and I get no response then I get upset, then angry and I say things that are bad. So I’ve set myself a rule of only texting if I have to, absolutely have to say anything. It’s only functional stuff. I still don’t get a reply but there is usually some action. There is no way he would do anything with me & I’m too hurt to pretend everything is okay and not talk about the stuff that’s happening. He he has his own car. When I was his taxi we would talk in the car. I have used that style of connection their whole life’s. Bedtime cuddles. No eye contact. I’ve set my mind to let it be. Do nothing. Live my life leave him to live his and hopefully he goes to Canada in May. Hopefully we have some headway by then. If I can just manage to keep my emotions to myself and not go at him for a whole week. My aim right now is to give him until early Jan. if there is still no change then I will write him a letter. That will give him options and end points because I can not continue to live in a house with someone treating me like this.

Josie · ‎12-09-2020

I totally agree. I’ve suggested him contacting headspace and seeking help but like all things he doesn’t talk to me. I’ve text. I spoken. I know he hears me but he does nothing to help himself. Unless I can find some magic words that get him to start communicating with me again. I’m torn between wanting my son back. Want to help him to wanting him out. I keep flipping between them and I’m getting no where with either

Josie · ‎12-09-2020

Hi, Having heard many stories of BPD there are many different levels/aspects. I have always been aware of consequences so that while I pushed boundaries, I never crossed the line which many with BPD do. I was abusive to my family because I blamed them. I struggled in society but I always sort for some sort of connection, to make my life better is some way. So for me in the early years, my life wasn't a problem. When I had boughs of depression I went to the doc and went on anti depression meds. This was in the 90's so things were different. I went through years of struggles and didn't really seek help until I had PND with my first born, then again with my second, followed by an emotional break down then my marriage breakdown and I was a single mum with a 1 & 3 year old. I was high functioning and the mental health system very much failed me in the in 2000's. It wasn't until the 2010's when 'the system' started to change. I had fought hard to stay alive for my boys. I worked hard to be a better parent because I was not good in so many ways. Ultimately. My boys were my trigger to fight because I was all they had and I wouldn't pass then mess onto them by ending myself. I did DBT in 2013. The stories of the others there made me realise that everyone's journey is different. I've done so much therapy. There was one that was designed to "break me to rebuild me" and it almost ended me. That is such a horrible, destructive approach to any therapy. For me, DBT used my intelligence to challenge and question the belief I held. It gave me skills and strategies to change my behaviours so I could achieve my goals. I wanted to fit in. I wanted stability. I wanted to be loved and accepted so I was motivated to work. No matter what is happening for a person. They have to want to improve. My ex was also diagnosed BPD. To my knowledge he never sought help but he has found a life for himself. It doesn't include any of his blood relations but that's his choice. Sorry. Have hope. Hope is good but make sure you care for you and accept whatever happens that is outside of your control, which unfortunately most in life is

Josie · ‎12-09-2020

Hi, My 18 yr old son is stonewalling me. We haven’t talked in months. He lives with me. We used to be really close. He turned 18 in early Aug. Had his license suspended for 3 months and had a breakup of an 18mth relationship. By the end of Aug he stopped talking to me. From lead in conversations and third party feedback the best I can come up with is that I don’t listen and he doesn’t like how I give my opinions, thoughts & ideas. I understand where he is coming from but he hasn’t given me the chance to change. He has just cut me off. He is in pain. I get it. I gave him space & what support were I could for the first couple of months but life got intense. I bought my first home. Had a fall just before moving and needed help and he did nothing. Not even for his own stuff until the last minute under threat of not coming with me. That was a month ago. I have Depression. I’m diagnosed BPD but I’ve done a lot of work although the base reactions are there. He works. He has money. He has equivalent to me. We have fought about this because he was living off me in part while saving his money. He has been paying board which I have increased and he now has to buy his own food. It’s still cheaper than if he moved out. His room is a pigsty. His room in the place we left was so bad. Cost me a lot to get it sorted and I don’t want him to do the same to my home. I keep trying to give him space. I seek advice from all the phone lines - beyond blue, parenting & family phone lines. Today I’m calling some local services. I start out well, giving him time. Using the right words. Asking not telling but I get nothing. He’ll make some effort only after I’ve asked multiple times over days/weeks. And then finally threaten with do ... by ... or move out but it’s getting old. I try to just accept it. Be nice with hello’s & goodbyes. I don’t ask him anything about his life, what he’s doing any more. He mostly works. He stays out late but I don’t think he’s drinking etc. but who knows really. He’s now not eating much. He gets free food from his different work places but he won’t buy himself food and he is starting to get sick - stomach & bowel. Known issues related to how he eats. He doesn’t really have friends. Neither do I. My mum is supportive but it’s complicated. If he won’t make any effort to mend our relationship then I want him to move out. I feel like he is just using me because ultimately it’s cheaper living with me than on his own. He has signed up to go to Canada in May but that dependent on covid & quarantine costs I really want to break this wall and get thru to him but I’m scared I’ll just break myself

Josie · ‎12-09-2020

My heart goes out to you and I feel your pain on both front. I have BPD, I’m 48 now. I was horrible to my mum when I was in my 20s. She had to walk away for her own health. She kept the door open and I would call or write and abuse her. Eventually I got help and our relationship mended. My mum said to me after it all that she just had to accept that it was my journey. My life and if I chose to end it then that was my choice. I’m now going thru a rough time with my 18yr old son. And she has said the same advice to me. His life. His journey. His choice. I have to take care of me and my 16 year old boy. There is only so much we can do. The rest we have to accept. It’s okay to walk away to protect yourself

Date Registered	‎12-09-2020 06:54 AM
Date Last Visited	‎12-12-2020 12:02 PM
Total Messages Posted	5
Total Likes Received	4

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Date Last Visited	‎12-12-2020 12:02 PM

About Josie

About Josie

About Josie

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