Danissa that really sucks for the boys. I can relate 100% I think it's important that you don't speak poorly first of all in front of the boys about how crappy their dad is They will definitely figure it out and then they will think you're so strong and classy I would definitely move to maybe passing messages of love to the kids on behalf of their dad. "Dad hasn't had a chance to speak to you himself but he send his love". He can record a goodnight video or I love you video so they can watch it but Allowing him to speak to them first hand constantly get their hopes up is no good. Take down dated records of his conversations and kids responses. And legal aid can be contacted if necessary. Journals are always useful in the legal side of stuff. As for the boys in particular because they are who actually matter most. Build up positivity in them Ask gp or school or kindy for a counsellor they're free. Definitely let the boys know that their dad might like to see them but unfortunately he maybe just can't. And you can spend time with them and do the things there dad isn't able to. Always play down any plans he tells the kids . They should not be aware of plans if he turns up then it's a nice surprise.
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Hi Loretta You are so strong to cut communication with those people. It can take so long to make that decision and it can be so hard hey? It was for me Not just the confrontation and issue itself but those potential or actual conversations with other people afterwards. I chose to cut ties with my mother. I had support to do it. My psychologist namely. When I find it comes up with other people I'm a pretty open book. And I day pretty candidly that I don't have contact with her. I am grateful have the strength to talk about it pretty objectively. That is with out being triggered into a big narrative or emotional response. If you're not there yet and it still is hard when the conversation might arise maybe you could develop a little rehearsed narrative that is generic and a spiel you can give that doesn't prompt any more questioning. Until you are in a positi pin to speak more openly. My narrative is along the lines of Unfortunately my mother suffered alot of trauma as a child it's unresolved so that means she wears that trauma and for her she is easily tripped into fight or flight and becomes hysterical quite quickly and is constantly seeking out trauma and drama because that's the most comfortable situation for her. No longer having her in my life means that I am able to avoid unexpected dramatic ploys to pull me into whirlwinds of emotion. I have written her a letter that I am yet to send or even re read. And it helped a lot . I hope you know, Lorettamuch it takes to cut someone out and you are doing a brave and clever thing to allow yourself space and avoid unwanted complications around your baby I wish I had done it while my babies were younger. It would have saved alot of grief Well done Happy New year
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