Goodness! The experience of single parenting and caring for children is probably one of the most difficult. Your situation sounds somewhat similar to my own with each family member struggling with one kind of personal trouble or another. I'm leaving out gory details but I learned through years of therapy and counselling, there is always a trigger. For us, it came down to feelings of abandonment from a father and husband who chose to remove himself from the family. Again, I'm leaving out gory details. While it made sense to me that the kids would experience this, it didn't dawn on me that I would, given the deteriorated state of our marriage and my willingness to accept separation. But it turned out that I grieved that loss of family more than I thought and in doing so only concentrated on the kid's well-being. I went to the gym to clear my thoughts and that still works for me. I added meditation, which I suck at and have no patience for at the best of times. When I actually thought about this, I realised that I wasn't prepared to sit through the mental process of being 'still' in order to gain a semblance of peace or clarity. Children are important. I understand now, that in order to help them, I needed to help myself mentally. There are lots of resources about meditation. I also enjoy going to the beach and will often use that time to think and create some kind of order in my mind if I feel messed up. I've cried a lot and found reason to smile. I know this of your situation, because I've been through this experience, is that you're stronger than you think and coming here is proof of that.
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