you described that so well.. i really felt the warmth and security of your arms!!! my father is quite the opposite... cold... i hate being hugged by him... i cant remember the last time we hugged.. i dread it... the most he will do is put one hand at the top of each of my arms.. and push a little inwards... and then pull me about a foot towards him and kiss me robotically on both cheeks,,, yuk and he leaves a cold wet mark as it does it... i loathe it.. it is so mechanical... and i feel like a block of stone afterwards.. a hug is a compromise of bodily energy ... when two people close in on one another exchanging and multiplying energy.. the idea is thatt you feel better after a hug... a good hug is when you feel warmth, and you feel that just for a moment in time you were relieved of all your ils, all your anxieties etc.. and you were accepted and embraced literally for who you are.... my father is horrible to me... he never approves, never congratulates... tells me i have 'nothing to offer anyone'.... sides with boyfriends.. (yes sides with them - the last boyfriend i broke up with contacted them and send them an email i had written to him - which was not a nice email... but it was intended to make him leave me alone after he did not take the break up well.... and both my parents invited him to my sisters house and they all went there (my twin brother as well) to meet this man who was complaining about me... and they sided with him!! sympathised with him..!!! I did not know of the meeting at the time. but i found out months later... and havent spoken to my brother or sister since since i feel totally betrayed... they had never even met this boyfriend... they did it for the drama of it... for the curiousity.. to put me in my place... in my teens (i am 49 now) i had terrible depression but for the last 20 years i have been happy and strong... this meeting with this man was an opportunity for them to punish me for my earlier depression... my father... such a horrid cold man.... telling me when i wouldnt eat my dinner 'eat it you **bleep**'....(he was standing right behind me) - your daughter loves you because you have been affectionate and loving.... and its easy to see why she has attached her self to you... a little like that story about a stray dog who was loved but now won't go away... i think you neednt worry about your daughter... her affection is multiplied because she feels that it is not sexual...and she adores you for that fact... but i also understand that from your point of view .. this affection doesnt sit so comfortably,... only because you are a grown man and you probably can't take this affection that is so intense!!!! not your fault at all... one's body can be a strange landscape!!! so how to stiffen up and shrug her off a little so that you get your own space... all those hugs... i am so envious!! if i ever find myself in a man's arms and relaxed and blissful that i can enjoy it without fear of anything sexual.... that day will be the day! let it evolve naturally.. be natural... the right thing will appear... think of some kind of activity you can share.... maybe play cards... (my dad did that alot with me) maybe it's a way of sharing space without having to be so close.... or chess...... change the dynamic to something competitive... so that the 'energy' sharing that you are not enjoying or that you think isnt good for either of you can be channelled... and appear into something healthier...
... View more
Hi, I read your post with much sympathy... I am not a parent, but myself in my teens was living at home and in similar challenging conflicts as you describe. You talk about her coming off her medication and the descent that followed.. I was also on medication... do you know the dangers of coming off medication without a plan? When I came off my medication through my own decision, I was not aware that there would be such dire consequences... whatever the medication was doing it was not condusive to sudden stopping... I became intensely anxious, hallucination wildly, staring out of the window with the sky flashing at me in different colours... I thought the world was about to end... I couldnt sleep and had the added affects of sleep deprivation which is a problem in itself - so that your daughter experienced suicidal feelings was no surprise to me... and how alful for her.. truly terrifying... I was taking taxis to friends houses, many miles away, incurring huge £100 bills for each journey, worrying my friends... so much so that they stopped communicating... it is terrible when one falls out with one's friends when one is in a psychological trauma... when friendships at that age is the undercurrent of one's stability.. the very core of it.... she lives at home... so that is good... and a little younger than I was at that terrible time.... so this should be fixed... and explained to her that if she comes off medication it will affect her dramatically for the worse... I had not undestood when they had explained I would become 'ill again' if I came of medication... perhaps she doesn't understand that the chemicals are doing something very particular to her brain (scary!) that they are relieving her of certain mental facilities so that she can concentrate on other areas of her life... a metaphor would be good... stop the car engine so that you can look under the bonnet and refil the oil... or something like that.... if you start the car before it is ready, then something significantly bad will occur.... medication is difficult to understand.... all this 'talking' in car parks after dark is good... the more out of the ordinary and off schedule the better.. she will remember these conversations... they will pay towards her trust in you.... it is as if you are really 'with her' on the bad trips... her companion... stay with it for as long as you can... can you involve her with domestic occupation.. cooking... cleaning... you may be surprised at how she will become involved in a long arduous boring cleaning task.... something she can absorb herself in... and say 'let's work it off'.... its amazing how a mother is the centre of one's life... and project your belief of her onto her... for your own peace of mind as well... at this early stage of her life, she is likely for some kind of penny to drop... for some kind of memory to adjust itself.. for some kind of self affirmation to take hold... that she feels in control of her life to a certain extent... and water... drink so much!!! I hope you both do well, I recovered from a deep tormented teenage life... I am no sucess story, but I got to uni, got 2 degrees, and feel that I am a strong independent woman with a good future... I got it together in my early thirties.... so not long to go! Best of luck... you are greater andmore important than you know.
... View more