Thank you for your letter of support. The reminder that I can regulate my responses instead of focusing on the fact that I can't regulate her behaviour was just what I needed. That will help me a lot and hopefully also help to diffuse situations. I do do things for myself when I can but it is hard to find the time and it's often rushed. However, I do do what I can. I was seeing a counsellor but I haven't of late. Luckily I have many great friends. Thank you again
... View more
I separated from my ex 9 years ago and have been divorced for nearly 7 years. My ex has narcissistic traits and even admitted once that he puts himself first (thinks that makes him a better parent). This means he often lets my kids down and can be quite aggressive in the way he responds if anyone challenges him or calls him out on anything. My son (now nearly 18) was really angry with me for the first few years follow the split but has since said to me he thought I did the right thing in leaving. He has accepted the way his Dad is and knows what to expect from him. My daughter (now 16) however, who has always been challenging, suffers most deeply from her Dads behaviour and I have often had to pick her up early amidst a flood of tears when she has felt betrayed and hurt.
I always seem to be mopping up the mess he leaves behind. I have had to bite my tongue and have done my best to avoid criticising him except where I have supported her decision to leave him by agreeing that his behaviour was unacceptable. I run myself in rings trying to make up for his shortfalls and make sure I am there whenever she needs me (the same with my son of course). But, I really struggle because my daughter criticises almost everything I do, criticises the state of my home (I work full time and have an elderly father to look after too. I also prioritise time with the kids over housework), so much about me that at times I feel she really does not like me. She constantly chides me like I am a child. She loves cooking but won't cook anything at my house but is so difficult to cook for. However, she is always cooking at her Dads and I am always hearing about it.
Her Dad is a neat freak but he also has his Mum who cleans for him and he is a shift worker with much more time to keep his house clean. My daughter is very protective of him and if I go over to his to drop anything off for the kids or anything else she gets very hostile if I don't ask permission before I go to the bathroom or go to the upstairs room where my son hangs out etc. She has no such issues with her Dad walking in here and going where he likes. She is like a puppy with her Dad. She gets kicked and runs away but as soon as he offers a treat she comes running back and bares her teeth at anyone she thinks might get in the way.. and that it seems is me. So I am wanting to know if anyone else has experienced this and how you have managed?
... View more