You most certainly are not alone. I don’t have any answers for you, I can only share what I attempt to achieve with my kids. I just try to have open dialogue with both my 16 yr old girl and 14 yr old son regarding feelings, especially if I have had a ‘meltdown moment’. I try to explain to them what was going on for me, apologise for losing myself and having them bear witness to ‘it’. I also acknowledge that my actions will have made their issues harder to deal with and tell them how I wish I had been able to manage myself. And most importantly remind them that it wasn’t them who caused my melt and that I love them. I guess the tricky thing with trauma is not realising you are about to be triggered, it can be sudden and illogical. I figure that by doing this hopefully they are able to forgive themselves when they have a moment the same way they are able to forgive me. if either of my teens have a moment I generally ask what they would like me to do. If they don’t know I generally suggest a drive and play chilled music, eventually start singing and know we are all good to head homeward again when they join in. if any of us wake up full of anxiety we let each other know. They know then it’s best to keep noise down, talking to a minimum and we manage to get done what has to happen. I do know that feeling guilty is definitely not helpful. You can only do your best and try being kind to yourself. And lastly, aiming for perfection is completely unrealistic. No human is perfect so don’t try to be!
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