So it’s been quite a few months since I posted, and I remember just how much having this post, the advice and care shown helped me so much. So I just thought I’d post a little update on how things are going. So, my son and I worked hard at compromise, talking and setting boundaries for us both as well as goals for the future. I am very happy and relieved to report that since all this happened my son enrolled into military college in the sept… this has been the making of him! He has found a focus, an environment he loves and enjoys and most importantly he’s found himself, his inner voice and his self esteem has realised considerably. He met a lovely young lady just before Xmas who is a few years older, full time working and is easy going and fun. He was recently given a ‘most promising student’ accolade in a military award ceremony and has recently completed his application to join the armed forces. His life has been transformed, the focus is now on his future and his fitness. The smoking and (possible) drug issue have ceased and my boy is back to being the affable young man he always was with the added bonus of new found confidence, self belief and self esteem. I am so so grateful for all the advice given on here but mostly for the kind words for myself as a mum. It’s so easy to see just how quickly things can spiral. I sought support and counselling for myself and that helped massively too. So once again Thankyou 😊 ... View more

Walking is prob the biggest thing that helps clear my mind. The last few weeks in work have been hectic as I’ve been doing overtime to cover leave. Next week I aim to walk twice. Nice long beach walks. Headphones and off to go. Thank you for all the advice and support it has been invaluable at this time ... View more

Tbh, not really except just trying to breathe and take time to think about how to approach things. It’s hard tbh. Taking time out when stressed is tricky as my mood won’t allow me to relax. I am a huge over thinker- it’s one of my biggest flaws. ... View more

Thankyou, no of course, I asked for help and advice and I appreciate it all. Tbf, the wardrobe thing was a one off. I’d spent ages ironing his stuff, because he does work 50hrs a week, and thought - naively - I will just Chuck the stuff he doesn’t wear or grown out of. Since I posted, we seemed to have reached a compromise. He has been more considerate. He has - as far as I know, and I have to trust him - he has said smoking has stopped. He’s come in at a reasonable hr of 3:30am rather than 6 and the lines of communication seem to be open. I have spoken honestly and told him that I have sought advice about my own parenting and hang ups. I was by no means, a perfect teen. I have had a long hard look at myself as well as the impact my childhood had on my parenting as pointed out by a previous comment. The funny thing is, that I have four older sons, 25 and 22 year old have already purchased homes prior to COVID - aged 23 and 20 at the time. My now 21 year old is loving life away from home in uni. So I didn’t think I was ‘over-parenting’ but acknowledge that for my youngest this may be the case. I am still - even after bring up three boys previously - am a work in progress parent. I am more than happy for any advice. Thankyou for taking the time to reply. I will certainly think about what you have posted x ... View more

Thank you. Thank you so so much 🙂 ... View more

Thankyou so much. I am overwhelmed by everything at the min and the advice on here being so good. My 23 year old is coming over later to have a chat with him. They are all very close but they are all very different. I am hoping at least that he will open up to his older brother. I’ve thought about a counsellor or something similar, but tbh having had a very tricky unstable childhood I don’t want to make it about me. I’ve tried so hard over the last 25 years to be a better parent than mine were and I thought I’d done well. I love them all so much and only want them to be safe and happy. He is not a talker at all, opening up for him is extremely hard. I feel if I do nothing he could fall down the rabbit hole, but if I do too much I’ll push him away anyway. I just can’t seem to find the balance. Thankyou so so much for your advice. It’s def helping just being able to get it it off my chest. ... View more

Thankyou so much. I have had an open conversation with him, and he def does understand. But he thinks it’s a ‘rite of passage’ his life his choice and so on. He’s always been such an easy affable boy, I don’t know what’s gone wrong this last few months tbh. I’ve tried so hard to support him. He dropped out of college at the start of COVID and when things opened up he got a full time job. He says he doesn’t like himself, that he’s always been too quiet, too reserved and he’s finding his feet and meeting new people. I don’t want to clip his wings but I am so so worried. My family are very supportive. I am in a new quite stressful role within the NHS where I live and I can’t concentrate, I’m very tearful and tbh it’s just a huge worry. I’m so scared about what the future holds if I don’t prevent it from escalating. ... View more