I'm not sure if this forum is the place for me, but I have done a lot of searching and this place seems to be the closest I can find to the support I am hoping to find.    My son is a young adult, 23 yrs old. He has suffered from depression for yrs and with that also became addicted to alcohol and drugs. When he was younger, I tried to get him help but he refused to corporate, and I couldn't afford to force him into a treatment center.  (I live in the USA and our mental health and substance abuse treatment places seem to be only for the rich) To be totally honest I also didn't want to believe things were as bad as they were. Well January 31st changed my life forever.  I received the next to worst phone call you could ever receive as a parent. It was 4:40 am and my phone rang from our only local hospital, which I happen to work at, and I happened to be getting ready to go to work. I thought to myself, " no one from my dept. should be there yet, who the heck is calling?" So, I answered it and it was the ER telling me my son was there. The next words brought me to my knees. They told me my son had attempted to take his own life. I didn't hear anything after that. I screamed for my husband and spit out what couple of words I could, and we raced to the ER. When we arrived, they brought us to him. THANK GOD he was alive and conscious. He was taken to a larger hospital 2 hrs away and we met him there. He was put on suicide watch, received medical attention and then taken to another hospital with psychiatric care. He spent 5 days there and went through detox. They released him a couple of days ago and he seems to be doing ok, he is getting outpatient care and is willing to go into their rehab once a bed opens up in a few weeks. I pray that he still feels that way when one opens up.    Now that you have the back story, how do I deal with my guilt? Why didn't I find a way to force him into treatment before he became an adult? Why did I wish to believe it wasn't as bad as it was? Why didn't I text him back that morning before he did it? See, he had texted me the night before, but I didn't see his text till 4am the morning of. I thought about texting him but thought I didn't want to wake him, but this incident occurred at 4.15am. If I just would have texted him, just maybe he would have changed his mind. I am trying to be there for him without smothering him, but I am just so scared that he will go back to the alcohol and drugs, and then be right back where he was a week ago and try again.    Thank you for letting me vent ... View more