My 15-year-old boy is a high achiever. Very bright, dux of his year, pursues everything he does with dedication and tenacity. And he is a great kid; honest, kind, loyal and caring. Like a lot of kids who are high achievers, he is a perfectionist and very much prone to anxiety. That manifests socially as well as with his study, and other things he does as well. For example, he loves tennis, has been playing since was young and is very good at it, but has had to stop competing because the pressure he puts on himself was becoming unhealthy. He still plays, but playing socially rather than competitively means that it’s an outlet for him rather than a source of stress. He wants to be a doctor when he is older, and he knows that will require a lot of study. So he works really hard to maintain good grades. He does not manage stress well. He puts SO MUCH pressure on himself… to the point of worrying himself sick over just about every assessment. And he gets so negative about it, everything I say to him is met with negativity, every suggestion with a response that it won’t work, and honestly it’s frustrating and exhausting. I’m studying myself, completing a masters whilst working full time, so I do understand stress. I’ve become pretty good at managing it, and I try to use my experience to help him. But all I get back is well I tried that and it doesn’t work for me, or I’m different to you, or some other pessimistic response. He’s previously seen a psychologist but didn’t find that helpful and doesn’t want to try again with a different one. I can’t go through this with him every time he has an assessment, and tonight I got angry with him about it when the exact same scenario played out for the hundredth time over an upcoming maths test. I can’t imagine how he will possibly manage to get through the remainder of high school, let alone a medical degree, with that approach. This is the hardest school year yet for him, but it is literally the easiest it’s ever going to be from here on out if he pursues the academic career he wants. I do believe 100% that he is capable of achieving his dreams. I am just at an absolute loss as to how to help him develop some coping mechanisms. He simply will not manage if he doesn’t learn to cope with stress in a healthy way. Ultimately all I want is for him to be happy. The pressure he puts on himself is harmful, and it comes entirely from him - we have always told and shown him that we’re proud of him, and that pride is not contingent on top grades. I would love hear how others have dealt with this…
... View more
Offline
