This message made me feel so sad for you. I guess if they are coming over every other weekend at age 25, then this isn't likely to end is it. Resentment is usually a sign that we have crossed our own boundaries and given up things we want or need for someone else's benefit. I'd be looking for my own place. Not to end the marriage but to have my own life. That way hubby can do what he needs to do for his kids, and be with you when he's free to do so. You aren't their parent and you're actually not responsible for them. This would also help your husband revisit what he's actually capable of doing without your backup and support. I.e. he shouldn't be using up your life and energy on his own responsibilities. I think stepping away would free you from those painful feelings so you could engage or not on your own terms if and when you felt like it. I think "blended" families etc require us to think outside the box in terms of meeting the needs of everyone involved. It might mean dividing a house up into different zones, or living in two houses or adults having their own rooms and space. There are different and legitimate ways to live that don't require a woman to lose herself and her whole life. ... View more

Hi there. It's probably too long ago that you posted this for my response to be any use. But I just wanted to reply anyway to say I hear you. I'm 10 years down the track of a tricky blended family situation and I have only a couple of words of advice. 1. Listen to your gut. If you are struggling with this now, it is not going to get easier. Things tend to intensify over time, the older and more worn out we get. 2. Blended families are seriously hard yakka. Like unbelievably hard. To make them work you have to be prepared to consider all kinds of unconventional arrangements. So... 3. If you have your own place or can manage two residences... keep it / do it. I can't tell you how many times I've wished we could just live separately and visit. It would help so much. 4. Ask yourself, is our love strong enough to survive this? Am I so invested in us as a couple that I can ride this out until the kids are grown? Or in your case, what if this child ends up with his dad forever? How will I feel then? Please just be as honest as you can with yourself. There's nothing wrong with you. You're not selfish. You're completely normal. Everything you're feeling is 100% normal. Please accept all of your feelings with compassion and kindness and make a decision that's best for you. At the end of the day, that's all you can do. An exhausted and resentful step-parent is not a better alternative to whatever you're considering at this point. All the best to you. X ... View more