Adult daughter with suspected BPD

[Dlr579]

Hi, I suspect my 24-year-old daughter has borderline personality disorder. From her first breath, literally, she has been as difficult as can be. Didn’t sorry her first three months. As a young child, she was diagnosed with ADHD, oppositional defiant disorder, and just a regular school system reject who didn’t fit their mold. She was kicked out of every daycare and school for aggressive behaviors and defiance. She’s never self harmed that I’m aware and she’s never indicated there has been any abuse whatsoever. Her father is a violent narcissist but has never been an active part of her life. She’s currently on house arrest and unfortunately that house is mine. She’s reverted right back to the irrational rages and has recently threatened violence. I can’t speak to her for fear it will start all over again. What is your best advice for getting her to treatment? If she violates this house arrest probation, she’ll go to prison for five years. I love her even though she hates me. I promised to never give up on her and I know if treatment isn’t found, her fate is sealed. I’d literally cut off my own right arm if I thought it could save her. Thank you for listening.

[Chloe-RO]

Hi @Dlr579 ,

I'm sorry to hear how tough it is right now in not knowing what to do with your daughter. We read you so desperately want to support her yet you don't know where to turn. It must be so difficult to see your daughter not being able to be accepted by the community even from a young age.

In terms of BPD treatments, there are talking therapies such as dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Mentalisation-based therapy (MBT) which are all shown to help those with BPD find more helpful ways of dealing with emotional pain.

The only issue is, your daughter must want the treatment in order for treatments to work. I'm not sure anyone can 'make' someone attend therapy as this will have little effect. 

At this time, does your daughter have any supports for her mental health? This is probably the first step. It sounds like there are a myriad of things going on for her at the moment. Each condition can affect the other. 

At the same time, it is important you feel safe in your own home. Boundary setting is so important for people with BPD - they help protect both parties. Unfortunately, if things get out of hand, you may need to contact emergency services.

Do you think you daughter realises there's an issue at the moment? If so, do you think she is ready to get support?