Missing money in our wallets

[Amy_Parent]

My 14 year old son keeps his wallet in a common area of the house.  A few weeks ago, he said that money was missing from it, but we thought maybe he used it and forgot about it.  He said that he hadn't and suggested that the money was possibly taken from my daughter who is 16 years old.  So we decided to give him $50 to put back in there.  Today, he received some pocket money for holiday chores and then let us know that the $50 was missing.  I'm pretty sure he hasn't used it.  We're wondering now whether my daughter has been taking money from his wallet, or maybe it was her boyfriend.  I also remembered that money was missing from wallet, the other week, but at the time just thought perhaps I just used it.  My daughter has been going out a lot in the school holidays, and saying she never has enough money.  I asked her where the money was coming from, and she said her boyfriend is given spending money from his mum.

I'd like some advice please on how best to speak to my daughter about this?

[Abbi-ro · Accepted solution]

Hey @Amy_Parent 

Thank you for sharing. It sounds like a stressful situation and you sound worried, rightfully so. You care about whats going on and want to reach out to your daughter, she is lucky to have you!

I'm wondering if this article Teaching your teens good money habits would be helpful? There's also an article here that is aimed at youths but it's handy for anyone in conflict within a family unit. Something more centred for parents are here and here. 

I'm wondering how you are looking after yourself also? There's also parentline if you wanted to ask a counsellor for some advice from 8am to 10pm. There is also headspace.

If it takes some time for your daughter to come around to having a conversation, I would encourage you to keep trying to have those conversations with their consent. If they see that you're not giving up on them, they might be more willing to open up.

Hope this is helpful, let us know how you get on 

[Amy_Parent · Accepted solution]

Thank you for your support.  We ended up having a family discussion which was good.  My daughter was a bit defensive and a few times screamed out that she didn't take the money.  We haven't found out where the money went, but we've decided to put all of our money out of reach - to reduce any temptations.  I also called Parentline in the evening to debrief on the meeting, and that was so helpful.  I'm so thankful for your services and that of Parentline.

[Abbi-ro · Accepted solution]

Hey @Amy_Parent 

Thank you for sharing. It sounds like a stressful situation and you sound worried, rightfully so. You care about whats going on and want to reach out to your daughter, she is lucky to have you!

I'm wondering if this article Teaching your teens good money habits would be helpful? There's also an article here that is aimed at youths but it's handy for anyone in conflict within a family unit. Something more centred for parents are here and here. 

I'm wondering how you are looking after yourself also? There's also parentline if you wanted to ask a counsellor for some advice from 8am to 10pm. There is also headspace.

If it takes some time for your daughter to come around to having a conversation, I would encourage you to keep trying to have those conversations with their consent. If they see that you're not giving up on them, they might be more willing to open up.

Hope this is helpful, let us know how you get on 

[Amy_Parent · Accepted solution]

Thank you for your support.  We ended up having a family discussion which was good.  My daughter was a bit defensive and a few times screamed out that she didn't take the money.  We haven't found out where the money went, but we've decided to put all of our money out of reach - to reduce any temptations.  I also called Parentline in the evening to debrief on the meeting, and that was so helpful.  I'm so thankful for your services and that of Parentline.

[Chloe-RO]

Hey @Amy_Parent ,

That's so great to hear that you were able to have a meeting about the missing money. Whether she admitted or denied, at least it's on the table that you are aware and have noticed that money has been going missing.

At the same time, well done for reaching out to Parentline. It's times like these when hearing another's insight may be helpful.

All the best with everything.