Discussion forum for parents in Australia
a month ago
a month ago
Hi @Olaf2765, welcome to the parents online community and thank you for sharing what's been happening with your daughter.
It sounds like it's been really tough seeing your daughter hide more and more from you as this is such a change from how she used to be. I can see you're really wanting to protect her from being hurt in a relationship, as well as supporting to set her up well for her studies and future, and that's a really positive thing.
At the same time, I can hear you've tried talking with her about this and setting boundaries around her social media use and who she should talk to, but this didn't have the outcome you were hoping for. Now, despite you and your husband not talking to her, her behaviour hasn't changed, and you're wanting to know how to fix the problem. It's really great that you're reaching out for support, as this isn't always an easy thing to do.
Navigating building trust with your teens and responding to risk taking can be a really stressful time. While it's important for teens to begin to develop that sense of independence and have privacy, it can be difficult for parents because they want to protect their teen from harm and ensure the best future for them. It's really understandable then that the response of many parents might be to implement stricter rules or boundaries to protect their teen. Unfortunately, a lot of the time, this may not have the intended effect. Teens can interpret your actions as not trusting them to make their own decisions leading them to withdraw and further hide things from you.
It can be a bit counterintuitive, but allowing your teen to have that privacy and space to make their own decisions, while providing advice on staying safe and being there as a trusted support if they're struggling can be a helpful approach when building trust. Does this approach resonate at all with you?
Do you have anyone supporting you and your teen through this time? I wanted to share a couple 1:1 professional support services that you might find helpful. ReachOut has a parents and carers coaching service here, and there is also Parentline
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