Chat with a Young Person about their bullying experience

[Dani_]

It's sadly wrapped up in the whole bullying experience that the person experiencing the bullying is made to feel that it's their fault, and they're isolated and disconnected.

Was there a way that you found to re-connect and get supportive people around you?

[Ngaio-RO]

I'll give rubymae a minute to answer those questions and remind everyone that here is where the support services numbers are found.

Please reach out to them if anything tonight upsets you and you'd like to talk about it with someone.

[rubymay]

I can understand how it seems so unrealistic to be bullied at such a young age. @Murgatroyd

I was always a bright child so understanding what was going on around me was something that i found easy. I think the teachers did notice, however a lot of their attempts to neutralize the conflict weren't effective. 

In the very younger years, I had other girls pull my hair and paint my uniform and run away from me in the playground. A lot of these things teachers reacted to rather than be proactive in their approach. They often told me to ignore their behaviour or that it was my responsbility to walk away. 

[Dani_]

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@Murgatroyd wrote:
@rubymay I'm really struggling to comprehend bullying so early at school. And I'm so impressed that you can articulate it so clearly. Did the teachers see what was happening? And were they able to do anything? What would you tell those teachers now about what they could do differently to have better supported you?

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Yes it's so impressive - I'm also wondering if you were able to go back as the adult you are now - what recommendations would you make to teachers and parents on how to better support you?

[rubymay]

@Ngaio-RO

I found this to be one of the biggest problems with school bullying. 

A lot of the time the victim is blamed by the teachers for the conflict which can be horrifically damaging. I've suffered a lot of trust and self esteem issues due to this. 

I think that the schools absolutley must intervene but the way in which they do it needs to change. In my experience, things like verbal and emotional bullying went unpunished because it's not as blatant as physical bullying. However, if left unattended by the school, it can also do damage. It's a fine line of choosing when, where and how to act. 

[Ngaio-RO]

That's so insightful @rubymay You're right about the different levels of attention different types of abuse get.

Was there one or two particular things that did really help? For other parents to repeat

[rubymay]

I would recommend that teachers be aware of what is going on in the classroom. Often interactions and relationships between students can be toxic. Being aware and avoiding conflict is essential. In addtion, I would recommend trying to help bullied students by helping them find and make friends. I was very alone in my situation. I would also recommend that when dealing with diciplinary actions of those who bully, to identify the issues that are CAUSING the bullying and adress them, rather than bandaid solutions which often backfire onto the victim

[Murgatroyd]

@rubymay any tips for parents about how to initiate a conversation with their child about whether they are being bullied? You mentioned your parents were often preoccupied and I can totally relate to that. Being present for our children isn't always easy. Was there a way or a time that your parents discussed it with you that made it easier to talk about?

[Greencheckers]

@rubymay
Did you change schools? Would you recommend it?

[rubymay]

The one thing that worked the best was talking with my parents. 

Knowing they were on my side and that this wasn't my fault was SO important. These conversations NEED to occur. Victims of bullying often just want someone to talk to. They need to express their feelings and their pain in order to move on.