14 year old doesn't want to go anywhere with me

[SunnyDay]

I'm a single dad of a 14 year old girl, and it seems we have drifted apart.  She has had some depression type problems in the past, but has been going to counseling for the past two years.  She has friends she talks to, and is generally happy.  She also has opened up at school and not shy like she used to be. 

In the last year or so, she doesn't want to go out with me to stores, activities, etc.  It has hurt my emotions a bit, but I'm trying to understand that it could be a part of being a teenager or wanting to gain independence.  At the same time, its just us, and with Covid and not a ton of opprotunities to get her out more, I'm concerned.  

She seems to have a strong force for doing what she wants/ or not feeling forced to do something.  I pressed the issue in the past, "come on, we have to go outside, go to the mall, etc." Also, if I force her she just resents it most of the time and it doesn't seem to have a lot of positive effect. That strategy isn't working, any tips on how I can get her to be out? 

Thanks!

[inteenhell]

Hi. I have boys, but they both stopped wanting to be seen out with me at that age too. I find the best way to get my kids to do things with me, is to let them bring a friend. I know that’s a bit hard during covid though..

[Janine-RO]

Hi @SunnyDay , 

You sound like such a switched on and caring Dad, it must be really hard feeling like your daughter is drifting away from you a bit.   It's great to hear that she has a good  network of friends, and has  I think to an extent it is pretty natural for teens to want to be more independent of their parents. Does she still seem interested in doing activities with her friends, or do you think she's generally showing less interest than usual in all activities? 

We have some good tips here on communicating with teenagers that may be helpful, you can check them out here . What kinds of activities does she usually enjoy? Do you think that if you asked her to choose a weekly activity to do together she might be more keen to get out with you? It sounds like she's at an age where she's probably wanting to be more independent, which is completely natural - but it can definitely be tough as a parent. 

[SunnyDay]

Thanks for the reply.  It was hard for me when this started but I learned to deal with that aspect. 

She just hasn't had a ton of opportunities to get out due to Covid, and while she has some friends, and she talks a lot on the phone, it seems hard for them to get together.  I just want her to get out more.  I will look at that link you provided and try to think of some different activities, it just seems she says no most of the time.  Again, thank you.

[DutchDad]

Hello Fellow Dad,
I am also a Father of a fourteen year old daughter and have been experiencing the same behaviour from her. I have been told that it’s part of the deal when raising a teen daughter. They want to explore their world and you are not a companion on her ‘trip’. Forcing her to go outside with you will only get the opposite result and a lot of grief and endless discussions with you and your daughter frustrated. I have no solution to your (and my) problem, but you can try to let her know that you will you are not going to make her go out with you when she really does not want to, but you would appreciate it if you and her could do stuff on a regular basis. My girl wouldn’t be caught dead with her dad in a mall where people she knows could see us together! But she knows I will be there for her at a non-embarrassing distance