16 y.o. son acting bizarre?

[mommyof3]

Hello all. As you can tell from the title my son has been acting quite strange lately! He has always been an "odd-ball" and maybe a bit quirky! He is pretty much your average teen boy over all.....he plays video games,golf,and his phone. OK now here is where things get bizarre-- i asked him if i could check his phone and he said no.....fair enough. I took the phone from him and he grabbed it right back OUT OF MY HANDS SCRATCHING ME. He did not realize he scratched me and apologized profusely--"too little too late,buster!" i told his father as soon as he got home. Husband seized his play station,computer,AND phone. We found LOTS of vulgarity in the phone! Husband and i explained we will do Random Device Checks just every once in a while which is extremely reasonable! Son mumbles "old c*nt".......i had  to keep myself from crying in front of him my husband had a VERY long conversation with him and he was grounded with no device privileges. Now on this past Sunday my husband and i said "son you are going to mass with us today" to which he replied "you ugly a** 'crusties' make me want to blow my brains out like 'X'"and slammed the door......"X" is a rapper my son admires who passed away. Yesterday he told the husband that he is lucky his client didnt make him "end up in a ditch".  We make him sit with us at dinner and he shakes with rage and doesnt make eye contact!We do not know how else to punish him? Military school or boarding school possibly? 

Thank you in advance.

[Claire-RO]

Hi @mommyof3 

Welcome to the forum and thank you for being so open

It sounds you have been having a challenging time with your son at the moment, and reaching out for support is great step. This is a safe place, we are here to listen and offer support.

From what you have said it must be difficult to see a change in your son and not knowing what is going on for them must be hard. There are many members here that have had similar experiences and are here to offer support.

Can you tell us a bit more about your support network, do you or your son have people you can talk to about what is happening at the moment?

[PapaBill]

hi @mommyof3 

Raising teens is very tough.

Teens today have a very different view on certain things than we do.  A phone to them is very different from what it is to us.  The phones are their connection to friends and a whole digital life.

In a strange coincidence, my partner asked to see my phone last week.  I said no.

Pretty sure it would have ended very ugly if she tried to snatch it out of my hand and go through it!

It sounds like a authoritative approach is escalating the issues with your son.  It is possible he is pushing back to try and assert his Independence.  While I agree parents need to guide teens in to adulthood my experience you can not dictate rule to them.  Would you be open to a more collaborate approach to setting limits for your son?