Hi Everyone   I find the best way to spend time with my  older teens is to do chores together. Once a fortnight we have an hour or two doing house hold chores.   Cleaning, Gardening, home improvement it doesn't matter so much what it is as doing it together. The upsides of this are many Time together Learning life skills Making them feel valued for their contribution to the home Avoid Papa getting stressed out by the mess Oh and did I mention a clean living room and carpets ? The things that make this work for us are Keep it to an hour - max 2 hours  Have it at an agreed time Agree the time at least 36 hours in advance Be communicate why it is important they participate (see upsides above) While Being grateful for their help also let them know the schedule is negotiable participation is not   It was funny last weekend when I tried to add an extra task (cleaning the windows) with a spay bottle that goes on the end of the hose.     I was trying to tell my daughter it would be fun .. she just looked down her nose at me and said "Dad we are too old to tricked into doing chores by you telling us it will be fun"   Oh well it worked for a few years    ... View more

Hi @Angel0713    It sounds like you are very concerned about the  vaping unit you found. Have you asked your son about it ?   I would suggest that if you haven't that is a great place to start. My experience with raising difficult issues is to make sure the time and location are suitable. Effective communication involves a lot of things.. far to much to cover in a brief post but here are some of the keys ones I focus on:   Make sure you are in private, it is not too late in the day the person appears calm and more likely to be receptive. When you raise the issue  own what you say (i.e.  I felt scared the other day when..) Look for solutions not to allocate blame...  ( I would like to work out a way we can) Avoid emotive and exaggerating words  (Huge issue.. ) And above all Seek to understand before being understood. ... View more

Hi @KattMomma    it is definitely hard when we see our children struggling.   School is definitely more than just academic classes, there is the whole social side which is part of the learning.  Like your son, both my children we not social in the school setting. Repeatedly I had my friends raise their concerns about the lack of interaction my children had with others at school.     It sounds like your son is able to get along at school both academically and socially and is NOT suffering bullying or harassment which is good news?     Not all kids are social in schools and IMHO it is OK for a child to be an " introvert ", though it can be hard if you as a parent are more "extroverted".   I often struggled with this with my kids during their early teens.  Now they are at University my son is very socially active and my daughter has remained her own best friend.  Both are happy with who they are though even now I desperately try to get my daughter "out" with others as much as I can.   Today being "in" (your home) is not as isolating as it was when we were younger.   Social media, on line games etc all have interactions that were not available when we were younger. IMHO it is no substitute for face to face time with friend but then I am told that is an old mans view by some young ones!   If you did not worry for your children it would mean you were not a good parent.   Is there anything you can interest your son in outside of school to help him develop friends. Sports ? Games?  Clubs?     I believe alternatives to traditional schooling in the right situation it is a god send.  In the wrong situation I believe home schooling can make things worse.  My step daughter does distance learning from home as part of a plan developed by her physiologist and psychiatrist and that is right for her.   My son and daughter both did traditional schooling despite being "introvert" as I mentioned above and that was right for them as it helped them improve their social skills which are part of what they needed to learn to become independent adults.   I can't say what you should do, I am not in a position to do so.  What I can say is it sounds like you love and care very much for your son and it is always hard to watch them struggle.           ... View more

hI @Maruko    You could also try reach out coaching if you would like to get some one-one suggestions on how to structure the conversations with your son.     Reachout Coaching ... View more

hi @Maruko    Good luck .. and remember the old truism   Seek to understand before being understood.     i.e. try to see your husbands point of view before putting yours forward.  If he feels you listening to him he is far more likely to listen to you.  And I cant tell you how many times when I listen first I end up rethinking my comments before I make them   You could start with something like..   I was very upset with what happened on Tuesday, I felt scared and worried how our son might have felt about it.. Do you have some thoughts or ideas on how we could work together and get a better result if it happens again?   ... View more

A friend of my partner and mine lost her brother last week. We went to the funeral on Tuesday and I have checked in with her today..  Just sent her a SMS with some jokes and let he know we are thinking of her and care!   p.s.  Life is treating me very well.. my children and almost step child are all growing and developing into great young adults.   My partner and I love each other very much.. I have a good job... While I am not 25 anymore and things ache from time to time I am in pretty good health.   I have a lot to be thankful for ... View more

Hi @Help_needed    Sorry I cant offer any advice on hypnotherapy as I haven't had it personally or anyone in my immediate family used it.   I imagine the effectiveness would depend on what sort of issue a person has been having, if they are physiological or physiological and the effectiveness and skill of the hypnotherapist.   I would be very careful about going down this path without discussing it with her physiologist first. ... View more

hi @Maruko    Your situation sounds troubling..  @Maruko wrote: then walked to us yelling harsh words, n he punched the wall saying "u should punch like me, u chicken bla bla bla".  Violence is a serious issue and it sounds like the behavior of your husband is quite serious.   While you can work to assist your hubby to help him deal with his issues, at the end of the day he needs to want to change his behavior and take the steps to deal with it.   As I haven't had a violent partner I cant offer any personal practical advice on how to raise this specific issue. My experience with raising difficult issues is to make sure the time and location are suitable. Effective communication involves a lot of things.. far to much to cover in a brief post but here are some of the keys ones I focus on:   Make sure you are in private, it is not too late in the day the person appears calm and more likely to be receptive. When you raise the issue  own what you say (i.e.  I felt scared the other day when..) Look for solutions not to allocate blame...  ( I would like to work out a way we can) Avoid emotive and exaggerating words  (Huge issue.. )   Some of these can help keep the discussion focused on the issue rather than turning into a shouting match about what is being said.   BUT at the end of the day .. no matter how skillfully an issue is raised, if the other person doesn't want to acknowledge or discuss the issue it is all but impossible to get them to engage. ... View more

Hi There   yep alive and well.. just back from a week on an Island with my Partner...  Wild life, open fire, chocolates and wine (non chocoholic for her)   Big trip for her as she is very much the home body and I have wandering feet ... View more

From what I have seen we have come far in inclusions of those different but there still remains intolerance and bigotry I had a special needs child in one of my auskick teams and image such a difference to his life and all on the team I treassure it as one of my best memories of that time when his mother thanked us for having him as part of the team The funny thing is when I tried to discuss it with my son he didn't even know what I was talking about..he just accepted him as he was Don't you wish all we meet could be as accepting as a 6 year old ... View more

Hi @Th3F0x Sounds like you love your son and miss him a lot while working long hours. I know when my kids were babies I hated not being able to be with them. TBH I got jealous of time others had. That was my choice and my reaction. It took me years later before I reconciliated this. I was not the wrong choice but there was a cost on me to provide for My family. The behaviour of granddad may simply be poor understanding of how you feel about how you are feeling. My recommendation is to be firm while being respectful. explain to granddad you appreciate the support he gives. Then be firm and assert your authority as the father t push the pram. Granddad hopefully will respect a take charge approach on your behalf. Also be sure to get your wife on board first. She might even help tall with her dad And 2 finial notes: There is room for more than 1 positive male role model in a child life Dad is always a special place in a child life. Making it a loving supportive positive attitude is on you ... View more

Hi It is understandable your daughter would be anxious given the situation Sound like you are on the right path. Getting help medical help. I presume you have had her doctor look for physiological causes in addition to a psychologist. In addition to being supportive parent I can't offer any additional suggestions. Keep being loving, suporting while avoiding adding to her anxiety ... View more

Hi , Simple answer is no. IMHO your reaction was just right The actions you describe are not discipline they are low level child abuse Kicking a child or Flicking the forehead are not forms of coral punishment, they are abuse. Extracting your child and preventing them returning is the minimum appropriate action. Calling and reporting these activities to child protection stating concerns over any children permenately in the home would be also something to considering ... View more

Hi @DSmum    Welcome Being a parent is can be a struggle especially in the early to mid teens! If there is any thing you want to ask feel free.. or just browse the forums you might find someone else has been/going through similar challenges   p.s.  what are we baking this weekend... I probably going to be making some sausage rolls over the weekend..  Good old Aussie style ... View more

After taking my kids to visit my 93 yr old step mum I am bribing my kids with dinner out ... View more

My best tip...  Isolate them.. in the bush is great (Camping/walking) or in the car (no phones!) anywhere they are not distracted by other things so you can get their interest and attention.    Like their Pa it is a waste of time trying to talk to them when they are distracted and have electronic devices.   ... View more

Hi @QueenV    This is a troubling issue, and as a parent I am understand how upsetting it can be for both you and your son. School is not just about academic education but also social development and part of helping our teens move into independent living.   My (almost) step daughter went through something similar and with persistence my partner was able to engage her daughter with medical professionals and to get a formal diagnosis.  This then allowed her access to "distance education" even though we live in a major city.  Through this program she was able to use to continue her education.   They key to all of this for us was realizing in her case it wasn't just a recalcitrant child but a genuine mental issue which had to be dealt with.  No as she nears 18 she is working on completing year 12   Not saying this is applicable to anyone else but this was our experience.       ... View more

Hi Everyone   I don't have a lot of personal insight on helping my children through bullying. When I spoke with them about it they indicated they both had people attempt to bully them. In both cases my children were able to give back as good as they got verbally.   Both my children were restricted from social media until later teems (15+) when they needed to start collaborating for projects in later in school.     From what I understand this is a big source of bullying so keeping them off social media seemed to work for them ... View more

Hi @Raging    Bullying can be devastating to people and online is a form that is hard to escape from. Sadly I am not surprised at the parent attitude as the so call friend had to learn these behaviors somewhere.   At the same age my son didn't really have any friends but now at 18 he has build a good peer group now he stared university.  What concerns me is the impact on your son of the bullying   Has your son "blocked", "unfrended" etc the bully ? Is there interests that he can explore to make new friends?   On a separate note, you say t is effecting your relation ship with your husband?  That needs to be explored, something happening to your son done by another child shouldn't be causing issues with your marriage.  If it is causing you feelings that are impacting the marriage maybe it is worth thinking about how to manage those?           ... View more

Hi @ Goingthruit2   It is incredibly hard when we see our children going down the wrong path and making poor choices. The behavior you describe sounds like it really needs the help of professionals.     Drugs can drive horrendous behavior and can completely take over peoples lives. Sadly no matter how much we want to help and guide our children, they are the ones making the choices. When they make these choices it can be very destructive not only to themselves but those around them.   It sounds like you love your son very much and that is why it hurts so much.  Your situation sounds particularly challenging as your son is so young and is not yet independently leaving but making decisions of his life without consideration for anyone else.           ... View more

My eldest (daughter) is out with a friend tonight and my son is having a sleep over. So I am taking the chance to take my lady to a nice dinner out  ... View more

Off to the movies with a friend I haven't seen in a long time ... View more

Hi @Xculture    It really is tough to have our children choose things we thing we disagree with. I can only imagine how it would feel for you to have your daughter take up "Friends with Benefits".   The reality is there  is little you can do to stop an 18 year old from engaging in sex should they choose to do it knowing you disprove.     The good news here is that your daughter is trying to be respectful, honest and open with you.  That is a good thing and I suggest you reciprocate.  Be respectful, honest and open with her.   Tell her what you feel in a respectful way.  Hopefully she will listen.  That doesn't necessarily mean she will change her choice but guidance of our children is ALWAYS our role as parents no mater the age of our children.         ... View more

Hi everyone My activities with my teens are - Eat dinner together - Watch TV shows and discuss - Camping holidays - Household chores done together + cleaning + House repairs + Gardening + Cooking ... View more

Hi @MomTo3Plus Sound you have a lot to manage. One of the things I took from your post was a consistent love and generosity you have for you children. One of the challenges of parenting a teen is while we guide and direct our teens they are making the choices. From this flows accepting you are not responsible for their choices. While we may have guilty feelings about anothers choices we probably are not being fair on ourselves. If we don't make the choice we should not feel guilty about it. One of the things I think you should consider is giving yourself a break. It sounds like you have done lots of thing right by your Children and if you could reflect on those it might make you feel a little better. It is so hard when see our children making choices we disagree with ... View more

Hi all My teens were responsible for getting themselves up for school each weekday. I reminded them that if they wanted to stay past set bedtime it was on them. I would regularly with great glee explain if they did not make it to school I would go to their classes to take notes - in my pyjamas Saddly I never got to go ... View more

Hi @Helplessmum Sorry To hear of the struggles your daughter and you have been through I don't have any experience of the disorder so I cannot offer any abide I echo the earlier comment that you would be best advised by a medical practitioner with knowledge of the condition ... View more