jhi @LombotRoss    I definitely do NOT think you are over reacting to want to talk and consider why your son is developing an interest in knives.  Sounds like it is great time to be talking to your son.     Unfortunately bullying is always going to happen to a certain extent in our world.   You mention your fears of bullying .. what is actually happening to your son? I was surprised to find out it had happened to my son and he had dealt with it himself when he got to high school.  Helping your son build resilience to bullying and the skills to deal with it are the ideal but this is not easy.    I suggest the if you have not yet done so, find out what is happening and not to react based on your fears.   Like @JAKGR8 from my experiences many boys develop an interest in weapons.  An interest in knives should be discussed with your son.  (I still have a hunting knife I got as a teen) I cant see if you said how old your son is?  I suggest your response has to be age appropriate so it makes a difference.   With respect to " Take away all the toy plastic swords and blade form him" I have always thought this doesn't make sense.  The world is full of sticks and boys have been using sticks as pretend swords since the bronze age.   As to getting him a knife that he can use in the woods.. (Again for a younger teen) I would suggest you get a knife and allow him to use your knife when you are both together in the woods.  Once he has proved he is responsible you can get him his own in a year or two.      There is nothing wrong with both going into the woods as novices and learning together how to make a shelter.. build a raft etc.  You dont have to know it all.. just be willing to spend time together.. You might be surprised how much he shares with you when you are both working together.  And it will help with the confidence to deal with bullying.. Win Win!           On a personal note:   I know I have had to come to terms with my father who was believed as long as he put food on the table and hurt the kids regularly that made a good father.  I like to try and be charitable in my thoughts and attribute a failed attempt to be a good father to his motivations.    ... View more

Hi @shawki11    I am glad to hear that your child isn't having behaviour issues.  It is  something to be very happy about in this day and age where kids go through so much.   The reality of being a teen today is there is a lot of judgement.  Exams, peers and social media make kids see they are being judged all the time.  Helping them grow the resilience to resist this is tough.  Many adults struggle after years of growing to manage the resilience needed in today's world.  Sadly some never do.   I would suggest acknowledging there are always people who will be judging you in life.  What I find works is to remember just because people are making judgements that doesn't mean they are wise or right in what they are thinking.  Most people never take the time to understand details or context before leaping to judgement and as such their judgements are often harsh or just out and out wrong.     Help your child understand just because someone says something (judges) doesn't make it true or right.   Help them build their self confidence by doing things they like and are good at.  Encourage positive relationships with peers.  Find out which ones are supportive and build your child up and encourage those.   With respect to licences .. I just don't get it either but it is common now days for young people not to pursue driving licences.  Intellectually I put it down to two things.. 1) The time and cost of getting a licences is WAY higher than it was when I got mine.  It is so distant and so much work many kids just see it as too far in the future to focus on 2) Internet and connectivity has them able to reach peers and friends far more easily than taking a drive to see them.   The last comment I would make is on introversion and how others perceive it. My daughter check in this week - she will be home every night this week and is happy to visit her grandma any day this week. My Son check in this week (they live with me 1 week on 1 week off) has he staying at his girlfriends 2 days this night and going out another 2. -   Both are happy well balanced young adults.  I find it more comfortable with what my son is doing... I get this that is what I think a older teen (18+) should be doing.  What my daughter is doing is what is right for her and she is extremely happy with her life.   Truth is as they get older they become their own people and dont always behave the way we would aspire for them.   As long as they are happy and healthy .. that is all you can realistically hope for.   ... View more

Hi Everyone   I going to be the old one out here... I spent a LOT of time gaming with my son.   Some of you may have heard of World of Warcraft.  My son and I spent a LOT of time in that game when I was first separated.   I had a PC set up side by side with his and "Partied" with him and we did things together.  It worked well for us and as it is a "World" we explored lots of things like the games "Auction House" where we learnt about buying and selling things in a market.. Gathering things and making items for Sale through "Crafting".  We even spent time "Fishing!" together.   As we were together I was able to moderate the interaction with other players while he was younger. This allowed me to shut down exposure to players who were behaving badly and encourage interaction with a "Kid Friendly" guild.   Fast forward years and I no longer play and he rarely does.  He is to busy with his Uni friends and girl friend to play.     Looking back I would say it was positive for him, but only because he was monitored and moderated while learning about online gaming.   ... View more

Hi @dursak    As our children move into teens it is normal for them to be interested in spending time with their friends. I too had a relationship breakdown that left my son with split parents at a similar age.   I found that for my son and I that if I provided him advanced notice of activities I wanted him to engage in... shared chores, outings, family events etc. it worked much better.   I found him reluctant to engage but I persisted and when we did actually engage he enjoyed it and now he is older he is very glad we had those times.   Keeping the discussions on why your ex and you seperated is very good idea.  Kids needs to be shielded from that.  Telling your son you love him is important.  He needs to know that men can show love as well!   With regard to "Your ruined my life" that is obviously not the truth and if he said it only once, I suggest you put it down to been a teen and move on with positive conversations.   It sounds like you are a loving caring dad who wants to spend time with your boy.  That is great, keep it up! Remember it teens are notoriously bad communicators and you need to cut them some slack as they go through growing up (btw that doesn't mean throwing out the rules )       ... View more

hi @Advice101    One of the hardest things with children as they grow is knowing how an when to let them have their independence.  How old is your teen?  What is good supervision at 13 is an overbearing parent at 18     Social media means different things to different people.  How the parents and children see it are vastly different.  To many teens it is a part of who they are and how they express themselves.   Have you considered why you want to be connected with them?  Is it because you find it an easy way to communicate with them? Is there behaviour you have seen that you want to address?    Is it just a general fear of exposing your teens to the social media world without preparation?       Irrespective of your point of view...  I would suggest that education for anyone using social media is critical.  There are dangers in social media, for example - Trolls, permanency of posts etc.  Ask any number of politicians, movie stars or other celebrities who have run fowl of public opinion after their social media history has been reviewed.   I presume you wont be supervising their social media when they are 25? So sometime between now and then you need to be equipping them to fly solo - educate them now and help them understand the risks and pit falls of social media as well as it benefit and attractions.   IMHO specific strategies depend to how old your child is and what behaviours you are seeing.   Hope that helps.     ... View more

Hi @Lucy72    One of the hardest thing about having our children grow into adults is releasing we have to accept the choices they make.. Especially the ones we would not make in the same situation.   I applaud your comment that "Our love is unconditional" as all parents love should be.  This doesn't mean we love all behaviours but it is our role to unconditionally love our children.   It sounds like your daughter is struggling to with relationships, which is not unusual for a teen. For her to understand what she really wants from a relationship.takes time and often several tries before they realise what they want.     Saying “we’ll, I guess I’m gay again!” because a boy broke her heart sounds like she really doesnt know what she wants and is reacting to what others say and do.  I would suggest you offer your unconditional love and get her to think about herself.. what she wants.. what makes her happy.     Only when she begins to understand herself will she be able to explain who she is to others, and unfortunately using labels on people really IMHO makes things worse not better.   To your question whether to "reach  out to her and tell her that if she is indeed not gay and wants boys to ask her out that she should maybe not shout out that she is.".  If I read that and slightly paraphrase and expand it comes out as "when you work out what your want be true to that".   It sounds like you are a good mum... Keep loving and talking with your daughter !   ... View more

Hi @Broken2019    Being a parent certainly can be a handful.  Having to deal with additional personal issues like relationship break ups can make it so much tougher.  Especially if your ex-partner and yourself find yourselves competing for the children in a popularity conquest.   Most Teens don't have the experience to understand the impact their action can have nor the value of things.  Many are used to having things given to them because they want them.  When the reality starts to hit in the mid-late teens that they have to contribute to get things back it can be a rude shock and they lash out without understanding the impacts they cause.   As an australian web site most on here would not have had experience with US CPS but I imagine that if you are providing a safe quality home the investigation will show that.   My partners daughter went through some tough times, ending in her moving out to live with her boyfriend. I will save you the details though I will say my partner was shattered.  Fast forward about a year and now her daughter has a new appreciation for her mother.  Nothing like a healthy dose of reality and a year of growth to help them realise that things were not half as bad as she thought.   My advice would be to hang in there.  Take steps to look after yourself and remind yourself of the good things you have done for your children. Keep the communications channels open, they might not use them now, but at some point they may want to and you need to be receptive for when they are. Try (I know it is hard ) to remember they are teenages and whilst that is not an excuse it does explain why sometimes they are acting without thought for consequences or impacts on others..   ... View more

Hi @Dad4good    So glad to hear things have improved in your family! It is good to let people know even when things are going wrong there is always the possibility things will get better.     I hope things continue to improve, it does seem that as some children move out of their teen years they seem to settle down somewhat and things improve.  Being able to hang in there with them as they pass through teenagehood is really tough and it is good you are seeing improvements!     ... View more

Hi @shawki11    Sounds like your child is having somethings to work through.  A level of anxiety is part of growing up.  Unfortunately some children go through excessive levels of anxiety and depression. Helping your child learn to manage that anxiety can be a daunting task.   It is always a good idea to consider engaging organisations like headspace who are specifically setup to help children.       Are there any specific behaviours that you are seeing?  If there are issues of safety you need to act urgently to protect the safety of you child.   How is your relationship with your child?   One of the challenges as children grow is the need to move from telling our children to guiding and advising them.  That can be difficult to do for parents and child alike   In general I would recommend listen to what is going on which your child?  Is there anything triggering the anxiety and depression?  What techniques can you work with them to do to manage these triggers?   It is very hard to offer anything more than generic thoughts without knowing more about what is happening    ... View more

Hi @Nicole    Being a parent of a teen is tough, almost as tough as being a teen. I read your post and thought it is really positive that you are trying to talk to your son about his behaviour and your concerns.  That is very important, even if you get rebuffed just making the effort shows your son you love and care for their well being.   Body image issues are ripe in today's teen world and  alopecia certainly could trigger issues for your son. Maybe you could pursue his concerns on this more?  If he is unwilling to go to councillor or talk with you is there a trusted male role model he would be able to reach out to?   I know it isn't very Politically Correct to suggest a male role model but IMHO it might be beneficial in this case.   It would be quite normal for anyone to have up and downs in their moods.  Some days or weeks are going to be good and some are going to be bad.  The other thing is mental health is a long term issue to deal with.   It sounds like there has been some video watching and some doodling but no actual self harm? If so that is a good thing!   I would suggest you keep talking with your son and making your concerns known.  It is surprising how children can respond to a little love, respect and genuinely seeking to understand what is going on in their lives.  Again - t alking with them shows you care and love for them.    I would also suggest you encourage activities like the karate where he can build his self confidence and interact positively with the world.  If you know his friends and they are "positive"  influences encourage that interactions.   It is a hard time but it sounds like you are on the right track.  Let us know how it goes.     ... View more

We came back from my camping trip and my kids are now with their mum for a week. Back to civilization and work.  This weekend I am off to a costume dinner as a monk! ... View more

hi @boridad813    I found it very scary when both my boy and my girl started to look at the opposite sex.   There were times I was not very happy with the choices they were making and we had some difficult chats.  My children certainly found some of them very uncomfortable as did I.   It is important to protect our children from harm and try to guide them from poor choices and to that we need to have open communication and trust.  Given what has happened so far it sounds like it has not progressed past holding hands, talking and fantasy.  Lets face it, 12 yr olds don't really understand adult love and what they call love at 12 will be vastly different in just a few years. The reality is at some point in the near future they will start to move on to kissing etc.   You are going to need to have the respect and trust of your child in order to guide them when that starts happening.  What you need to be doing now is building that trust so later you can deal with the bigger issues.  How do you think your daughter feels about going through her phone and diary? Do you think that will encourage her to come to you for guidance when a boy wants to do do more than kiss?  Or is it possible rather than risk "punishment" she will seek guidance from other - peers who have no real wisdom to share?   If you have fears share them.  It is perfectly ok to share what you fear with your daughter as long as it is done respectfully, at an appropriate time and place.  Own your concerns and share them.   Talking now openly and honesty will only help in the years to come. ... View more

p.s.  Just because you did stupid things in your 20's does not mean you have to support her doing them.   That's called passing on your experience NOT hypocrisy   ... View more

Hi @What_to_do    It is difficult sometimes to say No to our children when we want to give them the world.   Especially if you both are in the habit of the child asking and you always providing.   At 14 yr old I presume you are still providing the basics of food, clothing etc ? If so you don't need to give your daughter cash, so it becomes a choice that you need to make based on what you think is best for your daughter.   If you think giving her small amounts of money will help her learn to manage finances and be responsible with it then I would encourage you to do so.  Teaching children to manage money is important.   If you think it is going to end up spent on drugs (  you say "I know she will obtain weed through her friends" ) then it realistically is giving her money to buy drugs. Personally I think you need to set an example of saying No to Drugs for your daughter and Not give her cash.    As I like to try and not make it win-lose how about this for an idea. If she wants something nice, you can arrange a debit card in your name, that you can put a small amount of money on for specific things.  Then you see the statement on where the money is going.   Sure it is not fool proof but it does show that you care enough to want good things for them but until they can demonstrate they are responsible you will still be the parent and supervise YOUR money.   IMHO if you are not interfering with your child's life you are not parenting you are observing them.   That doesn't mean you manage every aspect of their life but at 14 you definitely  have a responsibility to limit their exposure to bad things (like drugs!) by controlling what cash you provide them.     ... View more

Hi @mrskode Finding help is never easy It is a long path and but for the wealthiest the cost is a factor. The good news is cost is not always reflective of quality. You may get as good quality from the community centre as a private practitioner. One of the things you might want to check is availably of the community councillor. Are you going to get the number of sessions you need? If the sessions are subsidied the number may be limited. While it may be an ongoing issue at a family level, is this new for your 8 yr old? Even if it is not new perspective and approach is not necessarily an issue. It is important your daughter is comfortable with the councillor. I would suggest booking a session and asking your daughter her thoughts before deciding. ... View more

Hi @RMBF79 I hope things do work out for you Either way keep in mind you were generous and caring The world would be a better place if more parents were like you ... View more

Easter and it's time to pack the bikes on trailer and extract the kids from the bedrooms Then head north and into the scrub.   Taking my Indian neighbour and his 6 yr old with us .. they never been camping before. He thinks I am joking when I say the toilet is 2 min walk in any direction unless it #2 and in which case it is 2 min plus 3 min digging!   He is in for such a shock!! ... View more

Hi @RMBF79    Step children are tough work any time.  When they don't respect or listen to their biological parent you have no chance to "parent" them. Especially if you have a different set or rule or expectation you want them to abide by. If you try you are likely to cop it from both your new partner and the child.   I absolutely think you are doing the right thing in setting rules in your house about acceptable behaviour.  It is you and your children's home and any guest needs to respect that.    If the partners son "didn’t like this rule and so has packed up all his stuff and left in an angry state" that is his choice.    Given your partners son behaviour and how that becomes a role model for your children I think may be the best for your family if your partners son is no longer living with you.   If this has driven a wedge between me and my partner then that is not good.  I hope your partner is just venting his frustration that his son is causing and not blaming you for his son's choices.   You offered a temporary place for the son to stay, if the son then leaves that is not on you it is on the son.  Hopefully the "wedge" is your partners frustration at his son is what you are feeling.   Certainly you are not responsible for his son and by offering him a place when his father is NOT living with you is IMHO generous. If your partner thinks it is your obligation then he really should get a reality check.   I would hope that these circumstances in themselves would not be the end of your relationship. My partner had her daughters boyfriend move in when his parents kicked him out and that was tough.  And he was not displaying any of the behaviours you describe.   I expect your partner is going through a tough time  and might just be venting and you are in the blast zone. If your partner is truly expecting you to accept his son no mater what the son's behaviour then I think he needs a reality check.   One thing I think you need to discuss with your partner is the statement "now (has) no other option than to move down to provide him with a home".  The son is 18 and making choices about where he is living.   If he chooses to behave in a manner that his mother kicks him out and chooses to move to a different location then in no way does this mean the parent has to move.   The last point is building a house together.  Presuming you are going to jointly own it, this is a HUGE step.  I mean really HUGE.  You are talking about a binding financial commitment that if you should separate in the future will likely end up at the lawyers to seperate.   My partner and I looked at doing this when we were in our relationship honeymoon (not marriage) but now we realise we have very different financial priorities and ways of looking at work and money.   I don't know your current status (Renting/owning) but I strongly suggest you don't let your partners son choices determine if you enter the huge commitment of joint property ownership with your partner.   Thats a big reply so in summary Good on ya for being willing to offer a place in your home of a struggling Team You definitely have the right to set the rules in your house  If he doesn't like the rule and leaves.. well that's his choice Don't let the sons behaviour dictate how and where you and your partner live.   ... View more

When I was as new dad I was always on the look out for GOOD parenting advice. I knew I didn't want to be like my dad (who was from the feed them spank them and you a good dad days)   A couple of truisms I latched onto were Listen to the little things when they are little and they will tell you the big things when they are big Give them choices.. Little choices when they are little so they can make big choices when they are big   It not only helped my kids learn to make choices it helped me learn to let them make the choices.. Letting them choose between Red vs green top at 2 taught me as much as it did them and prepared us both for later when they had bigger choices to make.   We found it worked for us.. My Daughter still remembers if from her terrible twos.. how we were consistent in applying our version of this.      Today she jokes "I still remember that bloody naughter corner followed me everywhere"  ... View more

Yep you do grow to love them ... Amazing isn't it ... View more

I recall our first child hardly sleep, mum got a huge rash and freaked out. People tell you how wonderful it is but at the time it can be extremely stressful and scary ! ... View more

Hi @WorriedMama    I am afraid being Australian I dont know of have any experience of US laws in this area.  I doubt whether anyone could seriously consider it child abandonment when you have arranged somewhere to stay else to stay.   Without knowing your daughter, I couldn't guess at her motivation.  It could be  she is scared she has gone to far and is lashing out or something quite maliciously planned.   Part of what is happening her is your daughter is making choices.  If she chooses to stay with her boyfriend that is her choice.  That choice has consequences, some she will love - the freedom, some she wont - lack of support.   I would encourage you to reach out and remind your daughter you still love her and provided she acts appropriately.. i.e. none of the extreme behaviour of the past she is welcome back in your home. AND re-iterate she needs to choose to both modify her behaviour and come home.    While it might seem like this is a devastating turn of events, it might be the best thing to give your daughter some time to reflect on her choices and options.   While the situation with my partner and her daughter was not as extreme as the one you are living, it was only by letting her daughter choose to live somewhere else at 16 that they were able to move their relationship forward into a more positive one... they are out having breakfast as I type so there is hope that this could be a step towards your daughter understanding of how the real world actually works.   ... View more

Hi @WorriedMama    It definitely sounds like things are out of control and on the far more serious than simple mis-behaviour. Your are caught in an impossible situation.  An out of control teenager who by the sounds of it is threatening the rest of the family.     As a parent, you can do everything "Right" and sometimes end up in a situation where things go horribly wrong.   When I read your post, the bit that lept out at me was what you fear could happen to you and your other children.  "L osing my home, I'm concerned for the safety of my other children who are 8, 2, and 7 months."   I know when things were bad with my ex and I the thing that made me take action in the end was the impact I saw it having on my children.   I am sure you would endure a great deal for your older daughter but when your daughter's behaviours  impacts rest of the family so seriously, I think you need to be making the smaller children safety your the priority.   When you have offered her assistance and done all the things you can up to and including inpatient care sometimes you just have to accept that this is beyond your control.        No one doubts you love and care for your daughter, and sometimes the hardest thing in the world is to let them make their choices and take the consequences.     She is definitely old enough to make an informed decision about her actions and in turn the consequences of those actions .   By choosing not to take her medication and refusing counselling she is making a choice. You are not responsible for the results of her choices.  All you can do is guide and support her.  If she makes bad choices your heart breaks, you become frustrated and dumbfounded at how they can possibly choose what they do,   I am not suggesting you write off your older daughter, but if she is not taking medication and is a threat to your younger children or yourself you must act to protect your family.    I don't know where you are and what support is available to troubled teens to help her find "somewhere else to go" so I cant advise you with practical support on how to make arrangements.   If things are as bad as they sound finding alternative accommodation for your eldest needs to be a priority, because if a "Caring" neighbour involves child services and there is a police record of violence at the home things could get very complicated very quickly.   I wish I could do more to help.  Know that with the way things are it is only human to feel scared, frustrated and hurt.  Dealing with that on top of dealing with your daughter can seem unimportant but I would encourage you to look after yourself as well because you have small children who need you to be there for them             ... View more

Hi again @Lekino    Grief and anger are both emotions my partner and I went through.  Angry at the stupid things she is doing and grief at the loss of the closeness  of having her daughter with us and sharing her growth.   I tend to agree that many professionals tend to trust what a child (Teenager) says over their parents.  There would rather err on the side of supporting a child move out of a caring family than leaving them in a abusive home.     It is so hard to see them break away, especially when they do it so (too) young.   It causes so many feelings of frustration, fear and hurt which if we are not careful can cause us to become angry and behave in a destructive manner.   All I can suggest is hang in there.  Try keeping the constructive dialogue open.   Active listening and acknowledge your daughters point of view.   You don't have to agree with it, but if you dont listen and acknowledge their point of view, how can you expect them to acknowledge yours? Once we understood what was driving our teen, we found sharing our feelings of frustration, fear and hurt with our teen helped them to understand where we were coming from.  With a better understanding some of the more destructive behaviour - lying, manipulation and aggression reduced.   She didn't start doing what we thought she should.. it just got a little better.   If you wanted to do something about a petition you could look at https://www.change.org/   It is a popular place to find existing partitions or start a new one.     Hang in there... it is worth it and hopefully things will get better. ... View more

Hi @GiGi74    This is a tough one. While I do love the idea of testing and getting a definitive answer I just dont think it will work.   I am not sure how you can "make" and almost 16 take a drug test. Even if you do Marijuana urine tests are not necessarily going to tell you anything of practical use. With casual use, the drug may not show up after 48 hrs. It can show up longer with prolonged use, but it unless you test 2 times a week you really not going to know for sure. On the relationship side - a) If she is taking drugs it is not likely she will agree if she has been using recently - And it will insisting will damage your credibility when she refuses. b) If she is not taking drugs then she is going to feel hurts and distrusted and that will definitely damage your relationship.   I do think discussing the concerns you have are much more positive way to go. It is possible by sharing your concerns you might be able to guide them away from the drugs and if not you might be able to at least reduce some of the more risky behaviours.   The sad fact is even if you know the truth you cant control what she is going to do with her friends when she is out of your home so you need to try and educate and teach your child to make good choices.   ... View more

Hi @Lekino    it really sounds like things have got you down right now. A tough situation not helped by someone you trust doing something which makes you feel betrayed can't be helping.   I can't explain why it is that at 16 daughters think they are equipped to take on the world but sadly they seem to be being told this by peers and so called professionals.  There seems to be an epidemic of mid-teens leaving home and moving in with older boys (I wouldn't even call him a man if he is a 20 yr old apprentice).   Sadly it seems some are teaching our young about their entitlements and not their responsibilities.  She has no responsibility for her actions and an entitlement to living as an adult at the governments expense.   The sad thing is while we might not agree with it, we do have to learn someway to deal with it. Sounds like you have tried tried and tried again to share your knowledge and experience with your daughter yet she is determined to move out and do it HER way!   It so frustrating when you can see the good she has in her but then behaves to isolate you from that.  When you say  "my daughter learned to cook healthy, while she refused to cook anything at home. " it must be so frustrating have you cutting you out of her learning those life skills.   "she helps a friend look after her horses"  but she just does not care for  the one you gave her must be so frustrating.  You can see the good in her but it seems like she deliberately is excluding the things you give her and do to help her like.     I don't think your partners approach of blocking her is the way to go.  You don't want to make it harder for your daughter to reach out to you when she needs you.     My partners daughter story is almost identical to the one you describe except the "man" involved was unemployed.  She was 16 and determined to live with this  "man" and there was nothing we could do to stop it.    My instinct was to do "tough love" and push back but my partner kept up the unconditional love.  My partner went through countless sleepless nights, stressed out days and worried herself almost to the point of illness.   Three years later I can tell you the good news is if you stick in there and love your daughter there is a good chance it will improve as she gets older.  My partner now meets 3-4 days a week to take her daughter to and from work or for breakfast and their relationship is the best it has been in years.   To get there my partner had to let her daughter go, she couldn't stop her and by trying to do she was only damaging their relationship.  My partner dreaded it and it was not done with any joy but in the end her daughter was mis-behaving so badly there wasn't a choice.   I know it is hard to see in the mountain of bad  but there does sound like there are a few positives....  -  she values and wants your love  -  it sounds like your daughter is talking to you (at least some times) in a civil way.  -  it sounds like she has a secure roof over her head  -  if she is saying the guy is such a good guy, possibly the rumours about his past have been overstated?   Adding to @TOM-RO thoughts it might be your daughter might very much still want you in her life but in a different way from what you are used to and expecting given her age?  It is possible she is struggling to find here independence.    Her wanting to be independent at 16 IMHO is far to early but the sad truth is in our society she can walk out the door and there is nothing a parent can do.     On the practical side,  If what you are doing  is not working  it might be time to try something different even if it is not what you think is right.  The truth is as you said she is in a country who thinks children at 16 and even younger are old enough to do as they please and you need to work with her to re- define your  relationship to one she is willing to participate in.   Normally I would suggest councillor to help with this but it sounds like your trust in councillors has been seriously undermined?   Is there someone she trusts and respects which can help you communicate with her about working with her to build a improved relationship with her?     If you do know someone, one of the hardest things for you will be to accept (you don't have to agree with, just accept) she is going to have increased independence and equal say in how your relationship will be moving forward.   Either way I would suggest applying my favorite Adage - "Seek to understand before being understood".  Seek to know why your daughter is doing what she is and be willing to repeat what you hear back to her.  You don't have to agree with it but it might help if you daughter knows you are at least hearing what she is saying.   The final thing I would say, is "You can't look after anyone else if you don't look after yourself."  Reaching out is great step and you do need to do what you need to for your own health.   @TOM-RO  mentioned some support options you can consider.  In addition to those I would say what do what works for you... If that means locking yourself in a room and screaming or crying then do that.  If it means long walks in the scrub then go for it!     ... View more

Sorry to here things are pilling on top of you @mrskode Opening yourself up to others always comes with the risk of bettong hurt. Sadly it is far to often we are hurt but with out opening up we can never find the true friends who we were ment to find I know you have short help for relationships with your daughter.have you got help for ptsd? Sometimes you need to help yourself before you can help others ... View more

Hi @sahara Definitely sounds like it vou having a lot of turmoil in your and daughters life. With most teens somedays you feel like things are improving (like when you got home) and some days things seem to fall apart (like finding drugs and lies) That you are keeping in there battling for you daughters well being is a credit to you and a blessing to your daughter, though she would not thinks so now. Sounds like you using the support of councillors etc which is great. We all want to be listened too and I am sure you have been through learning all about active listening. Trouble is sometimes people equate not being agreed with as not being listened to. Try repeating back what you hear to her before stating your position The other suggestions I would have is.. you will never win a discussion on attitude. Try focusing on behaviours. They are quantifiable and therefore thing that you can talk to Remember to keep hanging in there fot your daughter and the rest of your family. They benefit from your care and love Even if they don't realise it today ... View more

I went and talked with a Neighbour and Friend and talked about our relationships There may have been scotch involved .. there was no evidence by the end of the night of any scotch. ... View more