Hi @Chloe2007    how old is your daughter?   What sort of relationship is your daughter looking at ? There is a lot more to learn as a teenager than academics skills and knowledge Social skills also need to be developed.  I saw my sister in law (widow) totally ban relationships and the daughters just ignored it and hid their boyfriends.  That prevented my nieces getting any advice where they could have used it.       ... View more

Hi @Redrobin    Staying at home can be a good thing.   Some people are introverted some are extroverted.   How does your son interact with others when he does?  Are they positive and his social skills are developing as you would expect for a 13 yr old? Does he engage with others on social media, computer games etc?   What is he doing when at home?  How does he interact with the rest of the family?   With my daughter she is fine, she just likes to relax in the comfort of his home then it might just be how she recharges "Introverted"  as apposed to going out and spending time with people "Extroverted"   As I would like to see here out experiencing her life more, I am always trying to get her to go out and do things but it is a fine line between encouraging and nagging.    I just have had to learn to accept this is who she is.   ... View more

Hi @Justin_T    Sounds like things have got very messy... not that blending families is ever easy! With you have a mix of part-time and full time children on both sides of the blending you definitely have a complex situation to deal with.   I always like to try on focus on what we can do moving forward as we can't fix the past.  We can acknowledge and learn from the past and hopefully avoid the mistakes of the past.     It does seem you are making HUGE decisions very quickly.. move in a new partner and 2 sons after a few months ask her to move out ask her not to move out I would suggest Slowing down in make such big decisions.   Having big changes like these being make a large impact on peoples lives.  If people involved don't feel like they have been considered and had time to adjust to the ideas it will make them feel powerless and that is going to cause issues.   This is especially true of Teens who are struggling to take control of their own lives. When you daughter says " She says that she feels like she's living with strangers" - that is a valid point of view.  It takes a long time to get to know people.  Having strangers in your house when you sleeping can be quite unsettling for some people.    It sounds like you have explained to your daughter that you are going from Single family to blended back to Single then changed back to blended  in a very short time.  That would make anyone feel like things are spinning out of their control.  You are making the decisions and eve you seem to be feeling that way.   Teens are struggling with who they are becoming and finding themselves.  I suspect y our daughter might be struggling herself to understand her feelings so it is not surprising she is struggling to explain them to you.  These feelings may also change based on the most recent experiences so it not surprising  your daughter is hard to understand.   With respect to your mother telling you that you are running your family, one thing I learnt from my partner and looking at blending families is that your parent has no idea what the dynamic is inside your family and while good intention your mother really is not in a position to judge, no one else is.  No one can tell you if you are doing the right thing or not.  Different people have different views on what the right thing is for a start so no one can answer this but yourself.   What I would suggest (as I said before) is slow down in making big decisions and involve all those impacted before coming to a final decision.  These are impacting many peoples lives and flip flopping is only increasing stress and tension in the relationships.  I am three years on in trying to blend my partners family with mine and I can assure you any of the decisions that were made in haste ended well.   You say you are engaging and trying to understand your daughters perspective.    This is great and you need to continue this.  (Second suggestion)   It is possible you new partner has not done anything and could be the nicest person in the world and your daughter wont like the idea of you and your partner together.  Especially if your ex and your daughter have issues she would be particularly sensitive to being "replaced" by your new partner in your attentions and schedule.   My last suggestion is make sure you are spending time with your daughter to make her feel she is still very important to you and is not being replaced.  If you have a "thing" you do together make it a priority.  If you don't find a common interest and make it your thing and a PRIORITY and exclusive to the two of you.   For my daughter and I it is cooking.. that is our "thing" and we spend time on the weekends doing that.     ... View more

22.  Chase the dog around the yard 23.  Build a fort under the dinner room table 24.  Use Cardboard Boxes to make a castle 25.  Do a treasure hunt 26.  Play Hide and seek 27.  Have an family athletics competition..        Handicapped.. i.e. young kids have less distance to run. Throw from a different line etc. 28.  Make Lemonade   ... View more

Hi @mamabear19    This sort of thing boils my blood.  Schools these days seem more interested in protecting perpetrators than protecting students.     How is your daughter?  Is she suffering ongoing issues with the boy returning?  Do they interact in classes etc? Would your daughter be open to external councillors i.e. outside the school ?    Depending on the way your daughter is feeling it may be appropriate to consider moving schools.  I know that is not fair on your daughter but it might be best if she is adversely effected by the boy still being in the school.  My step daughter moved schools after an incident of bullying (not the same I know) and that helped her. I am not saying that is the answer,  just something to consider. ... View more

Hi @SummerSunshine    We all wish we could help our children grow and pass through troubled times with out so much pain.  It must be so much harder for you with your daughter.     I don't have any experience with  Autistic Spectrum Disorder so unfortunately I have little in  the way of practical advise I can offer.  All I can do is tell you it sounds like you are doing a heroic job of looking after your daughter in a tough time and you should always remember that no matter how tough it is you are making her life better     PaPa Bill ... View more

Hi Short answer no problem IMHO Longer answer Teens today are under greater body image pressure than ever. If yours are comfortable streaking for a towel - good work on the confidence you have helped them build DON'T listen to other who tell you otherwise. Some advice says more about those giving it than those it is meant to be about. Don't let others project there image issues into your family Have I seem my 21 daughter race through the hallway from the bath...yes, so what?? Have I seen my 18 yr old son...nope, so what?? Sounds like you raising good kids.. Keep at it ... View more

hi @hermum76    It is heart breaking to see our children hurt, and to see it from someone we love is even worse. I don't have a personal experience with this so I cant offer any wisdom based on what I found work.   How is your eldest with others?  Surely your eldest has had to learn to get along with others at school (maybe work?)   Your eldest is right she cant force her self to like someone she doesn't.  Nor can we force changes in the way our children feel about things.  What she CAN do as a parent is demand your is our children behave in civil manner towards others.     The reality is your eldest needs to learn to positively interact with people she doesn't like as she moves in to university / work.     I would suggest observing the behaviors of your eldest and identify which ones are unacceptable and addressing the behaviors with your eldest. Teens are the masters on non-verbal messages so be sure to look for  rolling eyes big huffs and sighs abrupt answers or ignoring conversations etc etc. Maybe ask your youngest what upsets her the most and if that is something that is unacceptable address that with the eldest.   When raising it with the eldest, I suggest addressing the behavior with out the youngest around.  Make it about the eldest having to learn to behave civilly with those she doesn't like because you have to when you are an adult.     ... View more

Hi @Jess1-RO    I found by asking them to specify a pickup time and place it made them plan their night a bit more. That had them thinking when they were clear headed and in thinking (as apposed to making decisions when they were not in a good state to make decisions)   It also allowed me to have some comfort on what they were doing, where and with whom.  I used to say I am not trying to control them or micro manage their social event.  My position is it just showing courteousness  and consideration of my time / sleep to let me know where and when in advance.   Sometime that would let me provide some proactive advice... mmm do you think that is a good place to meet at that time of night? How about we meet at x at time y instead of what they were proposing.   After all I am doing them a favor, it is not to much to ask for a little consideration on their side ... View more

3.   Cooking 4.   Plaster decorating 5.   Camping 6.   Walking the dog 7.   Flying a kite 8.   Go Fishing 9.   Wood work 10. Gardening (Grow something)   ... View more

hi @Atlanta    Absolutely I would get out of bed and pick them up...I tell them all the time I am willing to get up and get them.    Note: I am talking about 17+ teens here!   Luckily neither of my late teens (well one is just over being a teen now) were big party people so I have only had to do a few pickups.  I might be a little less enthusiastic if they were asking for pickups every weekend.   I had the ? privilege ? of chaperoning a 16 yr old birthday party for one of our more expensive private schools.   I wont go into details but I was quite shocked at the behavior and one thing that stuck in my mind was the dozens of kids rolling out of the party at 11:30 with none to pick them up.   It was quite disturbing to see they kids roaming into the streets with no where to go and little to no understanding of the risks they were facing in that situation.    In practices, we had rules and expectations they would let me know in advance they would be at a specific point which we agreed in advance so I could be sure I felt it was safe they would be contactable on the phone through out the night   As I said this was for late teens.. if you are talking 13-15 yr old.. different story!   ... View more

Hi @Bnwcbw00    It certainly is a tough situation.  My response is quite long winded as I went through this beside my partner 3 years ago!   My partner had the exact same issue.. My partner and I went away for a 5 day holiday leaving her 16 yr old daughter at home (Grandmother is 5 min walk away) and came back and found her unemployed 19 yr old boyfriend had been moved in after he was kicked out by his parents.   Months went along and the relationship between mother and daughter nose dived.  My partner was being driven out of her own home through steady deteriorating behavior from her daughter.  During this time my partners mental health continually was under assault and she was racked by guilt and anxiety.    After about 18 months later my partner snapped and one day told them they had to move out she was selling the house and moving in with me.  Her daughter and boyfriend moved back in with his parents 5 days later and my partner still has her house.   My partner now sees her daughter 4-5 times a week for breakfast and coffee as they finally settled in a place around the corner on their own.   The point our story is while it seems like my partners world was coming apart she hung in there with her daughter and never stop loving her. In the end we had a happy ending but it was a terrible journey.     So some things to think about.....   Some important things to remember about you: You have the right to choose who does and does not live in your home. You are NOT responsible for what happens to your daughters boyfriend. There is a difference between generosity to help those in need and being used.    Some important things to consider about the boyfriend: Is the boyfriend working to become independent or just taking advantage of the current situation?  It sounds like he doesn't have a plan to become independent and if that is so IMHO he is taking advantage of you and your daughter. Unfortunately some times people end up living in cars.  Sometimes it is their choices that lead them there, sometimes it is beyond their control. If you are giving him time to arrange his own accommodation and he doesn't then the consequences of that are on him.   Some important things to consider about your daughter: At 18 yrs old your daughter is an adult and make her own choices. If she thinks living in a car with her boyfriend is better than living in your house that is her choice.  Threatening to move into his car and actually doing it are two different things. Sometimes you have to let your children make choices we don't like to learn the reality of how the world works.     What should you do Every situation is different.  If my partner had been as hard on her daughter and boyfriend as I would have been she probably would not enjoy the strong relationship they have today.  So the advice I would give today would be different than if you asked me 3 years ago.   Here is what I would do today   Love your Daughter... Tell her you love her and want to support her. Decide what you can and can not live with.  Are you willing to have him stay some time?  Is he paying board then that should be addressed ASAP.  My partners boyfriend had to pay board when he was staying with us though it was well short of his actual costs!   Discus the situation with your daughter.  I say this not because the discussion is important.  Based on what happened to my partner you wont get agreement.  Discussing the situation models adult problem resolution and to let he know you are not being unreasonable.. Let your daughter know you can not support her and her boyfriend indefinitely. Set a limit on how long he can stay.  Give him a fixed limit to get something sorted out. Regularly remind him as time goes by they have 3 weeks remaining, then next week 2 weeks remaining etc.  Make sure they know you are serious and time is passing When you get to the end of the time.. ACT - be firm and cut him lose.  If you daughter choose to go, remind her she is NOT being cast out, you love her and she is always welcome back in your home.           ... View more

My first foray into this as a dad was to take my 14 yr old daughter and 12 yr old son to the supermarket and showing them how to buy condoms.  We made it a bit of a joke, the kind of joke when you know that under the mucking about there is a serious message being given.     My first serious discussion was when my 15 old son started asking for his girlfriend to stay over it was trigger for me to have a talk with him.  I know they teach about the physical part of sex at school but I still felt as a father I needed to provide some guidance to my son.   It was quite uncomfortable for me but the stakes are high when you child starts into what looks like a relationship that can end up in them having sex.  IMHO there is a big role still for parents in guiding their children in this space, even if it was not comfortable for either of us.   I started the conversation off by saying I wanted to talk about his girlfriend and her staying over.  That while I know he has been told about sex at school I wanted make sure I told him about the importance of respect for his girl and the importance of contraception.   Our first conversation was fairly short because as soon as we got onto contraception he shut it down saying they were not having sex.    At the time I believed him because they way were together seemed so innocent to me.     Fast forward a few months and I raised it again and this time he was more willing to discuss the importance of contraception stating he knew about it and would make sure everything was under control.  I found out his girlfriend was not on the contraceptive pill (like so many mid/late teens are) and that gave me a scare.   Still he assured me I had nothing to worry about.   My son and his girl are in a committed caring relationship but I don't think I will ever stop being concerned about what accident could happen but then I wouldn't want my children to miss out on loving relationship..  I guess as a parent I am doomed to worry about my children's lives forever! ... View more

Hi @sarabell101    I hope things are going well for you and your son.. well as can be expected that is given the situation. On the weekend I was relating the story you shared about your brave and moral son to a friend from India who didn't really get the subtitle negative connotations of being called a snitch, so we discussed  Synonyms  and came up with Whistle Blower.   For what is worth maybe next time your son uses the word sntich (if he does) maybe you can redirect him to the great things Whistleblowers do in the world :)         ... View more

hi @hermum76    I am sorry to hear your daughter is having such a tough time.  Being a teenage girl seems a very tough gig these days.  Unfortunately I can only offer perspective of someone looking in having my own ex-teenage and a parterner with a teenage daughter.   We all have up and down the concern is when these start to impact our lives.   In my experience I have seen the teens in my life go through mood swings in a single day and day to day.  What would help you work out if this is normal is to ask her how she is feeling and why.   This can be difficult as teens are notoriously bad communicators especially with parents.  Even when the communicate sometimes they don't really understand what is upsetting them.    If she has a good reason to be upset (i.e. something upsetting happening) then that is quite normal.  If she is having significant mood swings for no reason she might need to consult a doctor for a physiological reason.  Teens bodies go through wild changes and while they may not be still growing on the outside, inside in the brain they are still developing.   It is natural to look at any situation and ask "What could I have done better".  When it is something as important as being a good parent we are even more likely to be our own worse critics.    It is good you are reflecting at your on behaviour.  It is a fine line between being caring and being down right annoying parent to a teen.  I can assure you every parent I know who cares tries to spend more time talking and trying to be with their teen than the teen likes.   My suggestion is to concentrate on reducing quantity and increase quality of interactions.  This is hard.  Parents need to change along with their teens as they grow and that is even harder for us who want to just protect them the way we did when they were little.  Unfortunately we cant and trying to just stiffles their growth and can lead to them getting upset with their over bearing parent.   I find scheduling interactions helps my teens not get frustrated with there dear old dad. We eat as a family.. booking times to do house chores together.. book family outings etc. I normally get a bout 5 minutes impromoute time before I see the back of teen disappearing into their room otherwise.. and I don't even both to follow as the attitude if I dare to interrupt them in their room could be cut with a knife.   I love my kids as I am sure you do and letting them grow up and spend more time alone is not only tough but makes me a little sad (I never would admit to that of course being a Male!!) so I imagine doing it will be even tougher for a caring mum!   p.s.  you never stop worrying about your kids.. you are a parent.. it is your job.. what you need to do is not let that worry turn in to behaviours that stifle our children's growth in to young healthy independant adults.     ... View more

Hi @Nero4554    mm.. lining up by height seems a strange training exercise.     Playing Warhammer board games and card games is social even if it is seen as some to be nerdy! I spent many a late teen night doing similar games.  If he is in a major city is there a club or group anywhere he can join?   I am glad to know you will never give up on him.  The challenge is sometimes it hard to know what is the best way to help them and support them.     There are a lot of skills to be learnt before becoming an adult and so few are taught in school.   Sounds like you have an idea of some changes you can to make to help support your sons growth??  i.e. To support him in doing things on his own.  These will take time to learn and each time he is able to do something independently it helps him grow.  It will take time but it is not to late to help him learn !       ... View more

hi @Katubb    Wow sounds like you are living a nightmare! I know talking to strangers for advice is crazy but at least you will be in good company with the rest of us crazies!   I does sound like your son needs help and support and you have tired to get it for him. You don't mention details of the previous help you have sort. I presume these covered the issues that might be driving your son ... physiological, physiological etc ?    What ever the causes, the thing that leaps out to me is it sounds like you are potentially at risk of physical attack.  That can not be ignored or trivialised.    If your son has damaged property and is now threatening to stomp your head then you MUST take steps to make sure you are safe.    I presume for the post your son is still living with you but is not there currently?  If he remains in your home there is a real issue of your safety with his behaviour deteriorating.   We all should love our children unconditionally but that doesn't mean we have to love or accept their behaviour unconditionally.  You have a right to safety in your home and taking steps to secure your physical safety does not mean you don't love your son.. I wont say what those steps are as your situation is unique and I would never presume to understand it.. But I will say you need to make sure you are safe.       ... View more

Hi @Nero4554    It is never easy to hear our children are not thriving the way we would hope for them. It is good that you are still supporting your son even if he has moved out.. Has he gone far?  Are you able to see him as well as support him when he calls and texts?   Unfortunately it is often those who are most at threat which seem to be targeted by bullies. It is good that he is out working and it is important to encourage him to continue to engage with the world. Not all work places result in great friendships, that would be more the exception than the rule IMHO.   Is there any interests he has were he has a passion that he can meet with others to enjoy? I have been trying to get my 21 daughter out of the house and finally got her to sign back up to fencing which she did in high school.   I wish there was some secret I could share to make it easier for you and your son but reality is it sounds like a tough situation.  All I can say is keep loving and supporting him.. encourage him to keep trying to find good people to have in his life.     ... View more

Hi @Spaceace2019    That is a very familiar issue for me.  My 18 yr old son went through something very similar (less the want a baby bit) a few years back.     My son was always touching and holding his girlfriend when they were together and they were like a couple of entwined snakes when on the couch together.   I had a very uncomfortable discussion with him over time.  First was talking about sex.. (initially he assured me they were not doing anything) then about contraception (months later). Luckily he was willing to listen to his old man.  I structured it by stating I respected he probably heard it all before but I was concerned and I wanted to share my concerns. He took it in the way it was intended.. not to tell him what to do but rather to make sure he aware of what could happen and how even if embarrassed this is an important topic.   Your son sounds like he is a little younger than mine (think he was 15) so he probably a little more nieve.    IMHO The fact she is saying she wants a baby now means you need to be chatting about contraception now! It is good to share your thoughts and expectations and provide guidance.  That is what parents are for. You need to stress these are his choices and there are possibly life long consequences.  Unfortunately there are hundreds of young fathers who naive actions resulted in a situation they never wanted. It is important to make sure he needs to know he has the right to say NO to sex, he has the right to insist on protection - despite what his girlfriend may say or want.   I hope it goes well for you and don't let your discomfort or unwillingness get in the way of the of what is a critical discussion                     ... View more

hi @kiwimama    It is great she has been more open even if it is for a little while.    Funny isn't it how things can ebb and flow within a relationship.  It is great that when she feels she needs support she is opening up more.. that is really positive sign IMHO.   Not eating well and being sick can certainly drain anyones energy and make them more susceptible to feeling low.  Being there when you are needed can help strengthen any relationship.     I would encourage you to keep hanging in there.  Take the win and cherish it.  I am sure sometime in the future you will be feeling low yourself and being able to recall how things were better can help you maintain a positive perspective    Raising a teen is definitely a long term project..!! ... View more

hi @Besttrakom    I agree children should be able to get support and assistance when ever bullying occurs.   Bullying an be incredibly destructive to children and unfortunately it is often those it most effects who are targeted.   Bullying can result in long term damage to children and teaching them how to deal with it, including how to get assistance from adults is critical function of teachers and adults in our education system. ... View more

hi @SHAAF    Interesting question when is appropriate for a child to complain?   IMHO you would have to look at what the issue specifically as well as each child.    If you have a child who is always "complaining" there is multiple possible reasons is it attention seeking behaviour are they struggling in class is there a peer they are having issues with is their problematic behaviours not been addressed in the class room Try to find out what the driver of the behaviour.  Then you can understand it and look to address it.   If you have a child who is never "complaining" you need to understand if there is an issue there is the teacher approachable does your child believe it is an issue that needs to be addressed via the teacher is there internal issues that need to be assisted with is there peer relationship issues   I am not sure what guide there is to be learning the "Art of Complaining". Complaining has a negative connotation and most self help will stay away from encouraging "complaining".  Rather they will seek to assist with building confidence building communication skills building self reliance building good relationships how to get assistance from teachers  etc etc ... View more

hi @sarabell101    I must admit to tempering my earlier reply to what I might say in person.  It servers no one to speak ill of your sons father.   What I will say is it does sound like your well on the way to having your son turn in to a young Man (not just a male child).  This is really really hard with the male role model in his life is demonstrating behaviours a Man would not.    It is very tough to take a moral stand and to have your young man doing it at 10 is commendable.   Unfortunately your ex's behaviour is of concern.  If he is continuing to abuse your son with the name calling and threats (  "snitches get stitches"  is a threat to your son's physical safety imho) you may need to take action to address this with the ex.       ... View more

Hi @HippyMum    I agree with your concerns about peer group for you child.  I had the "pleasure" of supervising my first ever 16 year olds birthday party publicised on facebook.. I will save you the details but I am glad my children Never had those people as their so called friends!   It is quite normal for a teen to disregard their parents concerns and reasons.  If she is like my own children they see me as out of touch and unrealistic in my fears.  Looking back I can't say I was not similar in my low regard for the boundaries my parents wanted to set.   You mention you are concerned with her behaviour.  Is there anythings specific you are looking to share or get advice on?   It does sound like you are working on strategies that I would suggest...  Encourage positive relationships Consequences for poor choices  Positive rewards for good choices  Engage her wider sphere of contacts (school, friends and family etc)   It also sounds like you are making some progress?     ... View more

hi @Tazzie    You are NOT A FAILURE. Looking at this from the outside..   First... your son is 10 and that is an age when you are still working out how the world works.   Second... It is natural to want to protect our children but sometimes protecting them can not be best for them in the long run to let them face the consequences of their actions.     In this case .. It is probably best your son got caught and as a result got to understand there are negative consequences for some actions.  Goodness knows I got plenty of them at his age (and older) courtesy of school discipline system.   It's a big positive that his teacher had expressed this to be uncharacteristic of him which means he this is not what he is normally like.     If your son is already feeling the impact of the detention and removal from class responsibilities I would avoid additional action.  You want him focused on what he did not resenting double punishments. I would also be focusing on holding him accountable for what he does moving forward.  With both positive rewards as well and punishments if required for his action .   Everyone is entitled to learn from a few bad decisions, the key is to making sure he is learning and it sounds like that is well in hand.     ... View more

I am planning on a few sessions with my mates.. Working on the drinking and just asking them about how their lives are going.  It easy to talk about sports and footy.. Not so easy about how your partner is going and how you feel about that. ... View more

wow @sarabell101    This one is a tough one.. I don't know if it is possible to stop the fighting when something like this happens.  People are going to have strong opinions on this and want to share them.   I really don't like the idea of an adult blaming a child for their behaviour and that is one thing I think you do need to talk with your son about.   We try to teach our children about consequences for actions and it is hard when those consequences are negative.  Particularly if you consider the actions themselves to be warranted or justified.   All I can suggest is make sure that your son understands he is not responsible for anything he did not do.  He is not responsible for his father, his girlfriend, other involved adults or even his siblings behaviour.   Others may try to tell hm it "all his fault" but make sure he aware he is only responsible for his own actions (and inactions too).   Do plenty of listening too.. Ask what he did, why he did it, how does he feel about what he did now?  Be sure NOT to judge.  The purpose of this is to help him understand his feelings and work through them.. not to judge him           ... View more

hi @kiwimama    I can certainly relate to what you are going through.  I have a daughter who is at university and when at home lives in her room.  It is hard to see such a beautiful person isolate themselves.   I read she has "shut us out completely and won't talk to us about what is going on".  That is something that would make it even tougher.   Do you have a idea on how she is feeling about her life?   Is she happy with her devices in her room?  Some teens find it easier to connect via electronic devices rather than in person.   I wish I could find an answer to suggest, but in reality I struggle to get my daughter out of her room.  The only things I have found to work is to book things in advance with her as a family activity.  This done impromptu never seem to work and if left to herself she would never arrange anything.   Being in your room for long periods for a teen is not like it was when I was a child.  They are "connected" and entertained with modern communications and some are very happy there.   All I can say is continue to try to engage her, focusing more on listening rather than talking.   One day you might catch her in a chatty mood.       ... View more