At A Loss As To How To Help My Daughter

[Irrelevant]

My 17 year-old daughter is struggling with anxiety and depression. She went from being a straight A student to barely getting out of bed in the mornings. In February, we gave her the option of enrolling in online high school and she she decided to do that this semester. Now she's halfway through and has stopped doing the work. She says she wants to drop out because it's too taxing mentally.

She has seen some counselors over the past few years that she has either not connected with or refuses their suggested treatment plans. She just started seeing someone new a few weeks ago. I think she likes him, but really won't talk to us about it. We want her to both stay in school and address her mental health. But she absolutely refuses any of our suggestions, even asking her to come up with a routine and a plan to get caught up in school.

By Friday, if she continues to not do her work, they will kick her out of the online school. Which will make her delinquent in the eyes of the law and we could be fined for "not sending" her to school.

Two days ago she got angry over nothing and threw a plate of food on the living room floor. Tonight when trying to have a civil discussion about working on a plan to get her some relief, she overturned an entire cup of water on the table.

She seems to think that eliminating school will be beneficial to her mental health, whereas that feels like a very temporary bandaid until the next stressor comes along.

Sorry this is so long... I'm at the end of my rope. It's so frustrating and my husband doesn't really offer much in the idea department. He would like everything to be peaceful and calm, so his response is often, "well, what can we do?"

[Breez-RO]

Hi @Irrelevant welcome to ReachOut forums. I am so sorry to hear about what you're going through with your Daughter, definitely we can provide you some community support around this. I just want to confirm are you posting from the USA?  If so you can still use the forums however we won't be able to link you in to any local services as we would our Australian members.

In regards to your Daughter, it sounds like there's some underlying pain she's experiencing as well as the natural shift through hormones that occurs during this time - not to mention the anxiety and depression which would be taking its toll on her mentally & physically.

It sounds like you're wearing the brunt of the decision making around her health and wellbeing as well is that right? Have you considered attending counselling for yourself in regards to managing this situation without the support of your husband? It's definitely a hard one as our young ones transition into adults, as the consequential thinking isn't quite in place as the brain develops. Is there anything you and your Daughter really bond over? Or anything that you know she's likely to say yes to? Such as a trip to the movies or shopping? There could be some opportunities in a shared experience together to really get chatting with her about the underlying issues, and come to a compromise around her schooling.

I will tag some of our other members too  @sunflowermom @taokat @Zoesplace

[sunflowermom]

Hi @Irrelevant

I am sorry you are going through this.  Its even worse when you feel like your doing most of it alone.  I understand how you feel because in my family I have to make most of the decisions as well.  I like @Breez-RO suggestion to take your daughter somewhere she would like to go maybe lunch and see if she can open up a bit about what is going on.  Sounds like some angry outbusts and frustration on her part.  I think that's great that she has a new therapist that she likes.  My daughter never really opens up about what they talk about either.  I don't even ask anymore, I just say I hope you had a good session.

Is it possible your daughter would be willing to test and get her GED?  Maybe you can both compromise on a goal so that you don't also get in trouble for her dropping out.  Hugs to you!