Clueless

[Olive]

My mother’s day was not the day I imagined...
my daughters (12) puberty moods are so tough for me. It’s the nagging, the whinging, the backchatting, the bad mood, the discussions, the negativeness that I find hard to cope with. Like now I’m questioning myself how to cope with the years to come? I don’t want the days to be so challenging. I want happiness and harmony in the family and I feel like she wants the opposite. It’s so sad when it’s the weekend and you wait for Monday to come. Is this normal?

[gina-Ro]

hi @Olive, sorry to hear that mother's day was a tough one... what you're describing of your 12 year old sounds really familiar to what many others on the forum have described. 
It's such a tricky age, and can be really tough to navigate - especially when you're also dealing with the disappointment that comes from not having the enjoyable weekends and family time that you hope for. 

Do you find your daughter is always that way, or do you have positive interactions at times as well? 

We also don't know how long the "moods" will last  - it may not necessarily be for years ahead, focusing on a day at a time might be more manageable. 

This may be a new stage in your relationship with your daughter where you both have to re-learn how to relate and interact with one another... it can certainly be challenging to do this. 

What supports do you have for yourself? What do you do to cope with rough days like this weekend? 

[taokat]

Hi @Olive, thank you for posting as it brings to light that Mother's Day is a struggle for some, and I'm so sorry it wasn't a great day for you. 

As @gina-Ro, your daughter sounds very typical, and the teen years can be tough to negotiate for both teens and parents. It can be hard to remember when they're being particularly unpleasant or difficult, but their brains are reforming during these years, and it can make them seem like alien creatures at times. 

Celebrations are often not great with my daughter, although she is getting better overall as she's getting older. We didn't have a happy Mother's Day either, so I certainly understand how you feel. What makes it worse is that it is one day where we're supposed to be celebrated and appreciated, and if we're not it's particularly hurtful. 

And my heart goes out to you - I think it is normal to want an unpleasant situation to be over, or to get some respite from it. ReachOut offer parent coaching which is a free servcie that I think you could get some real benefit from. They could help you with some useful and practical tools to help you manage and also to help you open up some more positive interactions with your daughter. You can check out the link here for more information. 

[Olive]

Thank you @gina-Ro
Unfortunately we don’t have family around, they’re all overseas.
I know we have a lot on our plate having our own business and a son with ASD and a daughter with an autoimmune disease. I think if I would have more support I would be able to cope better with these situations and wouldn’t get soo stressed about... it’s a tough one

[Olive]

Thank you ❤️ I will look into that 

[taokat]

It must be so hard without family around @Olive. And you certainly have a full plate with a family business and two kids with special needs. 

I hope the parent coaching can give you some tools to help you manage, but we're always here at the forum to listen and support in any way we can. Sometimes just knowing we're not alone can be of comfort. 

Do you have anything that you like to do for yourself that makes you happy?