Daughter fear of intimacy

[Franny]

I'm worried my 17 year old daughter has a fear of intimacy. She is having her second relationship. The first she only ever held hands. Same with this one. Not that I want her to be sexually active but she says she doesn't like public shows of emotion and I'm like that maybe I've stunted her emotional growth?? I just want her to be able to find a loving relationship one day. Am i worrying for nothing?

[Janine-RO]

Hi @Franny , 

From what you say, I think your daughter sounds really normal - teenagers range massively in terms of their development of romantic relationships, how they decide to express themselves physically, and in how they choose to express their sexuality. It's a time where a lot of teenagers are still working out who they are, who they're attracted to, and what they want from a romantic relationship.

Some teenagers are very demonstrative and affectionate, and some aren't. I think temperament can also play a role, I know from my experience as a parent one of my kids has always been much more physically affectionate than the other   It sounds like your daughter is moving at a pace that feels comfortable for her, and in a time where teenagers often seem to be pressured to be more sexualised in their appearance and how they act in relationships, I think that's a really admirable thing. It sounds like she has a clear idea of her own boundaries and what feels right for her  

This article from Raising Children's Network has some good information based on research about teenagers and relationships, there's a huge variety in what a 'normal' relationship looks like. 

Do you worry about her emotional well-being in other ways? You sound like a super caring and concerned mum, and I think it's almost impossible as a parent to stop worrying about our kids.