Feeling lost!

[coffeedout]

Hi Everyone

Hoping on some advice with this one:

Last year our Miss 15 changed schools. Various different reasons why but basically her school was not the right fit for her. Friendships issues, academic structure etc. She spent 6 months with a counsellor to work through some issues she had.

We chose a school that she liked, it has a curriculum that suits her and has caring and supportive teachers. She has been there since Term 4 last year.

So far she has been happy there. She struggles academically with some subjects but her teachers are happy with her progress so far. We have engaged a tutor for her. At the beginning of the year she had some issues with a friend and decided she didn't like this person was being towards her, was being used for what she could give to this friend (money, borrowing her phone, using all her data, taking her lunch and more) and worked out that she wasn't the best type of person to be hanging around with. She bravely decided to move on. The other party was not happy and there was some incidents at school. The school was great in the handling of it and Miss 15 was very brave in the face of such treatment. She started getting on with her life at school again. Found another friend.

Just last week she tells us that she is wanting to change schools. Attend a Flexi-school. Reasons being she can't "handle" regular school. No other reason given apart from that. Says she doesn't really like the person she is hanging around with, has discovered that she has been lying to her and is privy to her "two-faced" behaviour with others. She says that she has one other person in her year level that she sits with but when he is away she sits with this other girl. So basically has no " real" friends at school.

My husband is not wanting to move her again. I don't want her to change schools again. From our perspective the social problems she is having are impacting on her happiness at school. Miss 15 tells us that this has nothing to do with it! We want to help her through this but she is adamant that she will leave. Apparently everyone in her year level is "rude", not one person is approachable for her to sit with.

For us as her parents we feel that moving her again is not allowing her to face up to issues and in essence is teaching her to run away from her problems. Naturally she is very angry at us for not doing what she wants us to do. We love her dearly and just want her to be happy and content. I realise things are much trickier for her than when I was at high school but this is something that needs to not be ignored. I have offered to help her through this but Miss 15 refuses any advice I have given. Would really value some advice from anyone who has been in this situation and some feedback from others on their thoughts. I feel really lost and starting to feel a real failure at not being able to help my child. 

Thanks

[taokat]

Welcome to the forum @coffeedout, and thank you for sharing with the community. It's a tough situation and understandable that you're concerned about the best way to move forward. It sounds like you want the best for your daughter, both long and short term. 

My daughter struggles socially and it can feel like a fine line sometimes between getting them to work through situations and learn that all things pass, and knowing when it's psychologically best for her to have some time out. 

I'm wondering if you've been able to have a talk with the school and see if they've notived any changes? They may also be able to offer some more support for your daughter. They sound like they've been wonderful to date, so that would be my first suggestion.  

[gina-Ro]

hi @coffeedout , I can understand why you're feeling lost  - that's a really tricky situation with your daughter. And as with most things, there's no easy answer! 

As @taokat has suggested, speaking to the school could be a good next step - to try to understand what's going on a bit more before making a decision. 

It sounds like you and your partner are working this through together, and have your daughter's wellbeing at the forefront. I know it can feel like you're being a failure, but please know that there is no parent that feels they are doing a perfect job. No matter how "good" of a parent you are, life is complex and unpredictable complications situations like this one will come regardless unfortunately!

I'd also recommend having  a look through some of our resources and keep engaged on the forum - other parents here have great insight and support to offer.