Hereditary mental health issues

[Miztee]

Hi, ex-pat S.African living in Canada. 2 wonderful teenage sons, both born in Canada. Oldest, 18, especially empathic and kind. Youngest, 15, can be sweet and caring, great w animals and little children. Both have challenging issues that my husband and I are struggling with. Both of us have mental health issues, of course the boys inherited this. Our own issues mean we are often exhausted, and short tempered, very bad for the boys. Especially when they are in their own depressions. Youngest has presented with difficult behavious since abt age 4. Major tantrums, passive-aggressive behaviour, rudeness, helplessness. Also has anxiety. It is so difficult to know when to push him to improve, or just hold him and support him because he is not coping. Have been v worried as both boys are well behind in school. Both are bright, but have focus problems. Father and I are not goid w money and won't be able to support them into adulthood. The outlook for them seems bleak. At times I feel like a monster even having them -what kind of life can they look forward to?

[taokat]

Hi @Miztee, thank you for sharing your story. I really relate to your situation in that I also have mental health issues and raise a daughter who has bipolar, ptsd and anxiety. I have depression and ptsd as well, and it can be very difficult to manage sometimes. You sound very down about the whole situation and very concerned for your son's futures and I really feel for you and glad you're reaching out for support. I want to say, you're not a monster at all for having them at all, but I understand that guilt when you know you 'should' be doing better but are unable to. Your post is swimming in your concern and love for your boys. As much as my daughter has her ups and downs, she's glad she was born, and by the lovely qualities you describe in your boys, I'm sure they're glad you had them  Challenging behaviours can be tough to deal with for any parent and I know the added difficulty when you're struggling with your own issues as well

We're actually an Australian site, so I'm unsure about the mental health supports available in Canada and how accessible they are, but wondering if you have been able to get yourselves or the boys any help?

I'm also wondering if you'd like me to move your post and start a new topic so it doesn't get lost in the intros? That way you'll also have access to all the other wonderful parents who can offer their support. 

[LovingThruBlue]

Hi @Miztee, when I read your post it doesn't sound to me like you are a monster. It sounds to me like you are a caring parent wishing you could help your boys. 

My daughter is living with depression & OCD. Both are issues genetically on both sides of her parent's families. Genetics can suck sometimes but I'm sure there are lovely traits you have passed on to your boys as well .. like their kind natures for one.

I urge you to reach out for whatever support is available to you ALL in your area. It is possible to live wonderful lives whilst dealing with the challenges of mental illness. I guess everyone has challenges & this is ours. 

[Miztee]

Thanks for the replies, and thanks for putting this in a separate thread.

We are trying to access all the support we can. My husband, myself and our oldest are all seeing psychologists. My youngest is in the care of a psychiatrist. We have been through a variety of assistance means. With Canadian health care, the psychiatrist is no cost, and the psychologists are partly covered, thank heavens. Other support systems are in place and we access them as we are able.

It just never seems enough. I don't know what else we can do.

It doesn't help that we are immigrants, and don't have much of a social network here. My brother has fortuitously ended up here through work, but he isn't that helpful, as he is pretty judgemental. Or maybe that is just my perception. He is good friends with my husband, so at least is some sort of connection for him. He doesn't make friends easily, so I am grateful for that. I have made a few friends, but it is not the same as lifelong friends or family. I am sure there are many here who relate to that.

We will keep going. Not sure how, but one has to. Yes, my boys seem glad they were born, I did establish that after I wrote that post. I just am not sure what they are going yo have to face in their futures. My life has been difficult due to mental health issues, and had I known how hard it was going to be I am not sure I would have been able to continue. Now I see them starting on the same journey, making similar poor decisions, it is very painful to watch. All I can do is try to support them to a better place.