11-14-2016 10:08 AM
My almost 17 year old daugher has recently told me during a visit to a GP that she has been suffering from depression for the last 12 months. She has had a really difficult time this year. She had her first real breakup about 12 months ago - the boy concerned was particulary unkind and cruel and the people she thought would support her did not. Her girlfriends despite knowing how he treated her made if perfectly clear that they put their friendship with him (even though they had no relationship with him prior to him going out with my daughter) before her feelings. She felt betrayed not just by him but by the girls she thought she could rely on. Then in April a friend of hers was killed after being hit by a car and she was undersandably devestated. On the surface she appeared to be coping but recently she told me she has been faking it and was really struggling. Whilst she has lots of friends she seems to only now have superficial relationships and does not talk to her girlfriends about anything personal. I feel this is a defence mechanism as she was badly let down before. She has recenty been spending some time with a boy that she has feelings for they have been on a few dates and he seems to really care for her. However as soon as they started to ge close she has pulled away. I think he is really good for her. He is the only person she has told about her depression and he was fantastic told her he will be whatever she needs - friend, boyfriend and that he is happy to take a step back until she is ready. She is just worried that if things dont work out she wont be able to cope.
I guess I am unsure whether to tell her it is best for her to back off or encourage her to take a risk. Being with him seems to make her happy and I hate to see her withdrawing becuase she is scared of being hurt again. I do believe he is a good guy and as he is the only person she has opened up to I would like to encourage this relationship but I dont want to push her if she is not ready. We are seeing our GP and will probably start seeing a counsellor soon. Any advisce?
11-14-2016 11:08 AM
I am sorry to hear about your daughter, but you have come tothe right place for help. I have searched the youth site and here is something your daughter might want to read:http://au.reachout.com/Search?s=depression
You can also type in key words such as relationship etc. to find out more professionally supplied material both on the youth site and parent site.
I am glad to know that your daughter is still talking to you. At least when she felt her friends had betrayed her, she still has you as mother and friend. Counselling would help as long as you find the right counsellor, try a few before you settle. gps can provide blank reference so you can try different ones.
As for your daughter's relationship, I think she is lucky to have someone willing to wait. Then why not? Personally, I think for a 17y school girl, relationship is not first priority. So if they can be friends without closer relationship, just be it.
If i were you, I would take it easy while closely monitoring your daughter's status. Don't be too worried as that might affect her.
11-14-2016 10:48 PM
First of all, you're talking. fabulous. Try real hard to keep talking about anything, everything and nothing. If you can keep those chanels of communication open you're way ahead. I would suggest that you wait until invited before having much to say about depression and stuff. Your daughter seems to be doing it a bit tough right now and it's really great that she wants to talk to you. Watching my daughter and her friends, it seems to me that teen girls are often very bitchy, it's so common but I know not why.
I truly wish I could give you the magic formula to solve your daughter's problems but, sorry, I can't. All I can offer is what has worked for me, keep offering her your unconditional love.
Good luck, keep doing what you're doing, it seems to work.