@Carebear75 I am sorry that I had offended you in my last post. However, that might be how your daughter feels when you tell her the rules and give her instructions to do things. Sometimes, I have this attitude too: I make rules in my house and you have to follow. And these are the times when children are put off. I have to constantly remind myself that I have to negotiate with my daughter instead of simply give orders/rules.   Parenting is not an easy job. But I honestly believe that if things did not go my way, I might have made a wrong choice in the past. and if I really want it my way, I would think of a better way to get it next time. It's not about "fault" or "dirt".     ... View more

@motherbear these are really practical advices! Thank you!   ... View more

@taokat it's so great to hear about your daughter and how she is motivated!   I guess that gives the answer to your question @TeenToddlerKids I really don't believe in restricting kids by restricting their access to devices or the internet. The kid in me hate it! The kid in me means that I sometimes am very addicted to the screen. Some times, I would be sitting there all morning and realized that I did not get things done. But whenever I have to pack a lot of things in my day, I usually can make a list and prioritize what I do and end up having more free time in the afternoon.    I guess it sounds insane but maybe you should discuss with your son and see if he wishes to take up a course or something relating to architect? but I do believe when he sees the necessity of achieving grades he would be motivated to do his school work.   One other thing, my friend's daughter recently took up a job in Hungry Jacks. After 5 hours work she came back and said to her mum, "this is too hard for me, I will work hard at school so that i can get a better job in the future." ... View more

@Carebear75 I am sorry to hear about your hard time with your daughter. However, I have to be frank with you that I don't like the words you are using for a 15y: defiant, rude, disrespectful. We as parents are not saints, we can sometimes act as defiant, rude and disrespectful too. but we certainly don't want to be labeled with these words. I guess you are really upset but maybe your daughter too? Why not calm down and contemplate the history of your relationship with your daughter and how these words came into the scene.  I think parent couching is a good idea which might help you to understand your daughter who also wants to be respected. ... View more

@Ngaio-RO Thank you for this information. I did not know that there's this position to help families for school children.   @hippychick Bright children can sometime be bored. If your son is good at maths and science, I assume he might be on good terms with the respective teachers? May be you can go and talk to the teachers and see if they can give him some more challenging work to keep him occupied?   I wonder if the school has co-curriculums? Science Clubs etc? If we could help identify one thing that your son is truely interested, we might get things going. ... View more

@taokat well done! it's great to see someone who act upon one's belief in a rationaly way.   As for 'Roast it', I don't know. I was wondering why the youngsters would find it funny. Is it in the English culture? I remembered Dr. Seuss and other nonsense books. However, if people could tease each other in a safe environment like at home, or in a moderated classroom, it might help build resilience. ... View more

@dazzlejazz I am sorry to hear about your sad story. You must be having a hard time right now.   I am afraid I have no personal experience on depression. Let's see if our other members can share theirs.   Two weeks ago, I happened to come across a church where a youth band is playing some church music for parishners on a Sunday afternoon. Even though it is not my religion, I was touched by the people and the community there. I don't know if you could go an talk to your local church (or similar where nice things always happen), and see if your son and husband can find some company in music. ... View more

@Ngaio-RO Welcome and good luck, in ReachOut and parenting! ... View more

Is it the reason why we are here? Even though I come from totally different culture, I agree with all of u. In fact I just entertained my daughter with a bottle of vodka. She said she didn't like her friends cheap alcohol with redbull,vodka neither, the good wines we seldom have with guests taste better. Yes,trust is very important. ... View more

@Chauny that's hard for your daughter and your family. But I can see that you are on the right track. I hope with professional help your daughter will get better. In the mean time, don't forget to take care of yourself. Both you and your husband need help too to sort things out or at least release some of the stress. Come to our forum helps, talking to friends and families as well. Don't forget to give yourself a treat once in a while or you may even have some counseling yourself. We need to stay strong for our children! ... View more

@hippychick do you know the game he plays? Find out if they have an online community for the same game? you may then find channels to boys near you in real life playing the same game, when you can casually suggest how your boy might find friends of the same interests. I remember  when my daughter started to be a Harry Porter fan, she had all sorts of online communities for the same interests and friends all over the world. They wrote fan fictions, produced fan videos, etc which really expanded her knowledge and skills. And I would think that also helped her social skills. I would say she is shy by nature as well, but she is now doing fine socially, even though she enjoys time alone very much. ... View more

@Elena Congratulations! It sounds very promising that you and your daughter have come into terms with your situation. I cannot agree more: unconditional love is the key! Sometimes, we are more critical towards loved ones because, as my daughter puts it, loved ones are us and part of me. If we cannot help being critical, we need to be reflective and keep reminding us, that we need to let loved ones know that we love them no matter what!     ... View more

@Mumofthree Welcome to reachout parent! You have found the right place! I have a daughter of 16 too and is also learning to cope with parties, boy friend (s). Here is a joke: when I was talking to my daughter's friend the other day, I said something about "how about your boy friends?" and my daughter pointed out, mum, "boy friend is singular!" or is it? As I know that girl has at least two.   I really have no idea what to suggest for your daughter. If I were you, I would see if I can persuade her to keep her online life online and use what she had learned in real life with real friends/boys.   Let's see what other more experienced parents would say. ... View more

@Worriedmum I am sorry to hear about your daughter, but you have come tothe right place for help. I have searched the youth site and here is something your daughter might want to read:http://au.reachout.com/Search?s=depression You can also type in key words such as relationship etc. to find out more professionally supplied material both on the youth site and parent site.   I am glad to know that your daughter is still talking to you. At least when she felt her friends had betrayed her, she still has you as mother and friend. Counselling would help as long as you find the right counsellor, try a few before you settle. gps can provide blank reference so you can try different ones.   As for your daughter's relationship, I think she is lucky to have someone willing to wait. Then why not? Personally, I think for a 17y school girl, relationship is not first priority. So  if they can be friends without closer relationship, just be it.   If i were you, I would take it easy while closely monitoring your daughter's status. Don't be too worried as that might affect her. ... View more

@taziness it seems you have quite some issues here with your daughter, but it is a bit confusing as to what the real problem is. @ElleBelle you have asked all the questions I am impulsed to ask. and I agree that if there is any physical or material consequence, we should attend to it immediately.   My daughter is younger, so we have not come to the point of 'having sex' yet, but we have extensively discussed about it and she shares stories about her peers with me. I am glad to know that most of the time, things are not too bad/dangerous as mothers of daughters would imagine.   I would purposely set up a scene/conversation, may be while watching tv, or mentioning about reading an article, a novel, or talking about a friend or even yourself when you were young and discuss the topic with your daughters. I don't know how old your younger one is, but it is never too early to discuss about sex. According to my daughter, many children discuss about sex when they were in primary school. So why should we not at home. ... View more

@seaglecc it's hard to find a good tutor though. I remember I had this guy who took me just before my first driving test and said, call me if you fail! which really discouraged me, though I was then an exprienced driver (more than 10 years overseas). I did fail because I waited too long to make a turn where there has no light and then the test took longer and school zone started last minutes and I was too nervous to notice. I took another test at next available booking and the officer was surprised that I had failed before. My daughter is having her yearly and then work experience and busy time table before xmas. I guess we won't start till next year. ... View more

That's a good sign! @Polhon you are in a very complicated situation. I am sorry that I could not offer any suggestions but I have been following your thread and @seaglecc's ideas.  Just make sure that you take good care of yourself and build up your own energy so that you can share it with your loved ones! ... View more

we are in the same boat! @seaglecc my daughter is 16 too. She is a femminist and her ideas on dating and sex and things are very progressive, sometimes shocking! While I grew up conservative, I could understand where she is coming from. I am glad she shares her thoughts with me and it seems that she is not putting her ideas into actual practice for the time being. I said to her, I trust you and I think you will make your decisions, as long as it is a serious choice. Just make sure that you are not pressured to do anything that you might regret in the future. ... View more

@Sadie A hug for you and your daughter!   You'd been very brave and I am glad that you stayed calm and take things into your hands. I am sure with the professional helps your daughter get from the hospital, both of you will be more equiped to cope with your situations.   Do come here and share with us your experiences and feelings and in the mean time, try to find time for yourself to relax, meet with friends or may be just make yourself a cup of tea/coffee! It is very important to take care of yourself. ... View more

interesting! @Sophie-RO Makes parents feel better knowing that all what our teens are doing are due to their developing brains! ... View more

very good topic! @BazanFan   My daughter has just got her learner license but we have not started yet. My idea is for her to ride a game car for some hours before she actually gets behind the wheel and then we'd probably get her some driving lessons. I am very impatient so would not be a good teacher. ... View more

@LovingThruBlue I am sorry to hear about your daughter. I've gathered the suicide infos on reachout site, you might want to have a look. https://parents.au.reachout.com/Search?keyword=suicide You have come to the right place at the parent forum. It's anonymous and people of same/similar experiences may share there thoughts or at least rent out. Let's hear what others have to say. @Mitzi ... View more

Thanks a lot! @JenniferS I reflect and realized I should praise her more and celebrate her achievements. ... View more

yes, I guess a tutor would be our next step. Thanks for sharing your experience! @Luula ... View more

"oh yeah, but life would be too hard, which is not necessary!" @ElleBelle, that is my answer!   I am a lucky one! That's why I am the most admired parent among her friends. ... View more

My daughter is not like me at all! She takes things too seriously and is a perfectionist. "Mum you are not right,we need to try our best!" That's what she always says to me. I just wish she could relax. ... View more

@mitzi，second! ... View more

Congratulations! That's a good start! Reward your son and celebrate with the whole family! He will need a lot of support and I trust you can help him survive year 12 and head on to where he wants to go! ... View more

Thanks! Mitzi. The medal part won't work,but I will see if she wants to try the positive self-talk. ... View more

welcome to our community @Concernedmum I am sure there's a lot of information here both in the main site and the parents part for you to absorb. Plus, we have parents here who can learn from each other. ... View more