03-28-2018 12:04 AM - last edited on 11-12-2019 04:02 PM by Bre-RO
Hi it’s nice to meet you. I have concerns about my 15 year old son. Since high school started for him ( he is in 10th grade) he has no friends. ( says it’s his choice.). He only wants to be with us at home, dinner, vacations ect....
He also like hanging out with us and family friends who have kids his age.
His grades dropped a little bit since 9 th grade.
He does a good job entertaining himself at home. He loves sports and ONLY SPORTS. He plays with his basketball hoop in the basement. He only plays video games if they are sports. (He doesn’t like the shooting games ).
He is on his high schools Baseball team. Which he complains about his teammates being “annoying” he said they make fun of each other and sometimes they even “slap box” in the locker room.
He enjoys playing on a summer travel team. But he never became friendly with any of the boys. It’s strickly baseball.
He had a good friend from elementary school who 2 summers ago started smoking marijuana. He told my son “if your not going to smoke with us then you shouldn’t hang out with us.” This makes me concerned that my son might have lost a lot of confidence in himself after such an experience from a friend.
I do believe he is afraid of rejection. Every time I tell him to call someone up to go out, he says “why don’t they call me?”
I feel so broken hearted . Because he is so sweet and loving. He is s good son. This is the only problem he gives us. He hardly ever shows us disrespect or answers us back.
I have s 13 year old daughter who has many different friends and a full social life.
I would love it if someone would tel me if I should take him to a doctor to talk to someone. Thank you all
03-28-2018 01:05 AM
Hi @Ilovemichael, it's great to see you've come back when you're needing further support.
I hope you don't mind but I moved your post here so it would get more exposure in the forum and wouldn't get lost in the introductions.
I'm sorry you haven't seen any changes in your son's motivation for friendships since your last post. I can fully appreciate how worried you must be about his social situation as we want to see our kids enjoying time with friends. It is difficult seeing them doing different things to other teens. I think he made a very sensible and courageous choice to be true to himself and not fall into peer pressure around smoking. That's very admirable.
You say your son says it's his choice not to have friends, so it might just be a place he needs to be at the moment. Some kids are happy with their own company or the company of one or two close friends. But if he does feel he'd like to have friends then I think it'd be great to get him to talk to someone. Does he have any online friends from gaming or anything?
Have you got any self care in place for yourself? I can hear how much your son's lack of friends is upsetting you, and that's valid whether or not your son is concerned by the situation. It's important you have support around what's happening for you. We're often the last one's we think of in the equation, but we need to take time for ourselves too.
03-28-2018 04:13 AM
Your son seems a lovely boy by your posts. Respectful and kind. Also a good sportsperson. Lots of positives there.
I agree with @taokat regarding him making sensible choices around not smoking too.
Try not to compare him to your daughter who is more sociable. Every person is different.
If it doesn't concern your son about lack of friendships, I wouldn't be overly concerned at this stage. At least he seems to enjoy being with family and that is something a lot of us other parents wished we had with our own teenagers. Enjoy this whilst you can.
Please don't think I am trivializing your concerns around this issue........you are a caring mum and that is something to appreciate.