Isolated teen

[Kim-1986]

Hi, I’m new but desperate to try and help my 16 year old daughter. She was always a chatty happy girl and I miss that so much. She seems to seriously struggle with socialising especially with her peers. She works part time but has given up her apprenticeship training programme, tried college but couldn’t deal with the amount of people there. She now spends all day in her room and only goes out on days she’s got work or planned outings with her small group of friends. Her close friend was tragically killed in feb in a car crash,2 of her friends are pregnant😢 and her other close friend is at college most days then also cares for her mom so my daughter doesn’t really hear from her friends. She has been chatting to a lad online for over a year now but he lives the other end of the country so it’s not really viable and is in my opinion holding them both back. I want my daughter to start enjoying life and doing things she should be doing at her age but I’m at a total loss as to what to do. It is really sad to see how she’s spending her days. I’m recovering from surgery at mo so can’t even take her out and about and I also work(once recovered) so won’t be here all the time to do stuff with her. Please help I want my daughter back, it’s constantly on my mind

[Portia_RO]

Hi @Kim-1986 and welcome to the online community! I'm incredibly sorry to hear that your daughter has been having a tough time with socialising lately, it sounds as though there has been a lot of change in her life and social group this year, some of which has been particularly traumatic. How did your daughter cope in the wake of losing her friend in the accident? Loss and grief can be a difficult thing to process for the first time as a young person, and can definitely make it more challenging to want to interact with friends and peers. If you're interested and think it might be useful for you, Kids Helpline here in Australia has some great resources on supporting your child or teen after losing someone, so feel free to check it out. 

It also sounds as though there have been some other transitions in your daughter's friend circle, with one of her friends spending a lot of time at college and looking after their mum while others are managing pregnancy. I wouldn't be surprised if your daughter is struggling to work out where she fits in all of this and what her friendships might look like moving forward as her peers take on these very adult caring responsibilities. You mentioned that your daughter has given up her apprenticeship and that college perhaps wasn't for her - does she have any plans of what she might like to do for work in the future? Perhaps re-engaging with what her goals are and what she would like her future to look like might help her to discover and get curious about who she wants to be as a young adult.

It's great to hear that your daughter is enjoying talking to a boy online, but I can certainly understand your concerns about this holding her back in terms of face-to-face interaction and getting out of the house. I'm curious as to what your daughter might be getting out of this relationship and whether she finds a certain sense of stability in talking to this person now that so many other things in her life have changed?

Wishing you all the very best with your recovery from surgery, and please feel free to keep us updated on how your daughter is doing.