Mental Heath

[Lilly1212]

The school rang me today saying they are concerned for my 16yr old as her grades and he attitude have changed and are concerned for her mental health. She refuses to speak to councilor and won’t even consider getting a mental Heath assessment form GP. She keeps saying she is fine and there is no problem.

[Iona_RO]

Hi @Lilly1212 

I can understand your concern, I imagine receiving that call from the school would've been quite stressful. I'm wondering if they had any suggestions on ways you could work together to support your daughter at the moment?

You mentioned that you're worried about her mental health, is there anything in particular that she's struggling with?

It's great to hear that you've opened up that conversation with her and encouraged her to speak to a counsellor or a GP. It can take teens a while to feel comfortable sharing how they're feeling, but there are some practical tips on how to support your teens wellbeing here that might be helpful in the meantime. 

[Lilly1212]

She has this cleaning obsession and the school thinks it may be an eating disorder which I have not seen anything like this from her. She eats maybe not everything I cook. She needs a mental Heath test but she won’t agree to this at all.

[Birdwings]

Hi Lily,

I am also Mum to a 16 year old daughter. I received a call from the deputy concerned my daughter wasn't in a good headspace. I can never get her to see anyone and so I manage things with her myself and pop in here and you'll see her friends were in a car accident last week and I left a message about that in the forum.

It can be really hard to know how a teenager is going What I've found works really well is talking in the car. I've always thought having eye contact is important in a conversation. However, it can also be confronting and side-by-side conversations can be much more effective and easy to do in the car, going for a walk or going fishing for example. 

In my daughter's instance, bout a week or two later, her best friend dropped flowers over because she knew she was having a tough time. Obviously, that was red flag. 

While I didn't get my daughter to see anyone, these warnings enabled my husband and I to be more compassionate and understanding about chores that weren't done and withdrawals. 

The eating situation is difficult to address. My daughter dances intensely and it goes with the turf. One tip I got from a friend is that teens with eating issues will hide food in their clothing eg like sticking cheese in their socks or perhaps showering after meals. 

I find myself often in silence with my daughter is an introvert and I'm an extrovert and I might have to wait quite awhile for her to speak up and say what's going on but we have a really good connection and she eventually goes speak up. 

I hope that helps.

Best wishes,

Birdwings

[Iona_RO]

Hi @Lilly1212 

Thank you for telling a bit more about what's going on for your daughter at the moment. You mentioned the school think she may be dealing with an eating disorder, did they say why they thought this? Eating disorders can be really complex and can effect people regardless of their body shape or size. It can be difficult to pick up the signs sometimes as they aren't always as obvious as we might think. The Butterfly Foundation has a really great list of warning signs here that might be helpful to have a look through.

With the obsessive cleaning you mentioned, is this something your daughter has done for a while or just recently?

It's really great that you've been encouraging your daughter to see a GP, does she give a specific reason as to why she doesn't want to go?