My 16 yo niece is self harming and doesn’t want to talk about it

[Tomson]

Hi My 16 yo Niece is self-harming the parent are going thought a hard time right now and on the verge of separating. Unfortunately the self harm has being going on for a while it started a while back when the taxi she usually travel with the driver had been touching her for some time she was 12-13 yo at that time. We ask if there was any penetration she said no but she lock up any time the incident comes up or ask about her self harm. She don’t express her self and never speaks about how she is feeling. She is currently writing exams atm and I found she was spending too much time on social media I put limits on it didn’t work I decided to talk her phone And that when she broke down saying social media is the only thing that’s keeps her sane and she still was harming herself …. We took her to some Counselors and she didn’t say anything she claimed up . I don’t know what can be done again and fear that one day it will be bad

[Taylor-RO · Accepted solution]

Hi @Tomson, thanks for updating us. It sounds like you are doing all the right things to try to get your niece some support. Amazing job on getting her to use the app and the green box method. At least she has some strategies to help her in the meantime. Over time, she might slowly open up more and more to the idea of talking to a professional Do you know why she didn't like talking to a counsellor?

[Courtney-RO]

Hi @Tomson and welcome to our online community!

I'm sorry to hear that your niece has been self-harming, I can only imagine how heartbreaking that must be for you. You mentioned that she had been taken to see a counsellor, I was just wondering how many times she saw them? Sometimes it can take a few sessions to feel comfortable talking with and opening up to someone like a counsellor. As self-harm is a way of coping with or strong emotions, I am wondering if there might be someone else your niece might feel comfortable talking to. Is she receiving any other support from a health professional at this time?

With such a stressful situation, I was wondering if you receive any support from a health professional for yourself? What kind of things do you do to take care of yourself?

If you are interested at all, it might be worth having a look at resources like The Raising Children's Network. While it is an Australian website, it does have a lot of helpful information on self-harming and what you can do to help. I have also had to make a couple of edits to your post to ensure it stays within our community guidelines.

Please also remember that you're not alone and we're always here to support you.

[Tomson]

Hi thanks the the edit and reply I wrote this at 2am my time
She has had about 10-15 sessions and said she didn’t want to go back. I try not to force because when you do she becomes a rock and locks up.
The only person she opens up to is her school friends and still they don’t get to hear everything

I read the article on self harm and did see it was strong emotional stress. She has reach the stage where she hides everything from us this stress is a result of what had happen to her with the taxi driver and sad to say because she had lock up and said nothing no charges was made. She told me she felt bad as the person was like a family member and she thought what he was doing was normal until it started to get serious

Me I am coping with very good some what stress out but level headed I go to the beach go out and take long walks away from everything I take my niece sometimes with my wife and these and just seeing her enjoying is good for me.
Yes this site has a lot more info that the others. After reading the self harm poet I realized all the symptoms explained is what she is experiencing

Thank you for the support

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @Tomson,

Thanks for sharing. That is such a shame that your niece has stopped counselling. It can be common for adolescents to not voice their thoughts or concerns, especially when trauma has occurred. It can be difficult for them to open up but it is still important for them to know that support is available from people that they trust. We have some information on sexual assault here which might help explain what your niece is going through. 

It sounds like you are doing an amazing job by keeping an eye on her. It is great to hear that you have some ways of looking after yourself when things get stressful. It is important to take care of yourself, especially if you are taking care of others too. Is she interested in reading books? Is she engaged at school? Does she have any hobbies or sports?

Just so you know, I have sent you through an email if you don't mind having a look at that please

[Tomson]

Hi Thanks for the reply I saw the email and was wondering how to respond to it ….. the abuse was about 3-4 years ago she came forward and the driver stop we reported it to the police but when she was ask to relate the story she shut down so no charges was laid

I try my best to keep up and to be happy

She had really like dancing but no longer dance she say she don’t feel like it she loves reading and harry styles she always reading about harry styles her last exam results she was weak in some subjects bout over all performs well in school

Thanks for reaching out

[Courtney-RO]

Hi @Tomson I can only imagine how awful and scary this experience must have been for you all. It sounds like she has been getting lots of support from you though which is so lovely to hear. It's also great to hear that she has a few hobbies and things she's interested in and has been keeping up with her studies. 

I am wondering if maybe she would reconsider talking to someone else about this, perhaps someone with more experience in working with complex feelings, like a Psychologist for example. Do you think she might be open to this? I also want to say that there are a number of helpful apps to help with self-harming (like Calm Harm) or even activities to help with distractions (such as this activity), however, these will depend on your niece and whether she is ready to try some alternatives.

Thank you for keeping us updated.

[Tomson]

Thanks for the app and activities I will try them out . My wife and I today was considering thanking her to counseling by a professional physic thank you for the advice will keep you all posted on the update

[Sophia-RO]

Hello @Tomson  thanks for giving us a bit of an update!  it’s great to hear that you will be trying the resources out and that you have had a discussion with your wife today about taking your niece to get some counselling. It sounds like you care a lot about your niece and are supportive of her and her needs. We look forward to hearing from you about how everything goes .

[Tomson]

Hi just a little update she hasn’t accepted the professional help yet but the app and green box method seems to be helping. We are still trying to convince her she needs the professional help we have to let it be her decision for her to truly open up

[Taylor-RO · Accepted solution]

Hi @Tomson, thanks for updating us. It sounds like you are doing all the right things to try to get your niece some support. Amazing job on getting her to use the app and the green box method. At least she has some strategies to help her in the meantime. Over time, she might slowly open up more and more to the idea of talking to a professional Do you know why she didn't like talking to a counsellor?