My 18 Year Old girl won't Speak To Me

[mrskode]

Not sure which is worse, a demanding sulky teenager or a teenager giving me the silent treatment for the past 4 weeks. The whole thing is triggering anxiety and giving me headaches and nightmares. I have been asking around for advice and have copped alot of harsh judgements. I really need some sipport but don't where to turn.

She wants to move out but doesn't own any furniture and only has a small amount of savings. it feels as though she is just a renter and not part of the family. she tends to spend almost all of her time in her bedroom. she wont participate in family activities.

[TWatson]

It is always difficult communicating with teenagers. I'll really recommend you to try different methods of communication. This type of behavior is normal in teens these days but dangerous. Parents should never leave their kids side in this period of time no matter how much they want to go away. Let them do what they want but keep a close eye on them for their safety.

[Jess1-RO]

Hi @mrskode,

Have you had a chance to check out the link from @TWatson?

I can imagine it must be so hard as a parent when your teen won't talk to you- will she speak to anyone else in your family?

I am really sorry to hear that you have been met with judgement in other spaces- that must be really hard. We can see from your interactions with our forums just how important the wellbeing of your daughter is to you and how much you want to support her.

I am wondering if you would be interested in our parents coaching service? ReachOut offer a 1:1 professional support service for Australian parents to work through an issue they are experiencing with their teen and put together an active plan. You can book an appointment with our service here. It is also a safe judgement-free space where you can get support around how your daughter's experiences are impacting your family as a whole, and hopefully give you a space to work through things and decide on a course of action moving forward.

Do you think that might be something you would access?

[Preciosa]

I think you should help her to move out
Lack of own space brings unhappiness and even depression
Try to text her
That’s what I do lately
With my 18 year old son
I’m only one he texts or calls
His dad or brother or professionals he completely ignores sadly

[Dad4good]

Hey @mrskode,

How amazing is it that @TWatson and @Jess1-RO can steer you in the direction of professional support, that's the best!

Its such a difficult time when we experience a disconnect with our kids. I have a 15 your old son, but he rarely gives me the silent treatment so I cant really talk to that. However, he runs away (allot!) and it has the same effect (i.e., you can't help but think "does he even care about the family?").

Its so unfortunate that you have received harsh judgement, clearly you care about your daughter and don't deserve that response.

Personally, I'm not sure how much influence you can have over your child's behaviour once they reach late adolescence. I just remind myself that I'm providing a loving home and making myself available to talk. They do have to contribute to the relationship as well.

Best of luck! 

[mrskode]

I an trying to help her find alternative accommodation so that she can move out. she is not responsive to texts either. hubby tried to talk to her, whilst driving home and she was immediatrly defensive and argumentive. when she got home, she locked herself in her bedroom.

[Taylor-RO]

It sounds like a really difficult situation @mrskode. You mention your daughter does want to move, however she is defensive and argumentative when the topic is broached. It sounds like you can't get a word through to her. It might be worth reflecting that you want to help but are unsure of what sort of help she wants. Perhaps writing a letter to her might be a different take on the situation?

[Preciosa]

I do agree with that
We are mothers not their servants as kids today treat
Most parents like that
They need to feel Abd time will teach them if they don’t or won’t see it now
It’s mothers day today in London
And two boys I have
None of them even text me
Sad modern world really 😪😓

[mrskode]

I found out today that she has been manipulating my 8 year old daughter into spying on our coversations, to find out what we have been saying and then report back to her.
Hubby and I managed to have a 5 minute talk with her. She denies the behaviour, she tried to blame our 8 year old. Hubby and I told her that she has to change her behaviour if she wants to continue living with us. Or alternatively she can find accommodation and move out. The choice is hers to make. she admitted that she is hurt and confused. We made it clear that she doesn't have the right to take it out on us. We love her and are trying to help her.

[mrskode]

Yes I would like to access that service.