Need help now?

My son is saying inappropriate things to me

My son is saying inappropriate things to me

Active scribe

Re: My son is saying inappropriate things to me

This unusual request was quite a shock for you.
A misunderstanding? Getting those 'wires crossed'....? Or....Something far more serious?
This incident has left you worried with questions regarding your son's behaviour.


Perhaps it was a 'one-off' encounter. A confused fifteen year old may not think of the devastating consequences a simple incident like this can have. The internet and 'social media' may have contributed because everything imaginable - and unimaginable - is available for all to experience. It's only fair to say that your son could have been influenced by something online.
Access to any form of 'adult material' is straightforward enough to navigate for today's high-technology conscious, computer literate teenagers. Combined with their mixed emotions........
There could be the possibility that someone had 'dared' your son to do it. The Covid-19 pandemic means more time spent online.

Conversations about sex - physical or online between teenagers - may have instilled a sense of sexual insecurity within your son.

There could be something deeper going on for your son to make this unusual request and it's a problem that will need to be addressed. It's going to be important for your son's welfare to deal with this now - rather than wait for another 'incident'.

It's concerning he didn't understand why you were angry at him whilst not knowing why he did it. This is a point that could be worth investigating.
There's the question of how he'll be with other people. 
It may help to discuss with your son the possibility of undergoing counselling. Your son is very upset over this matter and may be willing to seek help.

Is the lad dealing with any issues that you are unaware of? Has someone been talking about their own experiences? Has your son experienced some kind of undisclosed trauma?
The full realisation of being told to stay away from his sister will impact upon your son very hard.

Is he upset because he understands what he said was wrong?....Or....Is he upset because he doesn't understand?
This is awkward for both you and your son.  There's now the issue of how to re-build the relationship with him. 

It's understandable to feel anger and disgust.
You don't want to touch him at all because of this incident and you've told him to stay away from his sister.
Perhaps an alternative would be to work at getting closer to your son whilst allowing close - yet supervised - contact with his sister. Feeling supported and valued by the family will hopefully instil a sense of security for your son.
Your son will need to understand why you feel he should not be left alone with his sister.
After this incident, he needs to be told that it's only fair that you don't trust him to be alone with her.
Underneath all of this, you may be wondering what has gone wrong. It's a situation no-one can really understand until it happens to them.

There may at least be something positive to come out of this incident. Both you and your son have identified the problem early enough to address this and make amends. Coupled with the good fortune for this to happen in the privacy of your own home.
It's not much consolation for you, but this could have been worse. It could have happened elsewhere and in public. At least you can deal with this privately.

There are permissions and personal boundaries involved here.  Your son did ask permission.....Yet he crossed a boundary.
It seems your son could be dealing with something deeper, as this incident is  unusual and disturbing.
Is it a case of teaching your son that what he did was wrong? ....Or.... Let him explore why he asked you to do this for him?
This is where the counselling can help.

This must be very difficult for you. Although there's a part of you that wants him to stay far away from both you and your daughter, now is the time to keep your son very close.