Need Advice

[SoLost]

I will try keep this short. My 14yr old has once again taken off from home. He does not like the rules...very simple, minimal rules might I add.

He first left in Nov last year & was gone for 10weeks. He was with his older sister, & although I made countless calls to police & child safety, it was not until January when his sister assaulted him that he returned home.

Fast forward 4months, he was engaging with counsellors, attending school & behaving well...until he & his sister started talking again...& now he has left home for the second time & returned to my eldest, who has only just a month ago, turned 18.

My son is again not attending school, & I am at a loss as to what I am meant to do next. I am heartbroken, I am scared, I am just plain lost. I still have a 7yr old at home who very much needs me, but I am struggling immensely not knowing where to turn for help with my son, as last time he left, neither the police or child safety helped in any way at all.

What do I do? 😔 Where do I turn?

[Sophia-RO]

Hello @SoLost , thanks for sharing your story. I am sorry to hear that you have been having some recent troubles with your son. This sounds like a very challenging situation to be in. It is a shame to hear that you did not find child protection or the police to be helpful last time your son ran away. Do you have an idea where your son has run away to? Has he run away to his sister again? If you are not sure and have any concerns for his safety, it is really important that you call the police to let them know your concerns. If you do know where he is, would you be open to calling the police this time to let them that he has run away again? It might be a good idea to involve them in case your son has gone to see his sister and he might be put at risk. 

You have mentioned that your son is not attending school, have you had a chance to speak with anyone from his school and let them know what has been going on? You might be able to talk with a school counsellor or someone involved with student well being. They could support you with this and may be able to make some arrangements to support your son when he is able to go back to school (or hopefully before).

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling heartbroken and scared. I imagine that it must be very hard dealing with your son running away whilst you still have to look after your other children and run a household. It is good that you are reaching out for some more support! I think it would be a really good idea to chat with a trained professional as they would be able to provide you with some great support around this (such as further information or services to call). Calling and chatting with a counsellor will also give you the chance to talk about how you are feeling as I am sure that this situation has impacted you too! It can be so easy to forget about ourselves when we are looking after others, so calling and talking to someone would be a great start. Parentline is one helpline that you can call. You can also access free one-one-one support with a professional through us here at ReachOut. Please feel free to keep us updated

[SoLost]

Thanks for replying.

Yes, he is back with his sister, but I do not know where they are staying, only that it with my daughter's boyfriend & his family.

I have contacted both police & child safety again...& because he not on the streets, neither seemed very interested & instead just reassured me that I have done all I can, & when he is ready he will return home 😔 I have also spoken with the school, who have been very understanding & have told me they will continue trying to support my son should he return to school. I will also speak with the Education Department today as he is legally meant to be attending school, & I'd like to contact them & explain the situation before they contact me asking why he not in school.

I have been working with my Dr & a pyschologist since my son first left in November, I still see my pyschologist weekly to this day. I was also prescribed anti anxiety medication in January before he returned home, & I am still taking these daily, as even before he left again, the troubles with my eldest daughter still affect me greatly.

I just feel completely overwhelmed. This has been going on since May 2019, when my daughter first left home, & the things we have been subject to in this time have been some of the most painful moments in my entire life. I feel like it will never end. I feel like I'm stuck in a lifetime of pain because my kids will not respect the rules & instead do their own thing which only causes me more pain, more worry & more stress. I love them both to the ends of the world & have tried everything to get help for them both. As my daughter now 18 I respect that she has to make her own choices, & all I can do is be here for her as needed, but my son only being 14 is still very much my responsibility...but I do not know what I can do when he just isn't willing 😔

[PeteNorthside]

It is such a tough time SoLost, and it is great that you are seeing a psychologist weekly and have a supportive GP. It is worth reaching out to supports, and Sophia suggested ParentLine and Reachout as well for more 1-on-1 support. 

I hope you are taking time for yourself, and doing things that you enjoy as well.

You deserve to be happy as well as your children, especially in this difficult times. Thoughts are with you SoLost. I know in my situation, we are hoping for a change once the 16 year old is older and we are able to accept the complexities of life. Until that time, it is very tough. Until then we are the enemy and nothing we can do can ever be right. I found MensLine helpful.