Perfectionism and high expectations

[shawki11]

We have been talking frequently about her health. There appears to be a need for her to take time out from her commitments to focus on her health. I have said this is okay but she needs to put a time limit on it so she re engages at a time that she chooses. She is not anxious or depressed but staying at home 5/6 days a week just surfing the internet. She has no friends and this worries her but aside from volunteer work at an art gallery 1 day a week, won't do any other activities. 

[Jay-RO]

Hey there @shawki11,

It's great that you've been able to have some conversations with your daughter around what's been going on. How have things been going this week? 

Often, staying inside and surfing the internet can be so much easier than going out and trying to meet people. Are there online activities that she might be interested in that could help make friends? 

[JAKGR8]

https://scottishconflictresolution.org.uk/parents-and-carers

[shawki11]

She is spending most of her time in online communities talking about Kpop  we were meant to go to a musicology conference next week which will have a panel discussion on Kpop but unfortunately it is interstate and some money we were relying on didn't come through in time.  I will try to get the proceedings for her after the conference.

She has a lot of stigma about things and won't readily discuss problems. She wouldn't even look at her uni results to see if she passed catastrophizing that she failed. I stayed with her while she looked but they actually aren't released until next month.  She is saying she doesn't want anything to do with university now so I guess she won't go on to do a second course. We want to move house but I'm nervous about moving out of the village where we know people. The best place to go is nearer to the Gold Coast and we won't know anyone but there would be public transport which we don't have now and she would have her own bedroom instead of being behind boxes in the lounge room. It's been a year and a half since she came back to live with me. While she was with her father she fought non stop with his partner was diagnosed with depression anxiety and ptsd. I think she might be a little dyslexic too. It's very hard to know what to say except that you need to keep your eyes on the horizon and keep moving. She talks about herself in a very negative way. It makes me worry a lot. I keep sending her wisdom psychology and funny memes and links. She sends me pictures of Kpop idols dressed as watermelons crying!

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @shawki11, thanks for sharing that with us. What a shame about the conference, that is a bummer! It is great that she is at least connecting online with others with similar interests. It can really help to make the world a less lonely place. You mentioned being nervous about moving away, do you have a strong support network where you are? It is great that you are trying to encourage her and relate to her. That is really special Your daughter sounds like she has had a difficult journey. Have you tried asking your daughter how you can best help her? Often we forget that the best way to know what to do is just to ask someone. Also, does your daughter currently see a counselor or mental health professional? Keep us updated please, we are here for you