05-09-2018 08:16 AM
05-09-2018 11:27 AM
Hi @Kerry36, I imagine you're feeling a lot of complex emotions right now. It doesn't seem unreasonable at all that one of those is relief.
Have you been in contact with your son since he's been in care? Do you know how he is managing?
05-10-2018 01:23 PM
Kerry36 I completely relate to what you are saying. My niece has been away for about 3 months and will be returning home next Friday. When we haven’t been with DoCS, police, scholar medical appointments to do with her I have really enjoyed my quiet time and not doing the school run etc. I am worried about losing the time when she returns. On one hand I am desperate to hang onto the ‘me time’ I have found and on the other I feel guilty that I enjoy the time I have to myself. While my niece has been away we have seen her sporadically and for the first 2 weeks we didn’t see her at all. We are going to give her returning home our all, however if it breakdown again we will go to the NZ Courts to ask for the custody and guardianship orders to be terminated. With her being 15 there is only so much we can do the rest she has to do herself. It’s awful when you get to the point where you have to say I’ve reached my limit and I’m unable to do anymore. I always thought showing your child unconditional love was enough after raising our 6 older children. The youngest is 22 and the oldest 39. It has taken having my niece living with us to teach me that unconditional love for some kids is not enough. After being through what you have you will need to take time to heal, to find yourself again and to re-build your mental health. One day you might be in a place to reconnect your son. I have been learning to not listen to people’s judgment of our situation and have surrounded myself with friends who are supportive. They are there for the good days, the days where I feel like hiding because I can’t cope and the horrid ones when I am in a dark pit. I don’t have family that I can turn to as they are too toxic and to protect my mental health I have needed to put in some firm boundaries so our friends support means everything to us.
05-10-2018 02:14 PM
first of all @Kerry36 thank you for sharing this with us - sounds like you've got some complex feelings going on.
I don't know your full situation, but from what you've said, it sounds like you're putting the interests and wellbeing of your son first, which is the most important thing to consider.
Your energy levels, and ability to cope with whatever struggles have presented in caring for your son, are also super important - not just because they impact on your ability to care for your son and therefore his wellbeing, but because your wellbeing is also important.
You understand the situation best as you are the one in it everyday, so I would just recommend that you keep in touch with your professional supports - whoever they may be - to make sure you are looking after your son and yourself in the best way
05-10-2018 02:16 PM
thanks for sharing @jdbza - you've got so much on your plate, and it really does sound like you're doing an awesome job of managing it all. I like what you've said about surrounding yourself with supportive people and looking after your own mental health. So important.
05-21-2018 10:57 AM
I feel for you...it must have been unbearable for you and what you feel now is relief....try to make him understand why it happened...you are a human too after all..I hope it will work out...
02-18-2019 04:37 PM
02-18-2019 09:35 PM
Hi @William10, welcome to ReachOut and thanks for sharing that with us. It sounds like a really difficult time for your family. Are there any other services that you are involved with? It must be really challenging to know what to do next. Has social services been involved previously?
Just so you know, we are an Australian based service although you are more than welcome to continue posting and receiving support. Just keep in mind that any referrals we offer may be unsuitable given you are not in Australia.