School refusal&self harm

[BeStrong]

My 16 years old daughter is year 11 and she has been showed self harm as a stress management since year 7. But I didn’t know that until this Jan. I should have concentrated on my younger daughter, year 7. My younger one had diagnosed the optic brain tumour in 2009. She had benign, but the position was tricky to get rid of all, so we should check her very long time, and she had 2 chemos and surgery during her life. During those time, my eleder one didn’t have anyone to support and I couldn’t afford it. But now I realized I should have given some time with her. She was ok, but her mental is going down. Once I knew she had self harms and didn’t want to go to school, she started to see a GP and psychologist. And taking anti depression medicine. It is 6 weeks, now. But it is not getting better, or worse I think. And once she went to school, she couldn’t stay at school and very stressed, so did self harm again. But I don’t know the trigger for self harm only school. This Monday, she impulsively took Claritin 15 pills and I took her emergency. Thankfully, she told me she did. I let this know to school and sent a week break that emergency dept filled the medical certificate. Now, I don’t say anything for school, study, future.. she looks ok. In case of this, is it better for her to stop going to school and get more treatments? Or push her to go?

[singlemomof2]

Hi, 

I'm sort of in the same situation. My son doesn't self harm but he's pretty much everything else you wrote. I'm at my wits end with him also. I've tried everything. He has a school sponsored therapist that he's supposed to see but refuses to log in (he's still distance learning) to the visit. So I thought about getting an in person therapist but the closest appointment is at least 6 weeks away. I'm so frustrated as I'm sure you are. 

There's really not much help for us right now.

I just wanted to say that I read this and I know what you're going through because we're going through the same. It's so frustrating when you feel as though you're going through it alone, but you're not. I'm here too. Sometimes it's enough to just know you're not alone. 

hugs to you and your daughter. It's only temporary, we as adults know that. But I also remember being a teen and feeling so ignored. 

[Hannah-RO]

Hi @BeStrong 

I'm so sorry to hear about what you and your family have been through. You have all had to endure so much and its incredible to read about your resilience through everything 

Good on you for getting support for your daughter through her GP, psychologist and medication. You have been really proactive, and it shows how deeply you care for her wellbeing. You did the right thing by taking her to emergency on Monday, I can imagine this must have been very scary for you both. Is she still accessing these supports? Have you been able to speak to her psychologist about what happened on Monday? It can be good when all supports are able to be looped in on what is happening and work together to support the young person.

In terms of going back to school, it can be very hard to say what the best course of action is, how is she feeling about returning to school? For some young people, school can be a protective factor and a place where they feel safe and valued, for other young people it can have the opposite affect. It could be an idea to try and have a conversation with all parties (you, your daughter, the school, the GP, the psychologist) to try and work out the best, most holistic way to support her. Is this something that might be possible?

Sometimes schools are able to offer a phased-in transition plan where she might only attend a few days a week, until she is ready to attend more. At this point keeping her safe and well is certainly the priority, did the emergency department give you any information about following up?

This must be a really scary time for you and your family, I hope you are able to do something nice and relaxing all together, you all really deserve to take some time out to enjoy each other 

[Hannah-RO]

Hey @singlemomof2 

Thanks so much for your post, it is always lovely to see parents writing to support each other and let each other know they aren't alone 

So sorry to hear of all your frustrations with getting support for your son, I can imagine you must be quite disappointed in the waiting times. Did you still make an appointment for 6 weeks time?

It must be very tough that your son isn't engaging with his school sponsored therapist, have you spoken to him about why this is? Sometimes it can be worth looking for a different therapist he might gel with more or seeing if the appointment times could be changed to a time of day when he is feeling more up to talking?

I'm not sure if you have tried this already, but it can also be good to check in with his GP to see if there are any other supports available near you that he might be able to access. It sounds like you are doing lots of wonderful things to support him and it's beautiful to read how you have reflected on your own experience as a teenager, what sort of help do you think you would have most benefitted from when you were feeling low as a teen?

Sending big love to both you and @BeStrong 

[BeStrong]

Thank you for your reply.
Today, she looked ok and we talked a lot and she wanted to go back to school even if I suggested her to rest if she wanted.
But her psychologist told me that we have to set a practical and possible plan for helping her at school.
She needs to indicate her feelings to teachers to get some help even during the class. My daughter is introvert and quiet, so it is very hard and big challenge for her to show her feelings.
Before doing some self harm action, she needs to get away from that feelings.
Tomorrow we have a GP appointment for discussion her medication.
I

[Sophia-RO]

Hello @BeStrong , it is good to hear that your daughter was okay today and that she was feeling like she wanted to go back to school. I think it is good that you are thinking about setting a practical plan for your daughter as the psychologist had mentioned. Have you been able to talk with your daughter about this plan and what it might look like? It is good that your daughter has still been getting support and that she will be seeing her GP tomorrow too. Hopefully it will be helpful

[BeStrong]

I talked with my daughter, but it is very tricky for my daughter’s personality.
She is very shy and quiet, sometimes she even has a difficulty to change her order at the food court. That’s why she doesn’t want to disrupt or interrupt teacher during the class, even if she needs to have a break. And also doesn’t want be paid attention by others. Her psychologist wanted to suggest ideas from our side, but I don’t know how much the school can do it, so I just sent email about this difficulties and I would like to discuss the possible ones for her.
She has a BPD traits, so I’m very concerned.
Tomorrow we will have medication 6 weeks review. I think it is not much improving her depression.
But I heard the psychiatrist’s consulting is very expensive. So worried now.

[Sophia-RO]

Sorry to hear that things have been tricky for you and your daughter lately @BeStrong. You sound like such a caring parent, and it is nice to hear that you have been looking out for your daughter and getting in touch with her school and psychologist about supporting her. It is good that you will be seeing her GP tomorrow for the review, would you feel comfortable talking to them about your daughters recent experiences as well? Could you also possibly talk to them about your concerns about her seeing a psychiatrist and some potential supports or options?