Self harming 13 year old

[Ilovemygirl]

Hi Parents,
I actually don’t even know how to word this or what I’m asking for but I just need to get this out. My 13 year old daughter has had quite a few health issues this year past 12 months and we have recently found out she has a brain tumour - the doctors have told her it’s highly unlikely that it’s cancer but she cannot shake that feeling and truly believes that it is so along with that she has had quiet a few issues with friends so her anxiety is at an all time high, when she is with friends she is very happy as she is a very social girl but when alone and at night things aren’t the best. I had a phone call from one of her friends today saying she had seen marks on my daughters thighs today so I questioned my daughter and made her show me and unfortunately there are cuts. I explained to her that she needs to tell me when she is down and not do that to herself as we have a very good relationship and she normally tells me most things so now I’m just stuck my husband has said she is only doing it for attention which I know is not true - the poor kid has so much going on and it’s just gotten too much for her. She currently sees pain specialists at the RCH so I will be mentioning this to them at her appointment next week but is there any advice from parents that have been through this. Thank you

[TOM-RO]

Hi Ilovemygirl,

Welcome to our forums, and I'm so sorry to hear about what has been going on - it sounds like that your entire family is going through so much right now, with things hardest of all on your daughter. Having to deal with something like a brain tumour is something that would seriously scare anyone, let alone being thirteen as well and not having that same life experience or knowledge that adults might have to try and process this information.

I also disagree with your husband - generally when people self-harm, it is because they are in a lot of emotional stress or pain to the point where they cannot think of any way to deal with it except through physically hurting themselves. Raisingchildren.net.au has a really good article on self-harm in teenagers that might be worth passing to your husband so he can be more aware of how this is impacting your daughter.

I'm glad to hear that you have been able to speak with your daughter about what's been going on; how did that conversation go?

[Ilovemygirl]

Thank you so much. She was a little hesitant to show me her legs she didn’t want to talk too much so I didn’t push the point - she’s a very stubborn girl and said I don’t like telling people when I’m feeling low because they ask questions so I told her when she feels low again to tell me and I’ll just sit with her and not ask anything and no doubt watch tik toks and make her laugh and try and focus on something else. I read that article myself just before I posted on here so will definitely forward it onto my husband.

[TOM-RO]

@Ilovemygirl It sounded like you did a really great job raising the issue with your daughter. You listened to her, and respected her boundaries to find a way you can provide support that she feels comfortable with. 

I hope that you can keep us updated on the situation if you feel comfortable doing so, and it sounds like you and your daughter have a really relationship that can keep you supporting her throughout all of this.

[Ilovemygirl]

Of course I will. I’m just hoping I’ve got this early enough before she starts self harming worse. Thank you so much for your support it really means a lot to me especially seeing as this is my eldest baby so never been through this before. Xo

[NickiSt]

I'm really sorry, Ilovemygirl. It's good that you talked with your daughter but maybe you should visit a specialist? Talk with a doctor and listen to his/her advice. It's very hard situation, especially when the illness is what upsets your child, but conversation is always a good idea. You can also try to pay more attention to her and show her that in this situation not everything is black and white.