Thank you for sharing and for rusting us collectively with what's going on for you and your daughter. What I really appreciate about coming her is that you can talk openly in a forum and hear from multiple people and yet it's confidential. These matters ar so personal and painful and most of us don't want everyone knowing our business.
As I mentioned before, our daughter is 16 and he was in Year 9 when she was 14 which is often acknowledged as a difficult year for some teens. Our daughter didn't directly run away when she was 14 but she did stay with friends for a few days on and off and she was hanging out at our local park and actually got punched by another girl down there. She also ended up taking a bottle of vodka to school and got caught and suspended. Our school deputy was very good and told her not to let that situation define her and she knew she was basically a good kid and to get back on track, which she's largely done. Naturally, I was very concerned about her at the time and it's very hard not to freak out within yourself or at them. I'm sure I would've consulted Reachout at this time and it could well have been when I first got involved with the parent forums. Do you have a friend or close family member you can talk with about what's going on? Also, is there a trusted friend or family member who your daughter could speak to? A group she could belong to out of school and find connection? Our son went through Scouts and Venturers as well as the Church youth group Our daughter is very involved in dance and has her dance friends.
Have you heard from your daughter since she left? Do you know where she is? there's a bit of a knack to reconnecting with teens who have shut down. I'm an extrovert and naturally very chatty however, my daughter withdraws and goes silent at the drop of a hat and I have to work pretty hard at trying to re-establish communication. I might send her a photo of the dog who usually has a tennis ball in her mouth or a photo of an funny outfit I saw at the op shop. You could send a song too. Just something to break the ice doesn't address any of the problems. Let her know you're thinking of her and she is missed and loved. When things improve and she's back home, one of the ways we've talked about building connection has been talking in the car or in a situation where you're sitting side by side and don't have direct eye contact. While we're always told to maintain eye contact in a conversation to be polite, it can also be confronting. Sitting beside someone tells them that you're with them but not talking over.
Meanwhile, are you doing anything to look after yourself and have a bit of self-care and are you familiar with the idea of self-care? We ll have something of a personal fuel tank and when you have stressful situations going on, your tank can very easily run dry and so the need is there to keep topping your own tank somehow to keep yourself on the road. I often even see my humble cup of tea as a form of self-care and we have three dogs.
Actually, I meant to ask you if you have a pet and whether a pet might ground your daughter better at home? We have four in our family and three dogs and we need them all. When we get up or come home, they're there wagging their tails and jumping all over us hail rain or shine.
Difficult to know what has triggered her to leave this time when she's not there to ask. Hard to know too whether it was spontaneous or thought out. My daughter used to run into the girl who punched her and bullied her and she was terrified and that went on for quite awhile.
Well, I hope that helps and know I'm thinking of you and you're not alone. We love our kids and don't understand what they do sometimes or how our precious child could end up in that situation and so we parents need to stick together and know that many of us are dealing with stuff.
Best wishes,
Birdwings
