Sneaking out, vaping and lying!!

[fordwood]

Hi, I am worried about my 14 year old son.  He was such an easy going, compliant kid but in the past 6 months something has drastically changed and we are at a loss as what to do.  During the last lockdown he made a new group of local friends from different schools, boys and girls. They do a lot together - it has taken time to get to know them and meeting or at least talking to some of their parents.  Since meeting this group he has snuck out at night, we have found vapes in his bag/ pockets and overheard him talking to another friend, not in the group about a drinking story.  When we try to talk to him about it he denies everything or lies or completely shuts down.  My husband is very hard on him and the end of the last holidays grounded him for 2 weeks (although this was not stated, he said until further notice) and took his phone and all other means of technology/ communication until school went back.  It was a very stressful 2 weeks full of conflict that was hard on his siblings as well.  He went to board at school for the first time which complicated the matter although we had a positive chat with him before he left and he left on a good note.  However he came back for the weekend and was really happy and chatty, he went out with his friends on Saturday afternoon.  That night he snuck out again although he denies it, this time there was no life360 as he didn't take his phone but he was fully dressed at 4.45am and walked in with a vape in his pocket.  He steals from us to buy them and he denies that too.  Help!!!

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @fordwood, thanks for sharing what has been going on for you. I can hear that you have noticed a massive change in your son's behaviour. I imagine that must have been so difficult for you as a parent, especially knowing that it might have come from the influence of some of his friends. Have you been able to talk to their parents about the behaviour you have noticed?

It is concerning that he is lying and is not able to talk to you or your husband openly but please know that this is not uncommon. This is something that a lot of parents experience and it brings them a lot of stress and worry. I am wondering if you have thought of seeking support from a counsellor, either for yourself and your husband, or for your son? They might be able to offer your some support in navigating this situation or provide you with some tools to help you get to the bottom of what is going on with your son