Struggling to raise 16yo son

[CloudJumper]

I’m not sure where to start. I have a 16yo son who has a few diagnosis’ but the past 12 months have been harder than I ever thought parenting could be. He has minimal rules and expectations yet still loses it when they are enforced. When I take his phone off him (as that’s about the only consequence that works), he goes completely off the rails. He hasn’t ever hit me but will scream and shout and smash other things. It scares me and I constantly live on high alert, waiting for the next event.
He doesn’t see his dad often and doesn’t really have any other male roles models he spends time with.
I am exhausted. And I don’t know how much longer I can handle this. People laugh and say “he will come good around 25” but I know I can’t hold on that long. I just want to throw in the towel, let him do what he wants and stop fighting.
How do I get past this? How do I continue to get out of bed and face him, not knowing what to expect?

[Bel_RO]

Hey @CloudJumper, 

Welcome to ReachOut! I’d like to start off by saying thank you for sharing what you’re experiencing. I can hear how frightened you are and can see how taxing this must be for you. Having experienced this for 12 months shows just how much you have endured, and I admire your resilience and strength to have gone through this during this time. I hope you can see how incredible you are, as an individual and a parent! 

While parenting alone is challenging, having a child with multiple diagnoses can make parenting that extra bit tougher. I can see that your son has a few diagnoses, and so I am wondering if he is actively seeing a healthcare professional to support him with this?

It sounds like you are also feeling depleted by the situation and behaviour of your son. I can see that you’ve spoken to others who haven’t given you any helpful advice and have laughed at the citation, which is disappointing and invalidating. I want to reassure you that your feelings are completely valid and you are doing your best to support your son. Given how you are feeling, I am curious to know if you have any professional support for yourself? Someone like a GP or psychologist?

 If you’re interested in one-on-one support, ReachOut offers Parent Coaching which is a free coaching service for parents and carers. Another support service that you might find helpful connecting with is Parentline. They offer free telephone counselling and support service for parents and carers with children aged 0 to 18. Finally, Headspace provides free online and telephone support and counselling to young people 12 - 25 and their families and friends. This could be a service your son can connect with, and you also - which could be helpful. 

An email has also been sent to you, so please keep an eye out for that!