(TW) My daughters Borderline Personality Disorder is destroying me

[kaiso]

Hi Hannah

Thanks for your kind words

I wish I could say yes she will, I am hopeful in the future she will however that may not be for sometime.  My daughter has been in the system since she was was 15yrs she is now 23 - in her mind the system has never supported her or "made her better" she blames the system for her condition etc etc....there definitely are some truths in what she is saying...in my area when she was last admitted the Psychiatrist openly told me that she should be admitted for at least 3 weeks however (unofficially) they must keep 60% of their beds available for Ice addicts which means for the rest there was little hope of more than an overnight stay.

How I look after myself or switch off, thats a good and evolving question...I find an activity where I can just switch myself off focus on the activity turn my phone of for a while and just relax as best as I can.  Luckily I have a fantastic partner who recognises when I need my own time and space to recharge and this is important as I dont have the guilt's for not being there for her when at times I should.  Last year literally almost killed me, I had a mini stroke as a result of high blood pressure, developed shaking in my arm due to anxiety and stress and realised that I "me" had a right to look after myself first.  Nights have always been the hardest, especially to sleep, however I found for me a simple solution which worked...I put my phone on silent and put it in another room and dont check it until the morning....it was very hard to do that in beginning but overtime I have got used to it and dont feel GUILTY doing it.

[Toz1972]

Yes pls send me what links you have. So far most that I’ve reached out to will only take 16 year and up. I did register for Carter’s gateway but it took them so long to assign me a counsellor I gave up.

[Toz1972]

South coast private was the first I tried but she doesn’t meet the age criteria. It feels as though the only thing I can do is look for programs in readiness for the cyclones that are about to happen. I have this impending fear that she will hurt the family one day in a quest for money or drugs which seems like an inevitable path for these kids. What support systems have you had down here? I’m in Shellharbour.

[Toz1972]

Btw how old is your daughter?

[charliebear]

@DESTROYED Your a beautiful soul
I would of loved having a mummy like you😂
(I would have been happy with just the box lol)
Much love to you and your grand-daughter she's a lucky girl to have you to love and protect her she will be Strong and loving like yourself xxx

[charliebear]

@kaiso 

Hope your heart and pain heal

[lifeconcernsme]

Funny thing about BPD the last thing they want is help.. And they'll hurt you just talking about getting some

[Toz1972]

I don’t know how you’re coping with that even though I suspect that is what’s in store for me. She has calmed down in the last 2 months mainly because she got her phone back but when COVID is finished I dread what’s ahead. She has a very expensive clinical psychologist (no more rebates for me either) who is great but I do question his effectiveness. I’d love to put her in an intensive DBT program but there’s nothing for under 16. I don’t know how you cope with the boyfriend aspect - it’s almost like you’re forced to bear witness to your own kids slow motion train crash. I don’t know what else to do. Like you she tells me she’d love nothing more than to hurt me. It is absolutely the worst thing a parent could go through.

[Taylor-RO]

Hey @Toz1972, thank you for your support. What you are going through sounds so difficult and like it is an ever changing situation. It is great to hear that your daughter has some kind of support. What makes you question the effectiveness of her psychologist? Are there any strategies or tools that have been helpful so far?

It must be so hard on you as parent. I imagine that you must desperately want to help your daughter but sometimes it can be difficult getting your child to open up. I am wondering if you have any support for yourself throughout this? By the way, I have sent you through an email.