(TW) My daughters Borderline Personality Disorder is destroying me

[Ihearyou]

Thank you Josie for your post, I am just seeing this now.

My daughter is almost 23 and we all believe, suffers with BPD.  She has destroyed so many relationships, lost great jobs, so sad.  She and I had a 6 month period where she would not speak to me which, in the end, helped me be able to sit back and let life happen to her.  As a mum, it is hard, really hard.  However, as you state below, it is her life and her journey.  I am praying for a good outcome.

Hope you have been able to find peace.

[Blake-RO]

Hey @Lolalee 

Thank you for being so honest and for sharing this with us.

I'm sorry to hear that you've been experiencing this and that your daughter has been treating you like this. It sounds like you have had a lot going on lately with your daughter as well as having your own health conditions which must be really challenging.

I can hear how hard you have been trying to do the best that you can for your daughter and get her the help and support that she needs. Even by reaching out and sharing this shows how hard you are trying and how much you care about your daughter. I can only imagine how hurtful it must have been for your daughter to tell you that you are the worst mother. It's important to remember that you are only human and just trying to do the best that you can to navigate through a very challenging time. In saying that, you don't have to do this alone and deserve all the support available to you and to your family.

I was wondering if you have any supports or if you have spoken to anyone about what's been going on and about how you have been feeling. Whether it's a friend, family member, GP or mental health professional?

I know that you mentioned that your daughter isn't seeing a therapist at the moment and was wondering whether she had any other supports?

Have you considered connecting with a GP to explore what supports are available or perhaps even speaking to her school to see if they can provide you with any support, some schools have supports in place and school counsellors which may be an option.

I wanted to share this article we have calming an angry teen which I thought you may find helpful. Importantly, it includes a section on staying safe, which is important to keep in mind if your daughter becomes physically aggressive again. I also wanted to let you know that there are some more resources which you may find helpful, they are available via Project Air (click on ‘Families, Partners and Carers’ on that page) which is focused on providing support for BPD.

With everything going on, it's important that you are also making sure that you are taking care of yourself.  It can be really hard to do especially when you are doing so much to look after your daughters, but it makes so much of a difference in your ability to care for others when you take the time to look after your own emotional wellbeing.

Also, I have sent you an email to check in. Could you please keep your an eye out for it?

[Blake-RO]

Hey @Ihearyou 

Welcome back!

Thanks for sharing more about your own journey with others. 

I'm sorry to hear that things are continuing for you and your family. It sounds like things have still been pretty tough. 

How are you all managing as a family? 

[Ihearyou]

Thank you for your email.

We are helping each other and keeping each other accountable.  I think my daughter is very close to a huge crisis, perhaps then she will finally get the help she needs.  My middle daughter suffers also with issues but has fought hard for help.  She completed DBT and it changed her life.  She is happily married and has a beautiful baby girl.  What makes the difference is the personal desire for change.  We cannot give that to someone, they must want it.  Help is here for my baby if she also wants to be better.

Take good care.

[katcantcope1_]

It's like reading my story. I have just cut my daughter out of my life after having a mild heart attack. I feel like I have ptsd due to the last 12 years ... so sad for anyone going through this

[Pho-RO]

@Ihearyou I'm sorry to hear that you feel your daughter is close to crisis, but it sounds like that has a hopeful silver-lining for you in that it may be the catalyst for her seeking some help and support. I think you're right, it's like we can show someone the door but they must choose to walk through it. It sounds like you are doing what you can to support her in the meantime. 

Do you also have support for yourself in these stressful/crisis moments? Or even just in terms of managing the day-to-day stress? 

[Pho-RO]

@katcantcope1_ Hey welcome to the forums, glad to have you with us. Sounds like it has been quite the intense journey for you over the last 12 years. I hope that it has been good to read of others' stories and resonate with them. 

Having to cut your daughter out of your life is a big decision, so if you feel like you want to talk about it all you're welcome to share as much (or as little) of your story as you like. Sometimes it can be really helpful to be able to get it all out and off your chest, you know? We're here to listen. 

Do you have any mental health support for you whilst in recovery, as well as to help you navigate any intense or difficult emotions emerging after making this decision? 

[katcantcope1_]

Not really made an appointment for next week. I am feeling totally deflated and have to stop the guilt from taking over ... sleep is awful .. thank you for your kindness

[Iona_RO]

Hi @katcantcope1_ 

That's really great to hear you've made an appointment to get some support. It can be a bit of a daunting thing to do initially, but well done for making this step. Have you made an appointment to get support from your GP or a therapist, or another support service?

Guilt can be a really difficult emotion to cope with, have you been able to chat to any family or friends about how you're feeling? Sometimes it can help to share the load with others and not feel as if you have to sit with everything you're feeling on your own. 

Not having a good sleep can really affect us too. I'm wondering if there's anything you've tried in the past that has helped you get a better sleep at all? If you find your sleep doesn't improve, it'd also be a good thing to chat to your GP about so they can support you further.