Teen GFs family Grooming my son?

[Jiindah1]

My 14 year old Aboriginal son has been dating an Aussie girl for about 2months. Im supportive of them dating but being his first GF (and probably not the last) I acknowledge its early days for both of them. The GFs mother on the other hand treats it like an arranged marriage and we have already clashed about her undermining my parenting. Eg Driving 70km to pick my son up after a disagreement without my knowledge and no advice she had him with her.
Recently my son opened a bank account and I was suprised at how much money he had (he outright refuses chores or work) When I questioned him he said GFs mum gave him money. She outright denied it when i asked.
2 days ago he bragged to my husband he had over $400 and told hubby GFs grandmother is giving him money.
As an Aboriginal mum who owns a home and always works Im mortified at these women and feel disempowered cause my son refuses to help around the home and is becoming increasingly disrespectful.
If this were men giving a girl money they'd be seen as groomers hey?

[Sophia-RO]

Hello @Jiindah1 , I am sorry to hear that you are in such a difficult position at the moment. It sounds like things have been really hard with your son and that you are quite concerned about him. It must be so hard experiencing these clashes with your son's girlfriends mother and being left feeling disempowered. Having your son refusing to help around the house and being disrespectful sounds really difficult too. Have you had the chance to discuss this behaviour with your son and explore why he has been acting in that way?

Do you have anyone that you can talk to about how you are feeling and what you have been going through? I would strongly recommend giving Parentline a call as they have experienced counsellors that you can talk to 7 days a week for support and advice. You can also raise your concerns with these counsellors as they will be able to give you advice on how to handle the situation with your son and his girlfriend's family and around what actions to take next. Hope this helps.

[Janine-RO]

Hi @Jiindah1 , 

I just wanted to touch base and see how you're doing today - I can imagine this would feel really disrespectful and inappropriate as a parent, I think that I would also be feeling pretty appalled that other parents felt it was appropriate to give my child money without discussing this with the young person's parents. It's pretty shocking, and I can imagine you would feel incredibly disrespected by that- and I'm so sorry that you've experienced that.  It's not respecting your boundaries as a parent, and that's really not OK. 

Do you think you'd feel comfortable approaching this family and letting them know how this makes you feel, and the impact it's having on your relationship with your son? 

[Boothe]

It's great your reaching out. You say your son is 14. It changes state by state but you are his legal guardian. You are responsible for him and you care and love him too of course. Contact your local co op for assistance maybe. There might be someone who can help. They might be able to give him a buddy to help him communicate and make safer choices for himself as an example. If there isn't a co op of try another registered aboriginal organisation. See what real support you can get for him and yourself as a parent going through this too. Good on you for reaching out and Goodluck.

[Philippa-RO]

@Boothe thanks for offering your support and welcome to the community